Accidental Intentions

43 • Help

"How are you feeling now?"

Shiro had brought him to his bathroom (which Keith noticed was considerably larger than his own) and sat him down on the edge of the tub. Keith accepted the glass of water Shiro had offered and drank it quietly while the Black Paladin had removed his shoes in the adjoining bedroom.

"Okay," he answered shakily. He was still feeling the aftershocks of his impulsive decision to come out to the senior officer, and although Shiro didn't seemed fazed, Keith's body was still recovering.

"It's gonna be okay" Shiro said kindly.

Keith nodded as he gripped the edge of the tub (which he noticed was suspiciously large for one person). "I've wanted to tell you for...a long time."

"Why didn't you?"

Keith shrugged. "Dunno."

That was a lie. The truth was, he was afraid. He looked up to Shiro and craved his respect. However, Shiro had a tendency to see things in black and white, where everything had it's assigned place. Keith wasn't sure where he fell into place in that world. Losing the senior officer's respect had to be among Keith's greatest fears. He still wasn't exactly sure where he stood with Shiro now, if the Black Paladin saw him any differently. Yeah, Shiro said it didn't change anything, but at the same time it changed everything.

"Have you told anyone?"

"No."

Shiro laid a hand on his head and mussed his hair. "Oh Keith. You mean to tell me you've been dealing with all this on your own?"

"I've never needed anyone else but you," Keith announced stubbornly. It was childish and he knew it. Enough so that he dropped his eyes when Shiro gave him that look. It was an old wound that had never really healed. But bringing it up now wasn't fair.

"Keith..." Shiro looked like he might pursue the issue, but changed the subject, "So Lance."

"I hate him," he said without much passion.

"You don't. You hate yourself for liking him."

Only Shiro could simplify the maelstrom of emotions he felt in a single sentence. But more than that was the weight of Shiro's words. Lance wasn't the problem. Sure, he might have problems with the guy but that wasn't the core issue. The issue was he let himself feel something for Lance. "You're...actually really kinda right."

"It happens to the best of us every now and again," he explained modestly. "But seriously, how are you?"

Keith gathered what Shiro was asking.

"I mean, I train a lot. It helps," he shrugged.

"I've noticed you've been packing on a lot of muscle," Shiro said as Keith's chest swelled with pride. "But it's not good to push your body too hard."

"Why? It makes me stronger."

"Balance. Moderation. Might want to look those up in the dictionary sometime," Shiro teased as he looked at him fondly.

Keith frowned.

Shiro sat beside him. "Look what I'm trying to say is you have to take care of your mind too. You may think you're dealing with it, but you're just ignoring the problem. Find a way to intellectually and emotionally come to terms with it."

Keith was amazed. Not at what he said, but at what he did. Not twenty minutes ago Keith came out to a confused Shiro. Now, without missing a beat, Shiro was helping him navigate a whole new world. Like, the fact that he was gay just wasn't a big deal. All Shiro really cared about was making sure he was okay. And that was sorta amazing.

"How?"

Shiro chuckled nervously. "That's the question, really. Everybody finds what works for them. Some people create beautiful art and music as a result of dealing with emotional issues. Others read and explore their feelings safely through the lives of fictional characters. And then, sadly there's some who find comfort in substances and self-medicate that way. It's important to remember that everybody is doing the best they are able."

"Of course," Shiro continued after a pause, "You could always find someone else."

"Not that many boys in space," Keith commented, causing Shiro to laugh outright. The infectious sound made Keith crack a small grin on one side.

"No, not many human ones anyway," Shiro chuckled. "How are you feeling now?"

"Mmm, better," Keith looked up at Shiro as the Black Paladin stood. He could not get over how fortunate he was.

"Good. Now go clean my shoes."