Virtuous//Happy Lowman Fanfic

Chapter Seven: Let Her Go

 "Here, have, some water." Gemma said a she held the straw to Natasha's lips. Natasha shook her head as the pain in her side ravaged her body again. The two men had taken turns punching her, her face swollen and bruised, and aside from a few cracked ribs the rest was going to heal nicely.

"You are strong, Tasha—stronger than you look." Tara said with a smile as she set her hand her shoulder, Natasha smiling weakly as she just wanted to be left alone. She had told Unser and Gemma all she knew about her attackers, told them about the blonde and the van, and about the Nazi tattoo one of the masked men carried.

Natasha hadn't told them that Gemma was the target, fearing the guilt would be too great for Gemma to bear. She knew it was a sin to lie, but she wanted to spare Gemma the fear and heartache at least for the moment.

"I—just, want to rest." She said, her mouth still slightly swollen as the pain medications were kicking in. A knock at the door made her heart skip a beat, but the moment Happy walked into the room, her fears were pushed away.

"Give us a minute." Happy said sternly, his eyes dark and his tone something that made Natasha worry, since normally his tone was softer around her. Natasha watched as Gemma and Tara hesitantly left, Tara making sure to remind her that she was just a button push away.

"Hi." Natasha said, her eyes looking away from Happy as he walked to the bed, his fingers tracing over her swollen eye and small cut to her cheek. She loved his touch, and she knew that once she was healed, she was going to give herself fully to him.

"I'm sorry this happened to you—but I know we are gonna kill the fuckers who did this." He said, his voice still stern, almost as if what had happened between them was nothing. Natasha reached for his hand, her heart aching as he pulled away from her, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at her.

"You—are acting weird." Natasha said, tears filling her now swollen eye as she wished she could go back in time and never help that woman out. She wished she had just ignored the part of her that wants to save the world. Then again the woman had used a baby as bait, and you would have to be an animal not to help.

"Look, Natasha— "

"Natasha? That's the first time you have used my name."

"Natasha—I like you and all, but I can't do this thing anymore. You are making me soft and I ain't ready for all that shit." He said, his words cutting into Natasha like a knife through butter. Her mouth dropped open and her breathing became heavy as she didn't even know what to say.

"It—was all—a lie?" She asked, her voice shaking as she felt like a fool to ever think that a man like Happy would want a woman like her. She felt embarrassed and crushed, her body starting to shake as she thought about all they had done and shared.

"You are makin me soft and distracted, and I don't have time for this shit—all this romance and shit, ain't me. I need a bitch who is a little harder, who can be in this life." He said, each word killing him more and more as he watched how it was crushing her soul. He hated himself more and more every second, but he had to keep her safe and push her out of this life. He didn't just like her, her was in love with her, but a woman like her was dangerous for a man like him.

Watching her break down into sobs made him feel like the worthless piece of nothing he was, made him feel like taking his gun and putting it to his temple. He wanted to comfort her, wanted to tell her how he was gonna find and kill the men who did this to her. He wanted to be the man she wanted and need, and he wanted her in his life because she made him feel somewhat human.

He walked from the room, her sobs too much for him, and the pain of having to push away the only woman he had ever loved, killed the last bit of a soul he thought he had. He knew that you only got one chance at love in a lifetime, and he had just let his one chance, slip through his fingers.