Deeper (5SOS Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Chapter 12

Ashton’s POV:  

The room gets dark, the only light being the almost full moon outside her bedroom window. I pull her covers over my shoulder & lay on my side, facing her. She does the same. The light reflects off of her chocolate eyes, making them shimmer & sparkle unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. She scoots in closer to me & rests her head against my chest. Dipping my face, I put my lips to the crown of her head. I kiss it lightly & keep my face there, inhaling her scent & humming into her hair.  

Her tiny legs find their way to mine, entangling them in a maze of fabric & skin. I feel her hand drawing shapes into my chest & I close my eyes. Right here. Right now. This is why I stayed alive. This is why I never gave in completely to the idea of death. So that I could be here today, with the girl of my dreams, having the time of my life. I’ve never felt so much joy, happiness, & relief in so few amount of hours.  

Lily Harlamert saved me.  

I guess I’m smiling because she laughs lightly.  

“What are you thinking about?” she asks softly, her voice feeling like the first warm day of spring being so close to me. Looking down at her small frame, I see those eyes again, big like a doe’s. I smile bigger & whisper back.  

“Today.” she positions herself so that she’s at my eye level, propped up on one elbow.  

“What about today?”  

“Everything.” I could say so much more, about how happy she’s made me, but it’d take me days to explain it all. Best to keep it simple.  

“I hope they were good things,” she mumbles, smiling cheekily. I return the grin & run my fingertips over her soft hair.  

“The only things that happened today were good things,” I respond. She nods her head in agreement. But, the hesitation on her face shows otherwise. She wants to say something else, but for some reason she’s holding back. I want her to tell me. I don’t rush her, but only keep petting her head. After a while of silence, she speaks.  

“Ash, whats Monday gonna be like?”  

This question makes me stop, chilling me to the bone. My hand stops smoothing her hair. What is Monday going to be like? Are we going to go back to just being project partners? Or something more? I know all too well that people will talk, joke, make fun. I don’t want the extra attention. I can’t have the extra attention.  

She sees me stop, & huffs out stressfully. I want to tell her so bad that everything’s going to be okay, but I don’t think I can lie to her like that. So, I give her the truth.  

“People are gonna talk Lil…” I try. She tightens her jaw & squints her eyes.  

“You don’t think I know that?” she adds, her signature poison coming back off of her tongue. My heart speeds up a bit. Shit.  

“Yes but… Do you really want all that attention?”  

"If it means being with you, yes.” She responds immediately, obviously not pleased. I run my hand through my hair & sigh. Am I really ready to give myself to this girl? Do I love her enough to go through all the hell I know our togetherness is going to bring to the both of us? I try to form my words carefully, but she cuts me off.  

“If I feel strongly towards you & you feel strongly towards me, you shouldn’t care what people have to say. You should only care about us.” she finishes, straining the ‘us’. Her tone of voice is that of agony, despair. It’s not until now that I completely realize that she feels the same way I do. That she can’t stand the idea of not being with me. My heart pours open, unveiling all of the truths I’ve been hiding from myself. Someone actually cares for me.  

Before I can think, my words fall out all at once.  

“Lily, will you be my girlfriend?”  

Lily’s POV:  

My heart skips a beat. I’d completely forgotten that we weren’t even technically a couple yet. I find myself smiling bigger than I ever imagined. He smiles back & I dig my face into his chest, giggling happily. Ashton wraps his big arms around me, enveloping me in a hug that feels more like a big, cozy blanket.  

"Well? Is that a yes?” he jokes, only making me laugh more. I’m so giddy & happy at this point, all I can do is quickly nod my head into his tshirt. I never would have expected myself to be with a guy like him, but here we are, in my bed at 10:30pm, cuddling & laughing together. I pull away to look at him, & what I find is a beautiful smile accompanied by playful & cheery eyes. They swim with forest green & brown mixtures, morphing together & sparkling. I’m so in awe that I don’t even feel him leaning into me until his nose brushes mine.  

He hovers over my lips for a split second & I take in the moment. Quick hot breaths. Fingertips lightly stroking my cheek. My hands gripping his shirt ever so slightly. I dig this memory deep into my brain, never wanting to forget the moment I truly realized I’d found someone who made me feel worth while.   Plump lips connect with mine, softly moving with my own. My eyes flutter shut. He’s so delicate, like I might crumble to pieces if he kisses me any harder. Large hands lay respectfully on the small of my back, thumbs drawing little shapes into the fabric covering my skin. I scoot myself to him, wanting to be as close as possible to this boy.  

We continue on, neither of us wanting to be anywhere in the world but here. He’s still gentle as ever, & I wouldn’t ask for it any other way. This is how relationships are supposed to be like, right? Sweet, innocent, caring. People tend to forget that being with someone doesn’t mean just sex & making out. Sometimes it just means gentle touches & hand holding. Sometimes it just means having someone there when you need them.  

He breaks away after a while, looking tired & beat down. Not until now do I realize my own eyelids are getting heavy & weary. He gives me one last kiss to the forehead before closing his eyes.  

“Goodnight Lily.” I smile. This moment is perfect.  

“Goodnight Ashton.”