Choosing Mr. Destiny (boyxboy) [To Be Edited]

"Chapter 13" ✔️

Picture of Ash's bedroom ^^^ 😍🙊

Another revisioned update for you all. Hope you enjoy.

 

Ashley's POV

One month. It's been that long since that traumatic night, and I've been nothing but a complete mess. I thought I could just move on after what happened, but I was wrong. Very wrong. It really didn't occur to me that I would change this drastically, but I did. After just a month, I turned to someone that I, myself, can't even recognize.

I shut everybody out and I can't help it.

I'm scared and scarred, for life.

I didn't know if I'll ever be the same Ash again. But for the past weeks, I tried to handle myself accordingly. Taught myself that it was all in the past, and that I should move on. But somehow, my brain won't listen to my own words. I would always be frightened even when I'm around my family and friends. I know they won't hurt me but for some reason, I still am scared. I no longer trust anyone. And if I did, it would take a while to gain that trust.

I didn't want to be like this. No one does. No matter how many times I tell myself to just get over it, I still couldn't. Those horrible moments are now imbedded inside my mind and it will reside there till my very last breath.

Even up till now, I keep convincing myself I wasn't raped. That it was just an attempt. But I also knew it did happen. That I was taken and held down against my will. But I still refused to believe it all. I keep telling myself day by day that it was just a nightmare, even though it wasn't. The lies I told myself caused me to build my own reality as I tried to forget the past. I tried to make myself believe that what happened to me was nothing but a stupid nightmare. But it was all nonsense. I know everything I told myself was utter nonsense.

I can never change what happened. I can never turn back time to prevent myself from being in that situation.

Whatever Jacob has done to me, did a lot of damage. Not just physically, nor mentally, but how I view life. I changed. Not for the better, but for worse.

I lost confidence in myself. I lost the courage to face my everyday life with optimism. I completely changed. In just a course of a month, I completely changed to a person, I, myself know nothing about.

I feel helpless, hopeless, and just utterly incapable. I simply gave up in trying to better myself after what had happened.
I still feel dirty and I don't know how I will be able to face anyone without them thinking the same thing. It's been a whole freaking month I kept my mouth shut even with them constantly bugging me what was wrong. I was scared they will see me differently if I tell them. And I was also terrified that they won't believe a word I say.

That's why I decided to keep my mouth shut and never ever mentioned anything about what happened to any living soul. Not to my friends, my best friend, even to my own family.

Right after I came home, thanks to Jessy and Mat, I immediately went inside the house. Not even feeling anything. Just loneliness and emptiness. I know right after everything have happened, my whole personality had changed. I wasn't the same Ash that everyone knew. I was different.

I was scared towards anyone.

I couldn't keep eye contact with anyone longer than 2 seconds without visibly shaking. I would flinch when someone dares to touch me. And I would easily freak out when I sense that there's someone staring at me. After that horrible night, I completely lost my appetite to eat, the will to smile, and the strenght to continue living.

Right after I entered the house, I know I had to keep my mouth shut. That I have to keep it all to myself and to never trust anyone ever again. I don't want to tell anyone, even my family about what almost happened to me; what happened to me. I don't want Jacob to go to jail, even when that's all that he deserves for what he did to me, I just can't. I do want to see him rot behind bars but if it means getting to see him once again in the process makes me cower away.