Ghost In The Snow

Chapter 36: Under the tree

Trigger warning: suicide and violence are both mentioned

We sat under the tree.

It was all very cold though. Yet there was no snow.

Yet.

It was the first day of December, and I honestly couldn't be any more disappointed. It was just cold, the annoying cold that makes your lips chap, your ears red and rips the insides of your throat open.

Or maybe that was because of the cold I had just gotten rid off. It had been nice to stay in bed all day with Gerard the first day, cuddling, drinking hot chocolate, napping, watching movies, and all of that good stuff. But he wasn't sick, so he went to school the next day, where I actually went home. The place where I was supposed to live, where the few mails and letters arrived and where my mom stood in the kitchen, smiling like she just saw his husband come home from war. But then she sighed when I basically coughed my lungs out and asked for some medicine and blankets. She still seemed happy to see me though. It wasn't like I was far away, she could literally come and visit me every day, but she was busy anyway. She didn't really have the time to keep an eye on her own daughter.

But we sat under the tree, our breaths looking like smoke, our faces fucking frozen. We all just stared at each other. There was an awkward silence. Frank seemed impatient. He quickly looked around before standing up. "Fuck this, I'm going inside. I love sitting here, but it's too cold to sit out here, acting like we're fine with freezing our asses off." He giggled a bit though his voice had been a little harsh. "Come on", he called out and motioned for us to follow him inside.

Gerard and I stayed.

We weren't freezing. Our hands were connected like most of the time. And though they were exposed for the biting cold, it was the warmest part of my body.

"I need to tell you something", Gerard said in a cold voice. "Yeah?", I answered casually, though I felt like this was something important. "Two things, really", he said and ignored my simple 'yeah' from before.

He didn't look at me, but at his dark boots, which kicked some small stones, which had been stuck to the ground, around. "It's a long time ago, and.. Well. Frank and I... we... We were in a relationship, kind of." I instantly looked up at him, trying to catch his gaze, but it was like he was living in another world. I felt something inside me turn around uncomfortably. "It wasn't anything serious at all, it wasn't even official. It was just like a different kind of friendship. A friendship with lots of hugs, holding hands, and sometimes stealing a kiss. Perhaps like the relationship you had with Frank, not being sure if you were friends or more." He looked at me for a second, cold eyes, not so positive and loving as I thought they would be. "It's okay Gerard, I don't mind..."

Because I didn't mind. Not really. It was the past.

"That's not the important thing", he said and pressed his lips together. "Not at all", he exhaled and I could feel the pain that followed.

"Before Frank and I had this thing, he dated a super pretty girl called Sarah Jackson." "Wait", I interrupted him, "Isn't Daniel's surname Jackson?" Gerard nodded. "It is. It was her sister." "Was?", I asked and felt chills down my back. "When Frank realized how much of a clingy, obsessed, stupid, dangerous brat she was, he dumped her. Of course, it's common sense. But she had a breakdown, totally out of control. She even stalked Frank, like, for real. And when she found out about Frank and I - she committed suicide."

Gerard looked down.

"Oh my god", I whispered and felt the blame freeze in my heart. "Before that, Daniel and Frank were quite good friends. But after, Daniel totally blamed Frank and me for his sister's death. He got together with the rest of the jocks and they would spit on us, call us faggots, murderers, and even beat us up once in awhile. So Frank and I couldn't continue our lives like that. We didn't talk for like a year, until we decided to start the band. Daniel didn't care about us anymore, not at all. He had a bunch of other things to do, like beat up even younger kids."

Gerard sent me a sad smile.

I guess you can smile in a sad way after all.

"But then you came along as their new target. Unluckily you know Frank and I, our circle of people."

"Freaks".

"But we beat him up that day, you remember, and he is no longer with his group of jocks. He can't harm you now, I promise you that. Daniel is not dangerous on his own. He's too weak. I will protect you, and Frank will too. Because we know what it feels like to be a target."

He smiled to me, now a bit more happy.

I sat there in shock, felt like I had been lied to all along. I had so many questions, but the cold froze my whirling thoughts. But it didn't matter, because Daniel Jackson didn't care about any of us, not since they beat him up. He knew that they would protect me, each other, and themselves. And no one would hang out with Daniel anymore, not since he ripped open the old wound the fight between him, Gerard, and Frank, apparently was. Because no one cared about us since that day.

We could live our own lives.

"I just wanted you to know that. But, on a happier note, you haven't heard of the school's Winter Gala, have you?"

I shook my head as a warm smile grew on Gerard's white face.

"Good. It's in like two weeks? A gala where you need to wear a dress." He smirked at me, I don't think he had ever seen me in such piece of clothing. "Only people with a partner or date are allowed to come in. So Ray and his girlfriend will be there. I don't know if Mikey will find the courage to ask his crush out." I felt a cheeky grin grow on my own face, "he has a crush?" Gerard nodded proudly, "yeah, I don't remember her name, but.." He shrugged and chuckled.

"But would you like to go with me to the Winter Gala, Tess?"

"Of course", I answered and squeezed his hand.