Chasing After Her

Chapter 41

"Head over heels for me,Said you're like a pill to me He rob and he steal for me,Said it was more than just sex to me,You're better than ecstasy,Just wanna be next to me,Cause i got that bomb,I got that bomb bomb bomb,I got that bomb,I got that dope that heroine,I got that bomb,I got that bomb bomb bomb,I got that bomb, boy are you sure you want some,I might just ruin your life.....cause I got that bomb bomb,I don't wanna ruin your life....I got that bomb bomb,I might just ruin your life ......I got that bomb bomb,I might just ruin your life in one night, baby"
  
     Toni Romitit-I Got That Bomb

Have I done the right thing? Have I made the right decision?

Those words have been swirling around in my head all day.I don't know what to do or think anymore I'm all out of options.Every time something gets to hard for me to handle,I always end up running away and not solving the problem.But running is all I know.After coming back home I turned on my cellphone,and I had a bunch of missed calls,texts and voicemails from Michael and Alex and those were so pretty.

Come to think of it none of them were pretty,let's just say they had a lot of foul and I mean foul words in them.But none that I haven't heard before.And the worse part is that they are already on there way back here......and that is not good at all.....because I know that I am in a world of trouble with those two and with what the messages and voice messages they left on my phone.I know that my punishment will be far away from anything suitable and those are their words not mine.

Rushing around my apartment,I search for my colleague number.And tell her that I am back early from trip and that I can take my patients and that way Alex or Michael won't embarrass me at my job,I take a quick look at my watch and see that it's 11:00 am! Good I still have good time,because the twins won't be back until almost 9:00 pm so I have a good few hours before they come.

I call my colleague and tell her that I am back and that I can start seeing my patients today.And she tells me that is great because she has a doctor appointment today,and that a patient that I am seeing today is David,and he's been my patient for over 2 years now and he has a little of PTSD and that is from the abuse he suffered from his step-mother.....when he was about 3 to 9 years old.

And from then on David hasn't really been that good around women at all when he gets around then he kind of shut down and went into a deep shell.....so you can imagine how long it took to get him to really open up to me and get us to seeing me twice a week.And my colleague(Amanda) tells me that while I was gone David had trouble opening up to her and he really didn't talk as much with her as he does with me.....but that's ok because we are still working on that....and it make take some time but hey we all have time.

Pulling up to my office building I grab all of the things that I need for today sessions,I hastily make my way up to the office and when I turn around I see David walking up towards me.......fuck I was running a little late.

"David!Hi,how have you been?.....Amanda tells me that you had a hard time opening up to her?" I greet him while gesturing for him to take a seat

"Ummm.....hi.....yeah I'm doing ok......I mean I've been doing better......and yes......it......was......well it was kind of hard.......talking to Amanda........because since I've been use to you for the past 2 years.....it was just kind of weird just coming in one day and seeing someone else........especially another woman" he says back to me

"I know,I know and I'm sorry about that,I just wanted to take a vacation but it didn't last long so now I'm back" I explain to him

"Well that's good because I something good to tell you about last week.......well I went to go see my step-mother in the nursing home and I told her that I forgave her......and I know that to her she might have not really cared........but to me it meant something......that I was letting what she did to me when I was little......I let all the pain and hurt go away and I forgave her" he tells me with tears forming in his eyes

Man,he has more guts than me,he can forgive a woman who abused him basically his whole life and I can't even forgive my mother or sister for what they have done to me and I didn't even go through have the shit that he went through.

"Can I ask you a question?" He nods his head yes

"What would you have done if she had said anything back,like meaning what if she said she didn't if you forgave her or not? What would you have done or felt at that moment?" I ask

"I don't know........I probably would have just ignore her........because I feel that I am becoming a new person and getting out of my shell......and just listening to her would have put me back into my childhood memories and what I went through"

"Can I just say that I am so proud of you,for forgiving your step-mother and not letting what happened to you as a child hold you back anymore and that takes a lot of courage and will power and you had all of that and you still do,you just have to always remember that you control your future nobody else does and don't let what happened to you as a child hold you back from your future"

"Thank you that means a lot to me" he says back

"No problem,now right now I want you to take this piece of paper and pen and write me down 10 reasons as to how you have changed and on the back of the paper I want you to write 10 more reasons about why either that you still need some growth or why you feel that you still need some help in changing" with that he take the paper and pen and beings to write