One Direction Preferences

Sadness

HARRY:

Sadness is... when I look into the mirror every morning and I can't bring myself to believe it. Why? Believe what? You're asking... because she's dead and I let it happen The only person who I truly loved and cared about dead because I'm a self centered jerk. I didn't noticed anything because I was too caught up with myself to pay attention to her. I didn't deserve her, I never did. And the fact she put up with all my stupid 'hater fans' for so long. I just, everything is all my fault, and I can't do this anymore. I look like shit, I haven't slept in days. I haven't eaten, I can't. everything is just too much. Maybe if my career wasn't such a big deal to me, I could have done something but no. I'm just too dumb. She killed herself, and I should have been there for her, but I wasn't and I never was. And I wish I could tell her how sorry I was, for everything. Because for all she's done for me I have never returned the favor. I just wish I had, maybe even just once. that's what sadness is.

LOUIS:

Why am I such a fuck up? I sit alone asking my self every night, usually with a few empty beer bottles on my night stand, blurry vision and a pounding headache when I wake up. All this trying I drown out the pain, sadness. But nothing ever works, I can never forget what I did to her. She loved me, so so much. But I'm an ass, and ruined everything. We could have had everything. Life would be perfect, running around with a few kids, a big house, maybe a dog. That's when the tears hit, I tried to stop sobbing but it was uncontrollable. Why would I do that? Oh yea because I didn't realize what I had was perfect, she was perfect. Everything about her was just stunningly perfect, breath taking. I take another drink from one o the many bottles and lie on my back. I will myself to forget everything, and sometimes when I come home I want to imagine her sitting on the couch, getting up to greet me happily no matter how late it is or what state I'm in. I fucked up, she was too good for me. I just hope to god she's happy.

NIALL:

When I come home from work and wrap my arms around her tiny frame, and see her looking up and smiling at me, I can see the sadness in her eyes, that lies underneath with the other things I will never know.

When we go to bed, I hear her quietly sobbing into her pillow.

I find the blood stained towels in the laundry.

I open the cabinet and see all the pills.

I hear her silent screams, I jut don't listen to them.

I'm standing here, and just now realizing she was never as happy as I am. Im here, living the dream. Everything you could ever ask for, I was having the time of my life.

Her... not so much. I think about everything she's ever told me, the memories she's experienced and can't ever forget, all the traumatizing experiences. I cringe at the thought of ever being in her shoes. But I want to, just for one day. I've never been as unhappy as her, ever. An I want to giver her a day to be me. So she can be happy. Ill live her day of taking pills an tearing open my wrists and crying myself to sleep so she can live happily for jut one day. Running around carefree, having the world in your hand. Just being 100% happy. If only that were possible. But I have to go through the pain I watching her everyday just suffering to live. I have to witness all her sadness, and I love her for being so strong through it all. And never giving up. But watching her, I don't think I'll ever know the true definition of sadness, because I thought I knew sadness... until I looked into her eyes.

ZAYN:

What am I doing? I ask myself, for the 9th time that day. No not I forgot what I was doing. I mean, I don't know what I'm suppose to do with my life. I sit around everyday, smoking and drinking. I try to stop but I can't stop thinking about her. Everything brings back the memories. I've been paying her phone bill for 9 months. Why 9 months? That was the accident, when I got a call at 3:56am telling me she was in the hospital, you don't even know how fast I got there. But when I got there, and heard. I wish I had taken my time, those maybe 3 less minutes of suffering would have been amazing. I call her phone every night just to hear her voice, I don't know why I keep doing this I need to forget but she was such a huge part of my life. Whenever I want to forget I think about the engagement ring sitting in my sock drawer, and I can't. I was so close to spending the rest if my life with her. but now I never will, and there's no one I'd rather be with than her.

LIAM:

I remember the last time we spoke like it happened only minutes ago, but it's been... months.

"Can't you see, how sad I am knowing you're going to leave. Knowing this for months and just knowing that you're going to be gone for however long. You know, Im alone for months. I can't do anything without you. Can't you look into my eyes and just know the sadness is over powering me? Because you're about to leave for over half a year and were fighting. This isn't the right way to say goodbye to someone Liam. I hope you're happy with yourself."

That's what she said. And then she walked away from me, she was crying and I was being a dick. I rember thinking, she's over reacting, its just a fight. Im here, alone in my bunk realizing now that I didn't even say goodbye. I didn't run after her and kiss her, I know she would have loved that. I didn't even text her a long sappy message. No, I didn't. I thought I was being the winner. I wish, I could have just done it. Was it so hard to be the bigger person and say goodbye. Im fucking stupid. But I'm just here overcome by the sadness I did see in her eyes, and I don't want to wait to talk to her again. I want to wrap her in my arms and hug her really tight, I want to kiss her passionately a billion times, just so she knows how I can't get enough of her and I want to cuddle so she gets a glimpse of how much I lover her. And in the bedroom shell know just how much I missed her.

____________________

Don't ask if I'm okay if you don't even give a shit about me. I know a lot if people could care less about me.

Maybe I'm just a stubborn bitch, like he says I am. Maybe he's lying, when he says it wasn't him. Maybe he doesn't really want To be friends but wants to keep hurting me till I crack. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe he's right....

Why does life suck?

Just a cut

Just a scratch

"What's that mark?"

"Just the cat"

Just an excuse

Just another lie

"What's with all the bracelets?"

"Just fashion, why?"

Just a tear

Just a scream

"Why were you crying?"

"Just a bad dream"

But it's not jut a cut

Or a tear or a lie

It's always 'just one more'

Until you die

Ignore the bad poetry. Did you like the pref? idk why, just thought I'd ask..

Haha yay it's 5am lol