Teenage Wasteland {hood a.u.}

Chapter 3- Dead

Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Dear Dallas,

I just got back from having lunch with Calum. He's interesting I guess you could say. Something about him is quite intriguing. He got mad at me when I asked him about his parents.

He kind of seems like a dick though, to be honest. I know you're probably mad at me for cussing, but whatever. It turns out that him and I do have quite a few things in common. We listen to most of the same music.

Oh, sorry bro. I forgot to tell you what he looks like. He has chocolate brown eyes, and blackish hair. He has a tattoo on his chest (I only know this because of when the guys went swimming) and he had a lip piercing. Or that's what he claimed.

He seems nice kind of, I mean in a badass kind of way? Am I making any sense to you? I don't know. He makes me feel something else, kind of like a thrill when I'm with him. Like to expect the unexpected kind of thing.

I don’t know, there’s something about him that makes me want to befriend him. Befriend, big word. Maybe you know it? Nah, you’re dumb. I’m just kidding I love you. Don’t forget it. I really do miss you bro, I wish you were here. With me. Or I was wherever you are, with you. It’s weird being without you. It’s not a good weird though, I feel so damn lost. I don’t know anymore Dallas.

Nadia is worried about me, she thinks I need “help”. I think I’m perfectly fine, maybe a little crazy. But we’re all crazy here, right? She says that she’s only looking out for me. I think everyone’s just trying to label me as something. “Schizophrenic,” maybe? I don’t hear voices though. “Depressed,” maybe? No, I’m not sad, anymore. I just miss you. “Anxious,” maybe? No, I don’t have anxiety attacks, anymore.  I’ll be fine, I swear.

That’s what I keep telling them. I’m fine. Really. I’m fine. I promise. I promise.

Mom and dad miss you. They still haven’t texted me. They miss you lots. I promise.

I miss you, when are you coming home? You’re coming home, right? You promised.

It’s almost been four years Dallas, when are you coming home? You promised. Crawford’s don’t break their promises. You pinky swore upon it.

Don’t break your promise Dallas. Don’t break it.

Calum is a nice guy, really. He’s taking me out for breakfast tomorrow. It’s currently 5:37 PM. Yeah I know, I got home from “lunch” late. But he really didn’t take me out till 1 PM. He’s a nice guy. I promise.

Just like you, Dallas. I miss you. I miss you, Dallas. When are you coming home? Are you coming home soon, Dallas? You promised. Don’t break your promise. Mom and dad always said not to break your promises.

I haven’t seen mom nor dad in a while. I lied, before, Dallas. I did dye my hair red. But mom nor dad saw it. I’m sorry I lied. Please forgive me. Mom mom and pop pop say hi though. They live with us now. We’re all one big happy family. Sorry, I lied again. That was that last lie. I’m sorry. i promise.

Mom mom and pop pop do live with us now though, they live in mom and dad’s room. Mom and dad now live in your room. Your old room.

Is it wrong for me to be so excited to see Calum tomorrow? He seems sane. Maybe he can keep me sane. Well, more sane than I already am. I am sane. I promise. Just a little less sane without you here. But I am normal. I promise.

Atleast I don’t break my promises, Dallas. We are two different people. Yet we couldn’t be more the same.

Why couldn’t I have been the one with cancer? You know I hated to see you suffering. Well, you’re not suffering anymore. You’re coming home soon, Dallas. You promised.

I think I’m staying with Rae a little longer. Considering the fact that when I called mom and dad I got their voicemails. I told mom mom and pop pop that I’m staying here longer though. Maybe even the whole summer. I needed to get out of that house. I was going to go insane.

Mom and dad used to always fight, remember that? I haven’t heard anything from them in a while. I need to hear their voices. I hear their voices in my head, telling me to keep my promises but that’s the last time I’ve heard from them.

Tamara, Ash and Ian went home. They said they’d visit soon. I made them promise. So I know they’ll come back. They have to. They promised.

But, it seems like everyone who has ever promised me something, broke their promises. Everyone leaves me, Dallas. Why does everyone do that?

Is there something wrong with me? Tell me there’s nothing wrong with me. Actually you can’t tell me there’s anything wrong with me. Cause you fucking left. You left me here. What do you want me to do without you, Dallas?

I don’t know what I’ll be wearing on my date with Calum tomorrow, yes he actually confimed it this time. Tomorrow is actually a date. He didn’t tell me where we’re going though, just to wear something nice. I think I’ll wear a sundress.

That reminds me, I need to go back home to get more clothes. If I decide to stay for another month. Thanks for reminding me, Dallas. I don’t know what I’d do without you. It’s fine though, I’m fine though. You know I’m fine. That’s why you left me here. Right, Dallas? Because you know I can fend for myself, right? It’d be easier if you were here though.

But I don’t have to worry much longer, because you’re coming home soon. You fucking promised.

I miss you,

Jasey