Ghost In The Snow

Chapter 22: The ghost of you

Trigger warnings: 'suicide', blood, scars, anxiety

I had waited for some time now. Why did it take Gerard such a long time? He went out in the bathroom like ten minutes ago. I was getting impatient. I decided to walk out in the hallway, marching over to the bathroom door. I knocked on the door, a hollow sound filled the hallway. "Gerard?", I called.

No answer.

I knocked again. "Ehm, are you okay in there? Geraaard?" Still no answer, not even a single sound. I hammered on the door again, starting to feel a nervous knot in my stomach. "Gerard?", I whined with a shaky voice. No response at all. "Gerard! It's not funny..." I slammed my fist into the door. "Say something, Gerard!", I yelled and looked around.

Nobody was here.

Something wasn't right.

Something didn't seem true.

"GERARD!", I yelled and started kicking the door. Something was wrong, I could feel it in my gut. My eyes started to get wet, and my throat tightened. I kicked and smashed my hand into the door, again and again and again. The door was locked, and I had no key. I started crying, the tears pushing through. I took a few steps away from the door, then ran straight into the door. The lock broke and the door opened up. I ran into the bathroom, looked around for a second, blinded by the bright lights, then looking at the bathroom floor.

Him.

I placed my hand over my open mouth, my jaw had dropped, my knees felt like jelly, and my eyes gazed at the surreal scene.

Gerard was lying on the white tiles in his black hoodie and black jeans. His sweaty, black hair surrounded his extremely pale skin. His eyes were matte, terrified and dead, looking at nothing at all. His nose was dripping with blood, the same with his open mouth. There were foam and pills in his mouth. White foam mixed with the dark red blood. A pool of the red liquid slowly spread on the tiles, a few pills had fallen out of his mouth. In his hand, the brownish glass was. Only a handful of the white pills were in the glass, the rest were somewhere in his body. He was shaking slightly, only just holding onto life.

I made a high pitched noise and quickly sat down next to him. "Gerard", I whispered and lifted his heavy body onto my lap. He didn't react, didn't do anything, it was over. The glass fell out of his hand, rolled away under the counters as if it was ashamed of what it had done.

I held Gerard's head up, kissed his forehead and felt some of his blood on my chin. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. They fell down on his cheek. "Gerard, stay with me! I love you, come on, don't go!" I buried my head into his jacket, his chest, and cried: "Stay".

I knew that wasn't gonna help, so I straightened up and turned him around. He was still lying on my lap, but now on his side. I shoved two of my fingers into his mouth and hoped he would throw some of the pills up. Nothing happened.

It was too late.

He was gone.

I turned him around again and cried into his chest. My hands were bloody, my face and jeans as well. I whined and continued crying into Gerard Arthur Way's corpse.

I heard a gurgling sound, a silent coffing. "Can.. we be in... t-this fight... together again?", he whispered.

"What fight?!", I screamed and cried, hugging my covers and turned around and around. I was sweating a lot, my pajamas was stuck to my skin. I sat up in my bed, my eyes were wide and I was gasping for air. Everything was dark. The air in my room was cold. My face and neck were all wet from my tears, and even my hair stuck to my skin. Disgusting.