Virtuous//Happy Lowman Fanfic

Epilogue

Happy sat by the bar, his fingers gripping the shot glass in front of him as he downed his third shot, a buzz not even on the radar as the party ensued around him. Tonight, marked the fourth year since Natasha had been killed, four years of anger, tears and blood. Happy had taken revenge on every person involved in the shooting, making sure that every single one of them felt the pain he felt.

He looked at his phone, the time telling him he had to hit to road if he wanted to make it to Stockton by midnight. He knew that she would be awake and waiting for him, she always was when he needed her. He downed his shot and passed on the free pussy from the Croweaters, Jax giving him a nod as he walked past him and Tara.

He hated being around them anymore, the looks of pity and fake smiles that followed him every year. It had been four years, but it might as well have been two minutes to Happy, his heart still shredded as he tried to walk through each day. His life had become simple, club business and home. When things got too much for him to handle he drove to Stockton, his time with her the only thing that could calm him.

No one knew of her, and that's how it stayed. He didn't want anything else taken from him, and he had learned to speak only when needed. Even after all the years, he still felt that had he never spoken to Natasha, she would still be alive. Gemma and the guys had tried to talk to him about his sadness, but nothing worked. No one understood what he was feeling and he hoped that no one ever would.

He never wanted his brothers to feel the pain of losing the one you loved, but he was sure the love he and Natasha shared was rare, a once in a lifetime type of love. He knew that he would never feel that type of love again, and he never wanted to. Natasha was his one and only, and even though she was gone, his heart was hers.

Happy pulled up in front of the convent a little after midnight, his bike parked in the woods as he made his way around back. A smile went over his face as he saw tape had been put over the door latch, his body feeling heavy as he stopped at the large wooden door deep inside the convent.

He put his hand on the door knob and slowly opened the door, his eyes going to the woman sitting on her bed. Her hands were clasped in front of her as she prayed, her veil off and laying on the small desk in the corner of the room.

"Thank you for seein me." He said, the woman holding her hand up to silence him, her prayers over with just two minutes later.

"You are welcome, Happy—what brings you?" The woman asked as she stood, her hands grasping her rosary as she walked over to him, her hand reaching up to wipe a stray tear from his face.

"It's the anniversary—and it feels like, I just lost her all over again." He said as he sat down on the small twin bed, the woman sitting beside him, her small arm holding him close as he rested his head on her shoulder. Four years ago, Happy sat on the steps of the church out front, the woman comforting him a way that no one else could. It was a comfort that he couldn't let go of, and a comfort that he never wanted to lose.

"It never gets easier, but we learn to live with the pain—day, by day." She said, a smile on her face as Happy laid down on the bed, his arms pulling her down with him. Their relationship wasn't sexual, or romantic, but more of an understanding. Sister Mary Katherine was a nun who wanted to help all those in need, and Happy needed her to comfort him.

"I miss her—so much." He whispered as he held Katherine close, her arms holding his as she tried to make him feel somewhat whole again. She knew that when he started coming to her for comfort that he was a broken a man, a man who needed someone like her in his life. 

"She is always with you, Happy—in your heart." Katherine said, knowing that never helped him. Happy was a broken man, a shadow of the man he once was, and nothing could fix that. Katherine held Happy as he sobbed into her chest, her hand gently running over his head as she let him pour out the emotions that had built up over the past months.

It was four in the morning when Happy finally regained himself and stood, his eyes wiping the tears from his eyes as he readjusted his Kutte over his chest. Katherine stood and slipped her veil over her head, knowing that in an hour the rest of the women in the convent would be up.

"Thank you—again." Happy said as he watched her slip her shoes over her feet, the same shoes that Natasha had stuffed in a black box in the closet.

"No need to thank me, Happy—just come back when you need it. I will always be here, with open arms." She said as she rose on her toes to kiss his forehead, a smile on his face as he pulled her to him for a tight hug.

"I love you—but not in that way." Happy said knowing that his love for Sister Mary Katherine was far different from the deep love he had for Natasha. He loved her the way brother would love a sister, a protective love that knew it boundaries. 

"I know, Happy. I love you too, and I hope that one day, you will find a woman who can provide the comfort that I do. Open your heart, Happy. Natasha would want you to be comforted and content in your life. Do not carry a burden that you are betraying her, she knew how much you loved her." Katherine said as she opened the door, a smile on her face as she watched him leave.

Happy had heard the song and dance for over a year, but moving on was not something he wanted or even entertained. There was only one woman for him, and he knew that when his time was up, he would see her again. He didn't care if he died of old age, or some assholes bullet, there was only one woman for him, and he knew that she was waiting for him.