Don't Call Me Kitten Book 1 Of 3 *Naruto* COMPLETE

Punches and Deals

                     I can feel the newcomer's eyes assessing me, trying to figure me out. He stops closer to me and I can finally see in the faint light that he has sharp teeth and the handle of a large sword is sticking up from his back. I smile sickeningly sweet at him, wondering what I'm going to be dealing with. His hand reaches down, grabbing the ropes around my hands and using it to hoist me to my feet. He grins at me, his teeth shining.
"Hi there, uh, whoever you are." I start, trying to sound friendly. "Mind untying me? I highly doubt you would want to spoon feed me."
 He seems to debate it for a moment before slicing the rope. I immediately stretch my arms and enjoy the freedom from the rope's bite. Red, angry marks encircle both wrists. I look up at the man and see the blue tint of his skin and the gills on his neck. The forehead protector marks him as being from the Hidden Mist. My gaze flits to the hilt of the sword and it clicks.
"You're Hoshigaki, Kisame, one of the Swordsmen." My eyes widen. The corners of his mouth turn upwards in a smirk.
"How do you know that, Pipsqueak?"
I studied all that I could on the Swordsmen. I use swords myself and was always intrigued by the swords you all used and the techniques." I explain, feeling embarrassed for blurting it out.
"I don't see any swords."
My eyes narrow into slits. "My exboyfriend had them but I don't know what he did with them. He disappeared when that moody prick dismissed him earlier."
                    He chuckles lightly, then turns on heel to walk through a nearby doorway. He stops and turns, waiting for me. I sigh and ignore the pain radiating from my ribs and follow him. We come through to a brightly lit kitchen, complete with a refrigerator and a long wooden table. The table is chipped and scratched, covered in bits of food. The countertops are covered in dirty dishes and rotting food.
"I suppose criminals have no time for housekeeping." I mutter. "Do you have coffee?"
"Somewhere in this mess unless Tobi drank it all."
"Tobi doesn't sound like the name a criminal of any stature would carry."
I ignore the scent of the dishes and begin to sort through the cabinets in search of my caffeinated beverage.
"He's honestly not much of a criminal..." He mutters, sounding incredibly annoyed by the mention of the man.
Hopefully I will never have to meet this 'Tobi' character.
                 In the back of a cabinet, I spy a can of coffee grounds. I cheer silently as I pull it from its spot. I peel the lid back and find a pot's worth left inside. It's better than nothing, but if these idiots don't murder me, they better supply me with coffee until I can escape. I track down the coffee maker behind the mess of dishes and set it up to brew. I then turn back to the fridge to search for something edible and not expired. While I search, a thought pops into my head.
"Hoshigaki-sama, do you think that I will die here?"
I hear him hesitate. "That's a loaded question, Pipsqueak. Do you mean you will be sentenced to be killed or that a member will kill you on their own?"
"Either or, I'm just curious. Since you are a member you must be used to occurrences such as this."
"If you survived long enough smarting off to Pein, I don't think he'll kill you instantly. If you continue to displease him, you probably won't make it very long. The other members shouldn't kill you if ordered not to, but bloodlust is a hard thing to conquer. Some of them are pretty unpredictable." He explains.
"Oh joy. Every day from hence forth will be the flip of a coin for my survival... Oh wait, my existence back home was eerily similar, tch." I scowl at the thought and find a cup of ramen hiding in the back of the fridge. Why it is in there since it's not a perishable item is beyond me. I pull it out and set a kettle of water to boil. I notice the coffee has finished brewing, so I reach automatically for my cup then remember that it's not here.
"Hoshigaki-sama, could you perhaps see if Deidara will surrender my coffee cup? I really enjoy that cup."
                    Kisame slips out of the room and I assume that he is going to do as I asked. I turn back to the counter and the sight of the filth bothers me. My eyes locate the trashcan and I drag it over to the counter. I slide all of the rotten food and leftovers into it before putting it away. The sink is remarkably clean, just the counter is covered in dishes. I plug the drain and fill it with hot soapy water and wipe down the table before starting to clean the dishes. As I rinse them, I place them neatly on the tabletop to dry. The kettle starts to whistle so I kill the flame and pour water into the ramen cup. I hear footsteps behind me and assume it to be the Swordsman.
"PRETTY LADY!" I hear a male voice shout behind me. Before I can turn, someone is latched onto my back.
I grab their arms, swiveling my body and toss them over myself and onto the floor. The man is wearing the cloak of an Akatsuki member and an orange swirled mask over his face. He rubs his back as he stands and leaps at me again. I panic and quickly form the signs for the Suirou no Jutsu, suspending him within a prison of water, much like the one Kakashi was trapped in during the fight with Zabuza. I create a clone from water and send her to finish the dishes. The intruder is yelling and trying in vain to escape. I glance over and spy my ramen cup. My stomach growls in protest but I can't let go of the water prison or he'll be free. I create another clone and have her start to feed me. A figure appears in the doorway and I hear him chuckle.
