Accidental Intentions

46 • Sorry

Keith flopped on the bed with a sigh.

He had just finished cleaning the boots he had puked on. Since his stomach had not yet settled down, the task involved a lot of gagging. He might have puked in Shiro's toilet a little more after the Black Paladin left.

He grabbed a pillow to hug it to himself as the previous conversation replayed in his head.

"I'm gonna go now, okay?" Shiro had said as he stood to take his leave.

"Where are you going?" Keith hoped he didn't look as desperate as he sounded.

Shiro was silent. Keith recognized this as Shiro not wanting to tell him, because he knew Keith wouldn't like it. But he knew Shiro wouldn't lie to his face.

"Shiro? Where are you going?" Keith tried to keep the edge of panic out of his voice.

"Lance."

"No, it will only make things worse. Just please don't!"

Shiro was clearly upset. "I can't have him doing things like that! Look at what it's doing to you! And I'm not just talking about the right arm of Voltron. I'm concerned for you as!"

"It was me!" Keith shouted before he realized what he had done.

"What?"

Keith had lowered his eyes as he whispered. "In the hallway. What you saw. That. That was me."

Shiro took a seat beside him, staring at the floor. "So you just...walked up and--"

"No! He was teasing me, trying to get a rise out of me! And I should have just walked away but, I don't know, I was just so tired of it all, I tried to one-up him so he wouldn't think it's funny anymore, so I did that and -- ugh! The idiot was supposed to pull away! "

"Keith..." Shiro sympathized.

"And it's not the first time either!" Keith blurted.

Oh fuck.

"What?"

"Ah," Keith scrambled, trying to gather his thoughts. "After his concussion, I felt bad and wanted to make sure he was okay but then we started fighting and then I don't even know how it happened!"

Shiro closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What does Lance think of all this?" Shiro asked, finally breaking the long pause that followed.

"Dunno. We don't really talk."

"It seems Lance might have some secrets of his own then."

"Please don't tell him about...you know," Keith pleaded.

"I'm not going to out you, Keith," Shiro assured him. "If that's something you want to do someday then it should be on your terms."

"And don't tell him I told you about the other stuff either. Promise?"

"Cross my heart," the Black Paladin promised with a reassuring smile before taking his leave.

Everything was a mess. This was not how he'd envisioned this day going. But here it was. Going.

However, unsettled as his stomach was, it was as if a great weight he had been carrying around was lessened. He had someone to share his secret with. At the very least, in that respect he felt better. Like vines wrapped around his chest had been loosened. It felt funny, weightless. Maybe that was just his stomach coming back up.

But now what? From now on Shiro would be scrutinizing all his interactions with Lance. Lance would get a scolding from Shiro and probably start avoiding him. Not that that would be awful, but the others would notice that there was something weird going on. Keith shrank from the thought of more eyes on him. And then what would Lance think of him having Shiro fight his battles? Not that he cared whether Lance respected him or not. He really didn't. Well, maybe a little bit.

A hesitant knock on the door roused him out of his thoughts.

He didn't bother to get up. Shiro could let himself in. It was his room after all.

But Shiro knocked again, this time more confidently.

Did he forget his keys? Keith wondered as he sat up.

The knocking continued in rhythmic patterns as he made his way to the door to open it.

Looking back, Keith should have known better. But much like the day, Keith was a mess. And so he found himself face to face with the last person he wanted to see right now: Lance.

Keith was very aware how he looked right at this moment. Eyes shiny and red, flushed face and tomato nose with tear stains flowing down his cheeks, hair a mess, and he could swear at that moment that there was a small crust at the corner of his mouth reminiscent of last night's dinner. Embarrassment swelled within his stomach.

"Hey," Lance began tentatively.

Keith didn't bother responding. The embarrassment had turned into something else entirely. He bolted to the bathroom and barely managed to get down on his knees before everything came back up again.

Smooth, Keith, smooth.

"Dude, you okay?" Lance walked in, concerned as he took in the scene.

"Obviously," Keith spat out before a new wave had him clutching the toilet bowl.

"Shit."

Keith wanted to reply that it would only be shit if it came out the other end like normal, but was a little too preoccupied trying to keep his intestines in. Exhausted, he laid his cheek on the toilet seat, facing away from Lance.

"Your hair..."

Keith felt his dark hair being pulled out of his face. "Leave it," he hissed through gritted teeth.

But Lance had already finished tying it back.

"Need anything?"

"Yeah, can you leave?" Keith said slightly harsher than he had meant. "Puking for an audience is not cool."

"Well, 'pparently I puked on you, which if you ask me is way uncooler."

Keith groaned.

"And since we're on the subject of uncool, I--"

"Okay just cut the crap! What the hell did Shiro tell you!?" Keith exploded.

"He implied that I was being an ass. Which I totally was. Am," he added after a beat.

"Look, man, I've been a jerk to you and that's not okay. Especially given the circumstances, defending the known universe and whatnot. I'm really sorry, Keith. And I just wanted you to know that I'll stop bothering you."

Lance waited a moment for Keith to reply. But Keith was wrapped up in his own tangle of thoughts, analyzing every word Lance said trying to figure out how much Shiro had let on.

Eventually Lance offered a sad smile and retreated out the door. "See ya, space cowboy."