Parang gusto ko ng umatras. Makita ko palang na may kahawak siyang kamay sa loob habang tumatawa ay parang dinudurog na ang puso ko. Sino siya?
I look at them, they seem so happy with what they have. Maputi at makinis ang babae. Her body is not like mine, all her curves are in proper places. Parang nanliit ako sa sarili ko. The way Sam look at her lips, and the way that girl smiled when Sam touches her cheeks. Pumikit ako at tumalikod panandali. A tear escaped, this can't be Sugar... I warned myself, pero makulit. Nahulog pa rin. Talo ako, talong talo.
"Sugar! Andyan ka na pala!" Umalingawngaw ang boses ni Sam sa loob.
Dali-dali kong inalis ang mga luha sa mata ko at humarap sa kanya.
"Oo! Kararating ko lang!" Ngiti ko. Sumilip ako sa babae na nakaupo at nahaharangan ng likod niya. "Sino siya?" Masaya kong sabi upang maitago ang sakit na kanina ko pa nararamdaman.
Ngumiti naman si Sam, yung ngiti na kahit kailan ay hindi ko pa nakita sa tuwing magkasama kami. He's happy, and fuck, I wanna be the reason behind those happy smiles.
He look at the girl. "Honey, come here, I want you to meet a very special girl, of course next to you..." He chuckled and place his arms on her waits. Ngumiti ang babae at humarap sa akin.
Honey? I wanna cry! She must be his girlfriend? Ano pa nga ba! I'm so boba!
"Hi!" She said, sweetly. Makinis at maganda, ang kulay itim niyang mga mata at perpektong ilong ang lalong nagdepina ng kanyang kagandahan.
I smiled...even if it pained, crushed, and breaks me inside.
"This is Sugar, honey." Sabay ngiti ni Sam. "And Sugar, I want you to meet Iza, my girlfriend." Galak niyang hayag.
"It was so nice meeting you!" Tawa ko. "Buti naman at pinatulan mo itong bestfriend ko." I mocked to hide the pain i'm feeling.
She chuckled. "Yeah, got by his charms." Sabay halik niya sa pisngi nito.
"Sugar, you're mean." He chuckled. "We met when we were in freshman, and yeah.." He look at Iza with pure love. "She got me by her charms too."
Can I just walk out of this room right now? Damn it. The pain is stabbing me. Little by little.
"I can't believe this! But..you two are lucky to have each other." I smiled. "Ugh..I-i just drop by to meet Sam, I still have class." I look at my wrist watch, I bit my lowerlip. I lied. I don't have class, I just wanna get out of here.
"Oh! Ikaw talaga! Inabala mo pa si Sugar, it's so nice to meet you too Sugar!" Masaya niyang tugon.
"Thank you anyway for coming, I just really want you to meet her, as a promise right?" He said.
Tumango ako. "Yes, I'll go now?" I look at Iza. "Hey Iza, bond with you soon?"
She nodded. Sam's brows became curious. Ang kanina ay natutuwa niyang mukha ngayon ay parang nagtataka. Oh no...
"I'll go now," tumalikod ako sa kanilang dalawa. "Bye, lovebirds." I added. I cover my mouth and runaway. Tumakbo ako papunta sa labas ng school at agad na pumara ng taxi but a car stopped in front of me.
And that's how me and Gyle met. He offered a ride but I refuse, he's a bit nagging, pinilit niya ako, dahil sa nanghihina na ako, sumakay na rin ako so he'd stop.
"Palagi mo nalang siyang sinusundo.. You even bring her food everyday! Ano ba talaga kayo ha? I thought you two were just best friends?" Galit na sigaw ni Iza. I'm here outside the gymnatorium, waiting for Sam because he said, sabay kami uuwi. Papasok na sana ako ngunit narinig ko ang sigawan. I don't want to eavesdrop but I just can't get in now that they're having a quarrel...because of me.
"Don't be jealous Iza!" Sigaw ni Sam pabalik. "You know what's between me and Sugar. Wag ka ng mag selos, it's nonsense."
"Really? Huh? Are you sure Sam? Kasi hindi ka ganyan sa akin. Mas maalaga ka pa sa kanya!"
"Are we going to fight over this? You know I love you..." Masuyong sabi ni Sam.
I WANT TO CRY AGAIN.
"But you love her more." She said coldly.
Hindi agad sumagot si Sam. Kahit papaano ay nabuhayan ako ng loob. Please say, yes! Please, Sam. It's the only thing that keeps me whole right now. I just wanna here you saying "yes". Yes that you love me more than her!
"I love you, Iza..."
My heart is already broken but now? It's pounded into bits! Basag na basag na, mahirap ng buuin.
"You choose Sam! Ako o siya. If you choose me, I don't want you seeing her again! But if you choose her...you'll lose me forever. Mamili ka!" Banta niya kay Sam.
I can't take it anymore. Ayoko ng marinig pa ang pagpili niya kay Iza at pagsa walang bahala ng kahit pagkakaibigan nalang namin. Tumakbo ako palabas, and goodness gracious!
Andito nanaman ang Gyle na ito! Parati akong kinukulit ng lalaki na ito! To think that i'm nothing compared all the girls here, kataka-taka na ako pa ang matitipuhan niya!
Ako na mismo ang umiwas kay Sam para hindi na sila mag-away ni Iza. Buong taon ko sa high school ay hindi naglalandas ang aming daan. Inanyayahan kami nung graduation niya para sa isang mini celebration sa bahay nila, my parents and brother came but I pretended to be sick so that I have an excuse not to come.
The pain is still fresh even if years passed by. I have to thank Gyle for being there for me all along. Kahit papano ay naiibsan ang sakit na dulot ni Sam. Kahit papano, natutunan ko muli na pasayahin at mahalin ang sarili ko. Natutunan ko ulit kung paano maging masaya at ngumiti ng hindi siya ang dahilan. Three years passed and I've learned to love Gyle. I was happy, not after he planned something horrible.
And once again, my heart did gets broken.
Unti unti kong iminulat ang mga mata ko. I no longer feel the coldness, I feel so warm, comfortable and at the same time, I can feel that there's a heavy arm wrapped around me.
Tumingin ako sa paligid. I'm in our room now! But how? I remember that i'm sitting outside and staring at the stars. Oh great! Nakatulog ako.
I look at the man beside me, sino pa nga ba kung hindi si Sam na mahimbing na natutulog. I can feel his heavy breathing.
Itutulak ko sana ang kamay niya pero may mumunting nagsasabi sa akin na huwag gawin iyon. Pinagmasdan ko siyang mabuti, hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya...ilong...at ang labi na hinalikan ko kanina.
If you just fall for me when we were younger? I wonder what would be our future? I'm sure we're married now. Kahit na under age pa kami, my parents like Sam too much! If Sam loved me earlier, it wouldn't be a burden now.
Isinandal ko ang noo ko sa mga dibdib niya. I can feel his heavy breathing. I can't help but to cry again. I'm torn between Gyle and Sam.
Unti unti kong naramdaman ang paghigpit ng yakap niya sa akin. Unti unti kong inangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. Hinalikan niya ang noo ko at malungkot na ngumiti.
"You leave a hundred times, I'll follow you a million. I've been loving you since day one, sweetie. Please don't ever doubt that." Bulong niya.
