quit-reset-try again {destiel}

the rescue attempt

Cas remained at the door, TARDIS blue eyes locked onto grass green ones.

"Oh. Hello Dean."

"Hey Cas. Can..can we talk?"

"That would most likely be ideal. Please forgive me, I would invite you to come in, but I fear that Gabe would actually turn into a fire-spitting demon." Cas mused, stepping past the threshold and into the cool evening air.

A shiver ran through the blue-eyed boy as his bare feet hit the cold stone. Darting back inside, he slipped his shoes on and came back outside, crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to keep warm.

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Fraught with unspoken words and nerves, the air seemed to crackle with lightning and suppressed energy. A stiff silence filled the space between the two broken boys until Dean finally spoke. Taking a deep breath, the forest eyed boy parted his cupid bows lips and spoke.

"Cas. I am so sorry. I hurt you, god I hurt you so bad you don't even understand how much I regret it.  Cas, I look in your eyes and I'm home. That kiss was the best decision I ever made, and sleeping with Lisa was almost the worst mistake of my life. The worst was hurting you. So many times. I am so bloody sorry, if I could go back in time and punch myself in the face I would. I would stop myself from ever hurting you. I would tell myself to hug you and hold you close.

Please Cas. I miss you so much. I miss the way you care, and never stop caring. I miss the way you smile, and your eyes crinkle up and shine when you're happy beyond belief. I miss the way you run your hands through your hair. I need you. I need your laughter, smile, hugs and kisses. I need your sass, sarcasm, food, you make damn good food, and love. I need the way your eyes go dreamy when you get lost in your fantasies or the way your eyebrows furrow when you concentrate. mean the world- no the galaxy-no the universe,  which is infinite. Please, you have to understand how sorry I am."

Beats of silence passed after Deans speech. The nerves returned, only increased tenfold and the air was still and frozen.

Cas let the words roll around his head, mulling them over. Dean's bright green eyes were shining in earnest and hope, and in all honesty, Cas wanted to grab him and kiss his senseless.

But the part of his brain, the one that had been hurt so much it was a millimetre away from dying, sparked awake and held him back. Taking a deep breath, he parted his chapped lips and spoke in a deep, gravelly voice.

"I want to forgive you. I really do. But Dean, as wonderful and as heartfelt your words are, I simply can't. I can't let myself get hurt again. I'm so afraid of what's going to happen if you hurt me again. I don't think-" Cas' voice broke. "I don't think I'd be able to make it this time."

Those rational words hurt Dean more than any weapon could.

"Cas. Please. I will do anything. Anything to help with you forgiving me. Please, at least come back ho- to the dorm." Dean swallowed back the word he really wanted to say.

He wanted a home with Cas. He wanted a place to go, a place that smelt of coffee and baked goods that Cas made, a place that was filled with pictures of the two them.  A place that was theirs. He wanted Cas, and Cas was home.

Cas watched as Deans eyes unfocus and a small smile dance across his face. 

"Where did you go Dean?" Cas asked. Dean started out of his dream.

"What do you mean?" Dean cocked his head to the side, confusion smudging his perfect face.

"Just now. You spaced out and had a smile on your face. You looked so happy, but god you were so sad. Where were you?"

Dean wrestled with himself, wondering if he wanted to let himself be that vulnerable, that raw. But then it struck him like a slap to the face. Cas had opened himself up and Dean had poured in lemon juice and salt before walking away.

"I was thinking of how much I want a home with you. I want to wake up next to you,  fall asleep next to you, raise a kid with you, grow old with you and die with you. I want you Castiel Novak, you are my home and my heart.  Dean admitted. Cas gasped softly.

"Oh Dean. I want that too." Cas admitted. Dean grinned widely and let out a breath of excitement.

"But I'm afraid. I'm so afraid that you're going to hurt me, I'm so scared I won't make it, I am so bloody scared you'll freeze me in the process of warming up your heart. Cas continued. Dean's smile dropped.

"I know you are Cas, but I will do everything I can, to never let you be afraid again. Please. Come home."

Cas was silent. The air between the two shattered skeletons was frigid. One afraid to let himself hope, and one afraid to let himself be vulnerable.

Thought whirled around Cas' head, screaming themselves at him. Taking a deep breath, Cas did his best to sort through them, weigh the pros and cons, figure out the seemingly simple yet so so complicated situation.     

Minutes passed.

"Okay." Cas finally relented.

Dean laughed with joy and lunged at Cas, wrapping him in a tight hug and picking him off the floor. Cas smiled and wrapped his arms around the leather jacket clad boy. The hug was their way of saying all the things that they couldn't mould into words. Their way of saying all the things they couldn't scrape up the courage to say.

The embrace lasted what felt like an hour. Both boys were so afraid to let go, scared that without the other, they'd fall apart into a thousand bloody pieces. Finally, the tips of Cas' toes brushed the floor and he was jolted back into reality. Unlatching his arms, Dean gently placed the fragile porcelain doll of a boy back onto the floor.

Blushing, Cas looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. Dean swore softly under his breath.

"What?" Cas asked, looking up at Dean with a tilted head and squinting his eyes ever so slightly. Dean swore again.

"What?" Cas asked again, his voice ever so slightly louder.

"It's nothing, Cas. It's just.... it's nothing." Dean reassured, smiling softly down at the curious angel.

"Tell me." Cas pressed.

"I just realized something. Nothing important. C'mon, let's go home." 

Cas brightened at the word home and smiled.

"You brought the Impala?"He asked, stepping off the doorstep and towards the car.

"Of course. That's my baby." Dean chuckled.

The ride home was filled with inside jokes and screaming along to heavy metal. The cars atmosphere was one of happiness and joy, and both boys basked in it.

Dean decided not to mention the letter.

I'll tell him that I know about it later

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Thoughts?  Love to the silver nuggets reading this!