quit-reset-try again {destiel}

the debris

Cas returned to his dorm room much later that night. Debatably the next morning. Twelve oh seven to be exact. The cool night air blew and messed his hair up slightly, reminding him when Gabe kept ruffling up his hair.  He and Gabriel had talked for hours on end, then watched two terrible movies and stuffed themselves with popcorn and sweets.

Actually, Gabe had stuffed himself with sweets, until Cas had taken them away and locked them up. Gabe had then pouted for 1/2 an hour until Cas had relented and handed back the candy.

Gabe threw jellybean's at him for a solid hour after that. They'd made a game out of it, Cas trying to catch them in his mouth. They stopped when Cas had almost died choking on a bean.

Entering the student's hall's of residence, he smiled widely at the memory. No matter what, Gabe could always make him feel better. Always.

He took a deep breath, raised his hand to knock on the door, then faltered. He paced the hallway up and down for a few minutes until he finally, finally worked up enough courage and knocked on the door. There was a muffled crash, a few swear words and then the door opened swiftly.

Dean stood there, with Sam standing behind him. Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Cas beat him to it.

"Hello Sam. It is nice to see you again. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you at my brother's shop. You have grown considerably taller." Cas said, holding his hand out and kindly smiling, blue eyes sparkling.

Dean looked at him, extremely confused for a second until he remembered that Sam was behind him. He mentally slapped himself for being so stupid.

"Hello Cas, it's nice to see you too. I was just leaving. I hope Gabe didn't mind me leaving work early."

"Oh no no, he didn't mind at all. The only thing he was sad about was the fact he couldn't stare at you with an open mouth and heart eyes anymore. I mean he was practically drooling. Whoops, did I say that out loud?" Cas smiled as Sam grinned and blushed.

"Bye Cas! It was nice seeing you!" He waved and slipped by Cas, into the hallway and out the doors. This left Dean and Cas standing in awkward silence. The atmosphere was swirling with unsaid words and hidden gazes. Cas' confident manner immediately fizzled and died, and he reverted to his typical shy and anxious self.

"Can...Can I come in?" Cas stuttered, shuffling his feet and looking down, biting his lip. Dean gulped.

"Yeah, yeah of course! It's your place too!" He stood back and Cas entered, closing the door behind him quietly. Turning around, he took a deep breath and did exactly what Gabe told him not to do.

"Look, we can't change the fact that we have to live together, but Dean, don't talk to me. Don't try and be friends. Don't try to make this okay. It's not. And it probably never will be. Our relationship is not a computer, we can't just try turning it off and again."

Dean took his own deep breath and remembered what Sam had told him

"Cas, I understand that you're pissed beyond belief, and probably really really hurt. But we can't just ignore each other. Look, I won't try and hook up with you, or anything like that, I swear, but will you at least let me explain. Please Cas."

"It's Castiel," Cas growled.

"Right, right of course, of course, I'm sorry. Please let me explain. Please." Dean pleaded. Cas softened.

"Okay." Cas sighed.

"Look, I had to leave. Dad..... dad decided that he wasn't happy with sams desire to become a lawyer, didn't approve for som reason god knows what, so made us leave. But I just couldn't let him do that to Sammy, I couldn't. So I took him and left. You know that was his dream since he was barely walking. All he could think about was studying law, becoming a lawyer.

I didn't want to leave, I swear I didn't, especially because you'd....you'd just told me you loved me, and I didn't have the chance to say it back, but I couldn't break Sammy's heart you know how much I love him. And he's in law school now, studying hard and working even harder!"

Dean's voice wavered and he looked down.

"But why didn't you call? Or text? Or hell, even write a letter? You never explained anything to me Dean. You were just.... gone. I didn't understand. I thought I hallucinated you. You know, to like, I don't know to help me after... dad died...." Cas trailed off, sitting down opposite Dean.

"I swear I would've of, I really would've of, but I didn't want my father hurting you for information on where we'd gone. I couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt. I never wanted you to get hurt." Dean's voice broke.

"And I couldn't afford to write a letter, I had to pay for food, and a crappy little apartment for Sam and me. Dad would've tracked our phones, so I had to ditch them, we didn't have a landline, I couldn't do anything. Castiel I'm so sorry. I really am. I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I was a dick. But, if you do, I'd really like to at least be friends again." Dean continued. Cas looked at Dean, blue eyes wide with understanding and surprise.

"Oh Dean." He sighed softly, shifting so he was beside the green-eyed boy and bought him into a hug. Cas was known for giving really good hugs.

Dean stiffened for a second, not being one for affection, before relaxing into Cas' arms and felt the hug grow tighter. He stayed there for as long as could without it being weird, before pulling away reluctantly. They sat less than a foot away from each other, and their hands lingered a mere millimetre apart. It was as if they were both waiting for someone to make the first move, to take the risk and hope it didn't all go down in flames, and up in smoke, like the last time.

"So is that a yes to the friend's thing?" Dean questioned softly. Cas started from his daydreams and smiled.

"Yes Dean. That's a yes to the friend's thing."

It took all of Cas' will power not to kiss Dean's smile of relief. Dean leaned onto Cas' shoulder and closed his eyes. He was asleep in minutes. Cas watched the green-eyed boy's chest rise and fall with a soft smile on his face. Gently leaning back, he readjusted his position slightly, so he was facing Dean, arms wrapped protectively around him, as he was never gonna let him go.

Oh Cas. What have you gotten yourself into?

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Going to try to reply to all comments, love you all my silver nuggets! Keep fighting my loves