Ghost In The Snow

Chapter 37: Shadows

Trigger warning: Scars are mentioned

I felt the excitement bubble around inside me like small reindeers fighting, their horns stabbing me from the inside. That sure didn't sound pleasant, but it was all a mess. Some mix between nervousness and excited happiness. I was excited to fool around with Gerard, be myself 100% and not care about all the other haters staring at us, the emo motherfuckers. And though we were going to fool around a bit, we still had to act classy. Act. Straighten our backs and say hello to other people in a nice tone. But that was it. Nothing was going to stop Gerard and I tonight.

I took a deep breath, trying to cool my nerves, and turned around in front of my mirror. I smiled to myself as I touched the soft, black material. The red ribbon around my hips was even softer, just like silk. Maybe it was silk. The same red, silky material touched my thighs, it actually tickled a bit. Most of the red was covered by more black. You can never get enough black on a dress like this. I had even put stuff on my face. Not much, but a gentle tint of red around my eyes and black mascara.

I chuckled at myself, this was silly, wasn't it? Me in a dress and makeup! It did feel better than the skirts the girls wore at school, and I would say my makeup looked better than their usual caked up shit. The dress had no shoulder straps or anything above my chest or anything to cover my arms, and it worried me a bit, since some of my scars would be visible. Though the dress and my makeup were all fancy, I still wore my old black converse. It really destroyed the fanciness, but this dress was amazing anyway, and though it was going to be fucking cold, walking over to the school and back home to Gerard, it would be worth it. Definitely.

I exhaled, my breath all shaky, because I was so nervous. Gerard could knock on my door any second now. I was really just waiting for him now. Waiting in front of my mirror.

And it all seemed so weird, because I was at home. In my own room, which seemed so empty and lonely. The whole house felt lonely. Boring without my teenage-thoughts to fly around and destroy everything and create some drama. If it wasn't because Gerard's mom had said Gerard should not see my dress until tonight, I had been hanging out with Gerard and Mikey right now. But no, no, everyone acted like this was a fucking wedding, so that's why I was home. But who cared, it was exciting anyway.

I heard a knock, and without realizing, I ran down the stairs and opened the door. I hadn't even felt my feet move, it just happened in less than a blink of an eye. Like magic. Everything felt like magic today, like I was so important and free from worries. I had never felt so... beautiful. It was all so classy as if we had travelled back in time, I felt like I was flying on a goddamn cloud, every hint of sadness and confusion had just vaporised like boiling water. Reality felt surreal.

Just like Gerard's face.

It was like he played a gruesome joke on me. His face looked like it did at the concert. Black and a reddish brown around his eyes, possibly some mascara too. His skin not so pale though, slightly red cheeks because of the cold. He definitely wore more makeup than I did.

"Come on, you're not serious", I laughed at him and his face just grows into one big toothy grin. "It's our night, Tess. No one can decide what we have to look like. What we have to do. What we have to be." He lays one of his hands on my shoulder and comes inside.

I closed the door, and when I look at Gerard again, he stands there with a red rose in his hand, like it appeared out of nowhere. I smirk at him. He smirks back, and it's like we have a few seconds of smirk-war. I give in when I take the blood red rose. I smell its refreshing and sweet scent. It has a hint of Gerard's smell as well.

I noticed he glanced up and down at me, so I decided to do the same. The shiny black strands of hair didn't clump together like they usually did, so he had actually washed his hair recently. And he had actually cut it, or Ray did- so now it wasn't hanging down on his shoulders, but just touched his collar on the black shirt. He didn't have the heart to cut it shorter than that. Gerard was also wearing a red tie, the only colorful object on him except for his eyemakeup. The rest of him was black or white: white face, black hair, black shirt and jacket, black pants and shoes.