Teenage Wasteland {hood a.u.}

Chapter 13- The Anthem

<A/N I dedicate this chapter to everyone who is struggling with something. Stay in there.> 

Friday, August 16th, 2013

Dear Dallas,

Yesterday night was amazing. Well, this morning too; I guess. It’s currently around 5pm on Friday. I guess I should tell you what happened yesterday… Well Calum took me on a date. Not like we’ve haven’t been on dates before, but you know.

I think I’ve finally cracked him. He stopped his whole bad boy image. Not like he’s always had it up around me, but we’re making progress.

 Anyways, I got my medication: I’m taking it again. It still makes me feel weird, but at least I’m closer to normal then I’ve ever been.

So, last night Calum took me on a ‘surprise’ as he put it. He told me to wear comfortable clothes, and pack an overnight bag; which of course I did. We pulled an ‘all nighter’ as he called it. He apparently reads a lot… I know I was shocked too… A bad boy who reads, he’s most definitely a keeper. We pulled one of those all nighters like in ‘Paper towns’ by John Green. Except, we didn’t have to pull any ninja moves because Rae’s parents weren’t even at the beach house, Rae wasn’t there either so it wasn’t a big deal. We drove around until we got to the top of a mountain. He has a pickup truck too, to we set in the trunk of his truck. It was cute, in all honesty. He had pillows and blankets laid out all around. He also brought his laptop with him so we watched a couple movies that he had DVD’s for. He had this like laptop charger that he was able to plug into the ashtray and everything. Since the laptop screen was small, we had to cuddle close together to be able to both see the screen… Considering that I was a dumb ass and completely forgot my glasses at home; home. Like our house, with grandpa in it. Not home with Rae. My old home.

Anyways, Calum brought food and everything too. It was extravagant. He literally went the whole nine yards. It feels weird, to be like wanted. Is that weird? I don’t know. I’m not used to this feeling.

After we watched like two movies -- The Vow and The Woman In Black -- Calum picked the movies; not me. It was definitely a bad decision to watch The Vow before The Woman In Black, though. I think Calum purposely picked a scary movie because he thought that I would cuddle into him, but unfortunately he didn’t know that I don’t scare all that easily; well now he knows. But I did feel bad that he tried so hard for this to be perfect and have me snuggle into him, so I rewarded him for it. I kissed him, yeah it was kind of our first kiss. Which is weird, considering that we’ve been on so many dates. It felt right though. Was it wrong for his lips on mine to feel so perfect? It felt like everything in my life was starting to make sense.

No, we didn’t actually sleep in the back of his old pickup truck, if that’s what you’re thinking, Dallas. No, we also didn’t stay at some sleazy hotel either.

Anyways, after we finished the movies my stomach started rumbling. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, ‘didn’t you eat while you were watching the movies’ the answer is yes. But, sadly Calum ate all of the food during the first movie, so I only got like a couple of chips. Thank god that he remembered that I liked pita chips and hummus though, because he brought it with him. How did all the food not go stale, you may ask? Well, smart Calum brought it all in a cooler. He’s such a dork, but he’s my dork. And I wouldn’t change him for anything in the world. He’s literally like a little puppy and he’s just so adorable.

 He decided to actually not wear his lip ring though, but it made me kind of sad. But at the same time I don’t know if I would’ve like his lip ring in whilst we kiss. I think it would feel weird. Kind of like kissing like a pole or something, because it’s metal.

 I really didn’t know what part of California we were in but I knew it couldn’t be that far from Huntington Beach considering we drove for under an hour. Of course, we went to a diner. Because we are that kind of cliché couple, deal with it. It was kind of like our diner. I’m going to refer to it as our diner because it seems to be the only place that’s extremely serene and where we seem to always find ourselves when we have no place to go. The diner he took me to was old, but it was cute. It definitely was from like the 1970’s or something, but that’s what made it cool, it was retro. Considering we got there at a quarter to eleven almost, no one was there, almost no one.

I swear, I find out more about this boy each day. He likes music, like a lot. (Probably explains why I like him so much). He knows what song I’m singing three fourths of the time, no joke. It’s really wondrous, actually. He makes me feel different, like I get a natural high by just hanging out with him. I know you may think that we’re moving too fast or whatever, but honestly we’re not. He’s imperfect, but that is what makes him perfect, for me.

 It feels eccentric to have someone want me. Have you ever craved someone so much, that you need to be with them? I can feel his presence. I just realized how fucking creepy that is. But, I can.

 His cuddles are fervor. No, we’re not sleeping with each other, like that. But, I can still cuddle him. It’s not a crime to cuddle with your boyfriend.

Alas, we ended up going back to his apartment which I have found out he shares with Luke.This was the first time that I have ever been to his apartment though, plus Luke wasn’t there. We ended up cuddling in his room, with my arm around his chest and my face pressed just below his tattoo, and his arm around my waist and his other arm that wasn’t slung around me underneath his head. We ended up watching ‘Friends,’ because he claims that it’s his favorite show. I told him that, that wasn’t very punk rock of him and he told me to fuck off. 

We ended up falling asleep there. Like that. I fell asleep to the little pitter patter of his heart. As much as he tries to act all badass and shit, I see him for the real him. Which is a vulnerable scared little boy. No, I’m not making fun of him. But, it’s the truth. He seems scared, scared of something, I don’t know what it is. But I’m going to find out. One way or another.

I think Rae’s pushing me away. I haven’t really talked to her in a couple days. Like I mean we’d say ‘hi’ at stuff but she doesn’t come to me with her drama anymore.

Well, her epilepsy has become more noticeable. Remember when we found out about it? It was honestly the scariest thing I had ever saw in my life, besides when all the traumatizing moments that you had ever put me through. I mean, her epilepsy isn’t like awful, but she can’t control it. I don’t think she ever could. She would just leave the room if she thought she was going to have a seizure, but now I don’t think she knows when it’s going to occur.

Don’t you hate not being in charge of your own body? I know you felt that way, with your cancer and everything. But I never really thought twice about it. Not till recently. Rachel literally has no control over her life. Like her parents give her freedom and shit, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Rae is controlled by her seizures. She can’t get away from them. There’s nothing she can do about it. Unlike me, I am able to control my voices. The voices in my head. But, that’s only because of my new medication. I hated not being able to control my body and I’m convinced that Rae feels the exact same way. Maybe this is why she’s pushing me away. She knows that I don’t like seeing her like this. But there’s nothing she can do about it. I feel like such a shit friend not being able to help her. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to help her, in all honesty.

Can we just hope that she gets better? If there is any way of stopping epilepsy please let me know. I would be enlightened to hear.

P.S. Calum’s taking me on a date in an hour. I’ve been writing to you for about an hour now. So I shall go, I will try to write more often. But, it’s getting harder for me to write now. Because, shockingly enough, I now have a life. A life that doesn’t revolve around yours, anymore.

Love you,

Jasey.