I Wish I Could Hate You (Gratsu)

Just let me help

Gray's POV
I went to sleep in Juvia's bed. I tried to protest, but she insisted and her bed was so soft. She laid by my side for an hour or so, before getting up and being replaced by Natsu. I guess he thought I was asleep, because he started stroking my hair and whispering sweet nothings into my ear.
"I love you" he whispered, laying a gently kiss to my forehead. "I love you more than words can say. I don't know what to do Gray. What can I do to help? What did they do to you."
What did they do to me...
"YOU FUCKING SLUT!" Zancrow yelled, smacking my exposed and bloody back.
I whimpered in pain as he tightened his grip in my hair.
For hours this abuse went on. Hours and hours. The emotional pain was nothing though. What hurt was the degrading. They made me feel like... like an object. And then they hit where it hurt.
"God, you should be glad we are killing you," Hades laughed from his spot in the corner where he was sorting through a massive collection of blades. "What sane person could love you knowing you've been used like this?"
...
I felt Natsu's even breathing and knew he was asleep. I rolled over and looked at him, Hades words flowing through my mind. Did Natsu know what happened? How could he look at me knowing all I had done. I was a whore. A worthless piece of shit that deserves to be used over and over again. He doesn't know what I did... that's the only reason. He doesn't know it was my fault. He doesn't know that I couldn't help but moaning and letting it feel good when they violated me. I was a slut who deserves nothing more. But here he was, and I didn't have the heart to tell him to leave. Because god dammit I love him. I love Natsu more than words can describe and a life with out him would be intolerable. But still, I can't force him to stay, and he needs to know the truth.
I intertwined our hands and brought them to my lips. "I love you too," I whispered back.
...
In the morning I awoke entangled in Natsu's limbs. The close contact was making me uncomfortable, so I gently pushed him off and made my way to the bathroom. Being sure to lock the door I looked at myself in the mirror. I took in my unsightly appearance, noticing for the first time how ugly I was. I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt and glanced down at the scars that adorned my wrist where the shackles had once bound me. Shuddering, I pulled off my shirt, careful not to open any wounds. I turned away from the mirror before I could see my chest. Those were wounds I was not ready to face yet. Avoiding that, I slipped my pants off and stepped into the shower. The warm water rolled over me, and the steam clouded my mind and put me at momentary ease.
I picked up the scrub brush and started rubbing my skin in slow circles, watching as the bubbles formed on my body. As I got more and more lost in thought though the slow circles became more vicious, and the brush began to burn my raw skin. I looked down and saw blood. Thinking I had opened stitches I searched for the wound. After only a moment of confusion though, I realized I had scrubbed myself bloody. My top layers of skin had been cleaned off, leaving behind a bloody, pink mess. I smiled sadistically, realizing this is what I needed. I needed to scrub off this dirty, damaged, skin. Scrub away the sin and vile things I had done. Scrub away the bruises and skin their fingers had touched. So, despite the pain, I worked the brush over my entire body.
...
I awoke on the shower floor to the sound of someone banging on the door.
"GRAY I SWEAR LET ME IN!" Natsu yelled.
I tried to get up, but it hurt to bad. Looking around, I saw a mess I was not too proud of. And I still felt dirty. I reached up and turned the shower back on. The water was cold, but I didn't mind. I needed to be clean.
The banging on the door continued, until finally the door swung open and Natsu charged in. He took one look at me and started crying. He shut off the shower sadly and pulled me from the tub all the while mumbling. "Why Gray why Gray why."
I looked at him, and when our eyes met I couldn't help but smile. "I need to feel clean again so you'll love me."
He stopped and looked out me, shocked and confused. "Gray, I love you just as you are."
I shook my head, not believing his lie, but said nothing else. One day he would know how awful I was and he would leave me.
"I have no idea what is going through your head right now," he sobbed. "I wanna know so I can help you!" He through his arms up in the air. "Just let me help." He whispered that last part. I felt his eyes wonder my naked body, but I didn't feel embarrassed like I knew I should. Not even when he stared all too long at my below the waist area. Part of me was indifferent, but the other part of me wanted him to look. Wanted him to use me. Wanted him to break me until I was at the point of no return. I wanted to feel his hands in my hair and his lips on my neck. I wanted him to take me and do horrible things to me.
That's all I was good for.