Teenage Wasteland {hood a.u.}

Chapter 6- Too Late

Thursday, June 27th, 2013

Dear Dallas,

Hey bro, remember me? Sorry, it’s been a couple days. My life’s been hectic. But, you wouldn’t know. Because you fucking left.

I’m sorry, if I seem angry at you, well it’s because I am. Whenever something seems to go right in my life, it takes a sharp turn left and something gets fucked up.

Our grandmother is in the hospital. It would be greatly appreciated if you would come home now. Be fucking reincarnated or some shit. Come fucking home. Now.

I’ve lost nearly all of our family, our aunts and uncles don’t even try to call me anymore, and pop pop has been at the hospital with mom mom. No one knows what happened to mom and dad. Or, no one will tell me.

I stopped taking my medication. I don’t care anymore, I hope I get worse.

Yeah, I know it’s wrong of me. But I don’t care. I don’t trust myself, what if I take too many?

What if I take too many? What if I take too many? What if I overdose? How cool would that be? I’d be with you. I’d be with you.

What if I overdose? The overwhelming weight on my shoulders would be taken off. I’d be free. Don’t I want that, Dallas?

My pills weren’t working anymore, that’s why I stopped taking them. They were making me feel weird, like weird. Like fucked up weird.

What if I overdose? I’d be on cloud nine. There would be no burdens, I’d be free.

Would anyone miss me? What if no one would miss me?

Who would miss me? No one would miss me. I have no one. Everyone left.

-Jasey

May 17th 1996- June 27th 2013

 

Sunday, June 30th, 2013

Dear Dallas,

So apparently my doctors appointment was today. Mom mom scheduled it wrong or something. I don’t know, she got it mistaken with July 30th.

Well, I went to the doctors. It was not a check up.

It was not a check up.

That was not a check up.

It wasn’t even a fucking doctor. They sent me to a fucking shrink. A therapist. They sent me to a therapist.

This shit ass “doctor”, told me that I am schizophrenic. That’s why my pills stopped working, because I had been diagnosed wrong before. Because schizophrenia usually doesn’t show till late teens, that’s why “I’m just noticing now”. I’m fine. I promise.

I tried. I tried to commit. I couldn’t do it. There was something, or maybe someone telling me to stay here. Maybe it was you.

Something was nagging me, telling me I couldn’t do it. You lost your life, it would be selfish of me to take my own. When you didn’t even have the choice, it just happened.

But, no worries, they say that there is a way you’ll come back. You’re coming home.

I need you home. It’s not home without you anymore. It’s not home.

I don’t have a home. I’ve never had a home.

I don’t belong here.

I don’t belong anywhere.

The world would be better off without me.

The world would definitely better off without me.

I can’t be selfish.

I can’t do it.

I will do it.

But I can’t.

But I could.

But I won’t, not yet.

Maybe not ever.

Whatever I decide, I’m thinking of you.

I’m always thinking of you.

I promise.

Come home.

Before I go insane.

- Jasey