I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

ｗｏｒｓｔ ｂｉｒｔｈｄａｙ ｅｖｅｒ

It's after class and Frank has already got me from class. We had walked out to the football field and sat at the bleachers, waiting for everyone else. It had just got done raining so the field and everything was wet. It wasn't raining hard anymore, but it was like a mist.

Frank was kinda shaky, but I was walking up and down the bleachers, my arms out as I walked across each one. I could hear Gwen's squeal and quickly turned around to see her on her ass, and Gerard helping her up.

I quickly ran down, Frank looking back at me and hopping up, grabbing me and putting me on the ground. "be careful, I don't want you to get hurt."

I smiled and skipped over to Gwen, laughing at her and she gave me a cold dead stare. "So, where to now? Back to Frank's place for the party?"

Gerard shook his head and smirked at Frank, handshaking him then giving him a manly hug, like the Pat on the back kind.

"didn't you hear?" Gwen said, grabbing my arm and walking us down the football field. "You and Frank are going into the living room to watch a movie, while everyone else sets up for you twos birthday's...."

The guys were following behind, I looked back at Frank, who was pushing on Gerard and laughing it up, hugging him now and then as Mikey started to jump on Bob and Ray. The funny thing was, I wanted to join them. Hang with them. Be one of the guys. But I'm stuck here. Being a girl. Being so pristine and so fragile. While the boys can have fun...

"Hello? Earth to Nicole!" I shook my head and looked at Gwen. "Hmm? Oh yea, sounds like fun."

She shook her head and sighed, looking down as we walked. "You didn't hear what I said, did you?"

My face smiled awkwardly up at her and I gave a little huffed giggle. "No?"

She shook her head as we turned a small corner, down the street that I lived down.

"Look, Frank's sister is going to be there. So is his nephew. But his brother in law won't be there..."

I looked at her with a puzzled face. "and you know all of this how?" I shook my head and let go of her arm. "wait, how come I don't know about this stuff and you do."

She shook her head with a small laugh. "because I overheard Frank talking about it to Gerard in third period." she sighed and looked down the road, biting her lip. "What I wouldn't give to leave this place. Take Gerard with me and we could never come back."

I looked over at her with a sigh. Half of me didn't want her to leave. But the other half wanted her to go. But only if she took me with her. "So, where would you go? If you left New Jersey. Where would you go?"

Gwen smiled, looking back at Gerard, and looked a bit sad. "New York. Maybe. It depends I guess." I watched her look at Gerard, and I looked back at Gerard for a second, then back at Gwen.

*********

We made it home, and we were all locked in the Movie room. Me, Gerard, Frank, Mikey and Ray. Of course Ray and Gerard got the chairs. I laid on the pillows in the middle, laying on my stomach with my feet in the air. Gerard, sat in the car in the front right side. Ray behind me in the other chair. Frank laid beside me, a few inches away. And Mikey sat up front.