quit-reset-try again {destiel}

the ignition

Cas finished unpacking his stuff and brushed off of his cream pillow. He rearranged the photos on his old, oak bedside table for the 12th time, trying to find a display he liked.

One with him and his brother Gabe having a candy fight, was front and centre, one with him and his entire family, which he tried not to look at. He just kept so people didn't ask questions. There was one photo he kept with him at all times. It was crinkled and faded, with rips in the corners and a torn bottom. He glanced at it with a painful pang in his heart.

It showed him and a stunningly green-eyed boy, himself laughing, and the dirty blonde pressing a kiss to Cas' cheek.

He tucked the photo into his jean pocket and heard a knock at the door. Straightening up, he walked over to the door and swung it open, ready to greet his college roommate, the one he'd live with for over 3 years.

His heart dropped when agate blue eyes met candy apple green.

"Dean?" He breathed.

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Dean shuffled his boot-clad feet and looked down. There was the smallest chance it was a different Castiel Novak, right? Right? Wrong.

As soon as Dean heard the name his, breath had caught and his heart had stopped. The lady at reception had asked if he was okay, and he'd given some half-assed "I miss my family" lie.

He knocked on the door. It swung open and Castiel Novak stood there, a smile on his face.

He had changed.

His already slim frame had toned up, and he had grown a couple of inches, to perfectly reach 6 foot.

There were bags under his eyes, and his cheek, collar, and jaw bones were more prominent than healthy, his porcelain skin practically sees through.

His dark brown, almost black hair was messy as usual, and his breathtakingly blue eyes were wide.

The smile dropped from his porcelain face.

"Dean?"

"Hey my baby boy with the bright blue eyes." Dean tried, lifting his arms as if he was going to hug Cas.

"No." Cas seethed. Dean's half smile quickly dropped from his pale pink lips.

"C'mon Cas, give me that smile that I missed so much."

The cerulean eyed boy's slender hands began shaking.

"Tell me how you been doll, what's going on in your life?' Dean continued, desperately keeping up his arrogant bravado.

Cas snapped.

"No!  You don't get to call me that, you don't get to ask me that! You left me, Dean . You left! I told you everything. I... I trusted you. Dean, do you know how hard that was, how much I trusted you?

I gave you everything. All of it. I put my raw, untainted, uncovered self. And you left me. Left me! With no explanation. I woke up the next morning to an empty bed, and no trace you ever existed.

Do you know what that did to me?! I thought I hallucinated you!

I thought what we had was love. I was dreaming of the apple pie life, with you and me. I thought it was true love. I thought we were going to be happy together. I loved you. Oh god, Dean Winchester I loved you so much.

You broke me Dean Winchester. Hell, you didn't just break me, you shattered me. You ground me into dust and then blew it into the wind. I was just finished putting myself back together and you...... Dean you killed me."