Teenage Wasteland {hood a.u.}

Chapter 16- Give Me One Good Reason

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Dear Dallas,

School’s starting on September 19th. I’m enlisted in online courses considering that I don’t need many credits because I already have more than required. I didn’t have any summer reading books to read so of course being me, I had to get some more books to read.

Calum picked me up from the hospital yesterday, he told me that “no one should be cooped up staring at their best friend all day.” I mean, I guess he has a point, right? He took me to this run of the mill bookstore in Huntington Beach, but I didn’t like any of the books there. They were all too new. I like old books, there’s a different feel to them. Like the writing.

Like in the book ‘A Separate Peace’ by John Knowles there was a feel that the two main characters, Finny and Gene were gay for eachother -- when the book was published gay wasn’t okay, so it had that vibe to it, but since it wasn’t alright, you couldn’t really tell if it were about two lovers, or two best friends. After the book was published the author came out about being gay, so that answers that question.

To my surprise, Calum likes to read also. He’s in school. He’s going to be a senior. He takes online courses because he said going to public school ‘just wasn’t for him’. I feel like he was the kind of kid who always got in trouble for being a dick to everyone. Don’t get me wrong here, Dallas. I like him a lot, it’s just he can be formidable before you meet him.

Formidable (adjective)- causing fear, apprehension, or dread:

I wrote that in there for you because I figured you wouldn’t know what the word meant. Anyways, it turns out that Calum is an avid reader as well, shocked? So was I. I found out many things about him after we left the ‘too mainstream for me bookstore’. We ended up going a two towns over until we saw an antique bargain bookstore. The ones that look a little rundown on the side of the road, that’s the kind that we went to.

I found out that he’s in a band with the 4 boys that I have met, Ashton, Michael and of course the marvelous Luke. Fuck, Luke. I blew him off for our plans a couple of days ago. I’m pretty sure Calum told him that I wasn’t feeling well or something because they live together. I still consider Luke one of my close friends even though I’ve only known him for a little while, but he’s such a sweetheart and I feel like he’s a great listener. I mean, not that Luke’s not. But I feel like in a weird way that he understands what I’m going through? I honestly doubt he does. But, whatever.

Their band is called ‘5 Seconds of Summer’ and Calum told me that I could go to one of their practices sometime to hear them play. I didn’t know Calum liked music that much, I mean I knew he liked to listen to music but I didn’t know that he liked to play. I wish he would have told me sooner.

I’m sorry about my last couple of entries. It’s my new medicine, I promise. It makes me feel different emotions but I think I’m starting to get better because the doctors said it should only last a couple of days before it got better. I’m feeling better, Dallas. Don’t you want that? I’m happy for me.

I’m actually with Calum right now. He knows I write to you. He thinks it’s kind of cool? I don’t know. We’re in the car, driving to who knows where-- so I decided to take out my journal and write to you till we get to wherever we’re going. It’s about 9 in the morning right now because Calum picked me up at around 8 and then we went out for breakfast at our diner.

Calum has big dreams. I kind of wish I was like him when it came to the future. I don’t really see anything in my future. I don’t know. “Just couldn’t never catch up with his dreams, that’s all” (A Raisin In The Sun, Lorraine Hansberry, 46). I hope that doesn’t happen to Calum. He deserves a whole lot. He deserves the best. I’m smiling right now. I don’t know if you’re watching over me and can see, but I’m smiling.

I know we both don’t believe in god or heaven, but I’d like to think that you’re spiritually with me. That sounds weird as fuck, but I really like to think that you’re with me, somehow. I sound like a fucking hippie.

I miss ya heaps, bro. Heaps. Calum’s aussi-ness is rubbing off on me. He moved here when he was young, from Australia. He didn’t tell me much more than that.

We’ve now been riding for forty-five minutes. I don’t know where we’re going, but as long as I’m with Calum I’m perfectly content. When did I become one of those cliche girls?

Calum doesn’t have much planned for the future, I don’t think. Besides becoming a famous punk rock band. But have you seen Luke and Ashton? There’s no way that they can be punk rock with them. I mean Luke’s literally an oversized kid or puppy. He’s a giant, but he’s also like one of the sweetest people that I’ve ever crossed paths with in my entire life. I’ve only talked to Ashton like three times, but he’s also like a little kid, possibly a five year old. I don’t think Ashton has any tattoos or piercings, but he giggles like a school girl. Luke on the other hand has a lip piercing. If anyone ever asked me to point out something on Luke that didn’t belong, I’d point to his lip ring. It makes him more intimidating, but it’s completely offsetting because after you have a conversation with him you’re left baffled. Luke is kind of like Augustus Waters, attractive and smart. Unlike Augustus, Luke doesn’t talk very intellectual, but I’m sure he could if he wanted. He probably doesn’t because no one would understand what he was talking about, besides me.

As I’m sitting here in Calum’s car, in his passenger seat, I take glances at him. He’s truly gorgeous. Can guys be gorgeous? Because he is. I think he can tell that I’m looking at him every so often because he’ll smirk while his eyes are still trained on the road. He placed his hand over my hand, but took it off when I started writing again (because I’m a lefty--in case you forgot). He left his lip piercing in, which I’m thankful for. I think he knows that I swoon over it, so I’m almost positive that he does it on purpose because he’s a cocky little shit. I really like him, Dallas. I don’t know why, I can honestly say that I don’t know why I like him as much as I do. I don’t know if I’m ‘falling for him’ or not; I hate that term. It sounds weird. Why would I ‘fall’ for someone? It sounds painful. Well, I mean emotionally it would be painful. Because what if we break up? What if we decide to go our separate ways over time? What if we drift apart?

Calum’s so caring though, you know once you get passed his ‘punk’ exterior that he calls it. He likes to think he’s punk. But if you look at him long and hard you notice little things about him. Like how he scrunches his nose when he laughs, or how the creases around his eyes crinkle when he laughs as well. Or how when he laughs he pokes out his tongue a little bit. Also how his jawlines so defined that it looks like you could cut something with them. But, at the same time he has the chubbiest cheeks ever. But, I also noticed how he somewhat has a lisp (he’s going to kill me for telling you this). He disagrees that he does, but at first I didn’t hear it, but that was because of his Australian accent. But in all honesty it’s obvious now, because of the three other Aussie’s that I’m friends with. He has a lisp compared to them, like if he had a Californian accent, you’d definitely hear it. But, I’ve also noticed how big his heart is. How much he cares for the people he loves. He must love his family a lot, or his aunt and uncle. He doesn’t talk about his ‘mum or dad’, but I figured he’ll tell me when he’s ready.

We’ve just pulled up to a little motel. It’s cute, it’s not like run down, but it’s not over the top. I’ve got to go, I’ll tell you what’s going on once we settle in and everything. I honestly don’t know why we’re here. But… Whenever I’m with Calum it’s an adventure, and I’m ecstatic.

Love you,

Jasey