green ⇔ shawn mendes

Crazy

"Was that Mickey I saw this morning?" Karen asked Shawn, as soon as he stepped into the house. Shawn wiped his eyes, "think I don't need a girl to be alright, okay?!" he snapped, before heading to his room.

Shawn felt bad being rude to his mother, but he was really strung out, plus the headache hadn't gone away.

Collapsing onto his bed, he felt too depressed to think of anything to do. "Think I don't need a watch to tell the time, think I don't need the sun to help me shine... I guess I don't know," Shawn said to himself. He thought back to what Lyall said to him, about doing something crazy.

Yet Shawn was down. He was low and couldn't fathom any plan or idea that could possibly allow him another chance. He'd had far too many already and had blown every one. Maybe it was time to give up, move on and try his hardest to do what he thought was the right thing.

Going through the motions, Shawn went about his day. He updated his social medias, strummed the guitar and sat in front of an empty lyric book. Feeling tired, but unable to sleep, Shawn shifted eraser rubbings around his blank page.

"Thought I didn't need a bed to fall asleep, thought I didn't need love to be complete," he mumbled to himself, feeling the weight of the world crashing down on him.

Eventually, he moved off his desk chair and onto his bed, falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The next day he awoke, went to the gym, tried to write another song, practiced his music, called Andrew to prepare for his next event, helped his mother around the house and went to the ice rink with Aaliyah to practice skating.

Exhausting himself, that night he again collapsed into another dreamless sleep.

Two weeks later Shawn basically had a set routine. For fourteen days straight he'd done the same things, simply swapping the people he interacted with. He'd caught up with all his old friends, met fans out in Toronto while he was out rehearsing and had allocated quality family time. He'd eaten well, exercised well and slept well.

Shawn had done everything he thought would've made him feel better. He hung out with his favourite people, had fun with his family, interacted with his fans and spent time with his music. Usually those kinds of weeks would have him feeling over the moon. However, Shawn didn't feel that. He felt, almost, empty.

Assuming he has just been at home too long, Shawn was ready to head out for a month for some recording and promotion bookings.

The morning of his departure his mother stopped him in the kitchen.
"Call everyday Shawn," she told him.

"I always do," Shawn said, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

Karen nodded, giving him a hug. "Enjoy yourself," she said.

On the plane Andrew started quizzing him.

"You okay Shawn?" He asked, "been getting enough sleep?"

"Yep!" Shawn replied, "I'm feeling great."

Andrew nodded, looking skeptical, but shifted the conversation onto the outline for the next couple of weeks.

Shawn tried to pay attention but found his mind drifting, drifting into a nothingness trance where he just kinda was and nothing hurt.

"And then... Shawn? Shawn!" Andrew snapped Shawn back into reality.

"Were you listening to me?" He asked, staring at Shawn.