Ocean of Thoughts

My Biggest Fear

Losing my mom. I am so terrified of losing her. I spend every second I can with her. She's all I've ever had, and I don't want to lose that. I don't think I'd be able to live without her.

She's made me stronger. She's made me smile. She's cooked for me when I'm sick, even though she's sick too. She still lets me sleep with her when I've had nightmares. I don't know what I'd do without her.

She's the most independent woman I know. She's the strongest. The smartest. The bravest.

She's everything I'm not. When I lost my dad. I lost someone who was supposed to love me.

Now any guy who calls me beautiful, I lean on them. Because my dad was supposed to call me beautiful and love me. But he didn't. So when any guy calls me beautiful, I lean on them. Because no boy has really ever called me that.

I keep trying to fill this void with a guy. Any guy. And it'll never work. Ever.

So I haven't dated for two years. What's the point. Most of these guys are all over the place. Cheating. Drinking. Smoking. Partying.

I'm not into those guys. I like guys who make straight A's. read books. care. won't cheat. will show me love. tell me I'm stupid sometimes. but over all that, Love Me.

NO I DON'T WANT TO DATE YOU, DON'T ASK.