                          "I'm gone for five minutes and something like this happens. What exactly did happen?"
"I started cleaning up the kitchen, the filth here is ridiculous, and I heard someone shout 'pretty lady' and he latched onto my back. I flipped him off of me and he leapt at me again and I caught him in the water prison. I couldn't release him so I made a clone to finish the dishes and another to feed me until you got back. I don't have my weapons to properly defend myself."
He laughs again before telling me that I can release the man.
"That is Tobi."
I raise an eyebrow at the childishly wailing man on the floor. Whatever works, I suppose. Hoshigaki hands me my thermos cup and I clutch it to my chest dramatically before filling it with the contents of the carafe. I toss the ramen cup into trash and dissolve the clones before taking a sip. It's so hot and delicious.
"Fishy-chan! Who is the Pretty Lady?" Tobi seems to have recovered.
"I'm Koneko, and if you ever touch me again I will slice you into shreds and paint the walls with your blood."
He shrinks away and hides behind the other man's leg. "Kitty-chan is scary!"
My glare deepens at the moniker, but it sadly reminds me of the Nara boy. He squeaks in fear before scurrying out of the room. I stare after him in amazement.
"S-ranked criminal association and that pathetic excuse for a ninja is part of it...? Standards must be pretty low to get in here... What do you think my chances of escape are if I overpowered you?"
"Fairly low. There's a series of signs used to open the entrance. You'd likely be found by another member and die before you figured it out."
"That's pleasant. Alright Hoshigaki-sama, lead the way to the moody prick."
                  I take a big sip of coffee and follow him through the corridors. I attempt to memorize the path, but so many branches make it nearly impossible. We stop in front of a large wooden door. He knocks and the man's voice commands us to enter. Hoshigaki opens the door and we step inside quietly. The room is rather dark, the man's face still hidden in shadow. Another person is with us and I recognize him instantly. I turn to the man next to me and quietly ask him to hold my cup. As soon as it reaches his hand I lunge at the man leaning against the wall.
"You son of a- I can't believe you! I am going to rip your head from your shoulders!"
I pull us to the floor and straddle his waist, latching my hands around his throat and squeezing. He brings up a fist and it connects with my eye. I release his throat and swing back at him, focusing on his face. He tosses me off of him and stands. His hands reach into the pouch for clay and I drop into a defensive stance.
"Enough. Deidara, dismissed."
                           The blond releases the clay and passes by me without a word. I stick a boot out and trip him, snickering as he stumbles. He straightens and I feel a glare being burned into the back of my head. I smile and take my cup back from the shark man. My knuckles hurt pretty bad, a few of them got cut open and are currently bleeding. My eye is hurting as well from this attack and the one from my landlord the previous night. I gulp down another mouthful of coffee before setting my sights on the shadow man.
"So, now what do you want from me?" I ask.
"Do you wish to die?" is his response.
"Not right now in particular, but everyone dies in some way or another. Life expectancy is drastically altered when you become a ninja. I don't wish to die, but I accept the inevitability."
I hear Hoshigaki suppress a snicker beside me. I don't break my gaze from the man, but shift my head slightly to the right, effectively avoiding a kunai that embeds itself into the wall behind me.
"I've heard of your skill level from Deidara and decided to have him study you further before I decided to have him bring you here. I want to test those skills. If they're as impressive as he made them out to be, you will join us. If you decline, you will be killed instantly."
"Hm, well, that seems like a difficult decision; I could die now, possibly die later, or associate myself with an idiotic group of criminals. Seems the only plus side to that possibility is the chance to murder a certain blond... I demand a constant supply of coffee and the permanent return of my weaponry. I will not surrender my forehead protector and will not allow you to mar it in any way, shape, or form." I list off, satisfied with my demands.
                       The man sighs before agreeing with my terms. He points to a pile of stuff in the corner of the room. I walk over to it and discover all of my belongings. I investigate my swords before strapping them to my back and tie my weapon belt around my waist. Something warm and wet drips onto the back of my hand, drawing my attention. It's blood. I touch my fingers to my collarbone and realize that my stitches were ripped back open. I sigh and sit on the floor, digging out a needle and thread to close it back up.
"Hey Moody Guy, if I were to survive whatever tests you want to do to me, where would I be staying?"
I ask without looking up.
"That has yet to be decided."
"Will you keep your little groupies from murdering me?"
"I can't guarantee that."
"Of course not. You don't seem to have too much control of your vagrants. Deidara seems to be whipped though, so kudos to that. Obeying every command uttered without complaint, the filthy little rat..."
I can't believe I trusted him and it all seems to have been for study purposes to capture me. The thoughts crossing through my mind hurt more than the ache in my shoulder, but I push it back. I refuse to care for anyone but myself any longer. Everyone hates me so why not give them a reason to? I put the thread away and get to my feet.
"Okay Moody, where do we begin?"