Crybaby

Burnt out

Tw: Suicide mentions

Everything goes blurry.
Everything hurts.
Everything is rushing fast and it feels awful.

And then she wakes up.

She is on the cold white bathroom floor where she passed out last night.

There is vomit nearby.

She is almost too weak, but she pulls herself into a sitting position and stares shakily at her reflection in the mirror. Her Mascara stained cheeks make her shudder.
She doesn't know how to feel.
The bag of pills that was once on the counter is now on the floor, half full.
They are scattered.
Her stomach churns.
That's when she hears the phone ring.
She doesn't answer.
She leans back against the wall, pulls her knees to her chest, and closes her eyes.
Everything hurts.
When Electra tipped a handful of those blue pills past her lips last night, she didn't actually have it in her heart to end her life. She didn't really want to.
That is the difference between them.

Crybaby wakes up before eight on that Sunday morning, sunlight creeping through a tiny gap between her curtains.
She sits up and stretches, she only got around 4 hours of sleep last night.
The first thing pop into her head is Johnny.
And then everyone else.
It feels like too much.
Way too much.
She falls back against her pillow, not ready to face the world yet.

Johnny has a black eye and a body that's more than a little battered. He wakes up in his own bed, somehow. He barely remembers getting home.
He cries.

Jacob didn't sleep.

Connor is pacing.

Troye is sure that something is wrong.
Brendon is too.
He was supposed to be invited over by Electra last night to help her, but she never called.

He calls Troye.
"Hello?" Troye picks it up and starts with a shaky voice.
He is still paranoid from being beaten up.
"Hi. I'm worried about Electra, could you please check on her? She hasn't answered my calls and you live close."
Brendon cuts straight to the point, sounding strained but trying to hide it. When did this girl start mattering to him so much?
Troye sits up in bed. "Of course. I'll be right over there and I'll call you when I get back." He says this quickly and hangs up, jumping out of bed and stumbling into his bathroom. A few minutes later he is jogging up the street, looking around often, and then to Electra's door. It's unlocked, but he knocks anyway. She doesn't answer and so he tentatively steps inside.
It's quiet.
He walks quietly up the stairs and peeks into Electra's room.
It's dark and empty.
The bathroom door has a light on, but it's only ajar so he can't see inside.
He nervously grabs the knob and pulls it open, flooding the room with light.
The scent makes him step back.
Troye sees Electra, staring up at him sadly from the floor, sniffling. The look that passes over Troyes face is crushing.
He glances around and then sees the scattered pills. The realization hits him and his expression drops much more. He tries to stay calm as he walks forward, silently, and begins picking up the pills, placing them in the bag, and then looking through her cabinet.. he finds one other pill bottle. Sleeping pills.
Without looking up he dumps them all into the toilet and flushes.

Later that morning, after Troye has cleaned everything up and brought Electra to her bed, she asks him to go home.
He refuses.
"I'm not leaving you alone." He says firmly, sadly.
"You don't need to babysit me. I'm fine." She shoots back, but the look he gives her keeps her quiet.
He looks like he might cry.
After a while Troye walks over to her phone and dials Brendon's number.
He whispers a few things into the receiver that she can't hear, glancing up at her every once and a while, before hanging up.
Around ten minutes later the doorbell rings and Troye runs to open it, leading Brendon up.
Brendon looks like he just sprinted ten miles, but as soon as he sees Electra he falls apart, asking her why she would try to kill herself and how he could let it happen.
He cries for the first time in a while.
He won't let go of Electra.
Troye grabs his jacket and slips out.
His mind is reeling on his walk home.
Electra could've died. Troye trips over a crack in the pavement and suddenly he is on the ground, wincing. He stands up and stumbles home.

Troye is scared. He had to act strong for Electra, and now he has to tell Crybaby and Lana what happened. He doesn't have the strength left. But he marches on.

When Crybaby pick up the phone, she knows something is wrong.
"Crybaby... it's Electra.... She tried to..." he cant say it, his stomach churns and he squeezes his eyes shut to keep from crying.
Crybaby feels every other feeling melt away. She is left with a dark knot in her stomach.
"She did? I have to go." She says quickly.
All she hears is a "No, wait!" Before she slams the phone down and bursts into  tears, tearing herself up over the fact that she didn't help her.
Then she hears a knock on her door. Since she is home alone, she runs down the steps and peeks cautiously through the peephole.
Johnny is there.
She immediately opens the door and is about to hug him, before she takes a good look at him. She steps back as more sobs wreck her body, looking at his bruises and cuts.
They got to him.
He steps towards her cautiously, on the verge of tears himself, shutting the door gently behind him.
He finally manages to grab her hand, and lead her up the stairs where he assumes her room is.
All of the doors have dents and scratches. This alarms him, but he has more important matters to attend to. He reaches for the first door handle, but Crybaby stops him and leads him to the last door, pulling them both inside. They sit on Crybaby's bed and he holds her until she stops sobbing.
He winces every once and a while when she brushes against one of his injuries.
Finally she utters the first words spoken in half an hour:
"Everything is my fault."
Johnny is shocked by the statement she says nothing for a moment.
Then,
"Crybaby, look at me. Nothing they did to me is your fault. You didn't want this for me but it's ok now, I can finally be happy with you and your friends and it'll be ok."
She nods and sniffles a little, leaning on his chest.
"Th-there is one thing that is my fault, though." She looks up at Johnny with freshly watering eyes.
"Electra tried to kill herself. I d-didn't check on her like I usually do, I let her isolate herself."
She clings desperately to him, and all he can do is let her because he doesn't know what to say.
This girl is fucked up, and she doesn't deserve it.

Lana is crushed, more crushed than anyone.
There could be pages and pages, books even, written about why.
But I'll just keep it quick.
As soon as she hears the news, she goes to Electra's side. She stays there for a long time.

The next day at school will change things even more that they already have been changed,
But somehow,
They will survive.

As a man steps up to a microphone in the light and chatty auditorium, and straightens out his papers, a photo of a blonde girl is projected onto a screen.
"On Saturday night, Kayla Anderson committed suicide."