The World of The Winged

I'm An Idiot

Chapter 19:

Gure throws me from his shoulder onto the back of his horse, Luke takes the leads of my horse and Gure quickly climbs on his horse, trapping me.

I slowly start to sit up and put my swords back in their sheaths. I wrap my arms around his waist and cry against his back. Why did those people have to suffer and die? Why couldn't it be me instead of them? They didn't deserve to die, they had lifes and feelings and frustrations.

"Amelia," I hear Gure squeeze out, "I can't breath." He says and I loosen my arms around him, mumbling an apology. His hand finds my leg and he outs it there in an attempt to comfort me. "Why them?" I whisper and his head hangs low. "I don't know."

The horses all start riding into the opposite direction of Choisir. "Why couldn't we be there sooner, we could've saved them right?" I ask. "I don't know, Amy." I look over my shoulder back to Choisir. The shadows had drawn closer and were watching us move away. 

"Don't ever think you'll avenge someone when you feel this much pain, okay? You won't be able to save anyone that way, you'll just kill yourself while trying." Gure says and I nod against his back. I look at the rest of the group. Luke and Ryan are looking at me with worry in their eyes. Lucien, Zero and Zilanna are staring straight ahead, Lucien has his jaw clenched and his brows furrowed. 

It's hurting him, seeing that. I know it does.

Zero looks like he's trying to play it off as if he's used to it, which he probably is. But most of the murders he had seen or had commited were murders of bad people or family. Not these innocent people. We didn't know them, but I'm supposed to be here to save everyone, damnit. I feel responsible.

Zilanna sits in her saddle like always. The same look on her face. But this time, a small tear could be seen on her cheek. I want to wipe it away, to comfort her. But I can't, I can't even comfort myself so how would I be able to comfort anyone else.

Lucien's eyes meet mine and his face relaxes as he gives me a small smile. I don't know what to do so I just wave at him and he waves back.

---

The ceiling of the cave's slowly changing color to a dark blue, making it darker around us all. I had stopped crying a long time ago, forcing myself to surpress it for now. Half of group is gathering wood for a fire in groups of two. The other half's setting up camp. I belong to the second half.

The first half returns with stacks of branches and sticks in their arms. They throw them all in a big pile and I take some old leaves and small branches and set them on fire underneath the rest of the wood. We all gather around the fire, everyone quietly talking amongst themselves except me. I like being silent once in a while, this is one of those times where I just want to be silent and listen to the sounds around me, to look into the fire, smell the burning wood and leaves and just take it all in. Sunken deep in thought.

Everyone went to their sleeping bags one by one, until only Gure and I were left with a small pile of ash and some pieces of wood. It still gives us just enough light to see around us and see eachother. I need... something.

I don't know what I want or need but I need something. Something that might take this horrible empty feeling away. I look over to Gure, who's sitting close to me, our knees touching. He's already looking at me and he blushes a tiny bit, but doesn't avert his eyes from mine. "How- uhmm... How are you feeling." he asks.

"Empty, lonely, crushed, angry, frustrated." I answer cold and simple and he mouths 'oh' before looking down and it's silent again...

I bring my hand up to his cheek and touch it. He quickly looks up at me.