Issues

Matter

Alison's POV

Emily's in the other room ordering dinner, so I take this opportunity to check out her apartment. It's not what I would expect a world renowned model's apartment to look like. It's located on the top floor in this older looking brick building. Much of the wall detail inside also has brick. The overall design and accents are quiet cozy with a country, rustic feel. To be honest, I was expecting a more modern feel in a nicer apartment complex located in a wealthier part of town. Once again, Emily keeps me on my toes. She's not what I expected and that's part of what I find to be so appealing about her. Emily is so kind, thoughtful, patient with her fans, mysterious, and honestly quite complex and complicated.

There have been a couple of times in Central Park and on our date today when I've really wanted her to kiss me. I can tell she noticed and really wanted to kiss me. But... she stops herself and I'm not exactly sure why. Is she teasing me? Does she want to take things slowly? Is she trying to figure out if she really likes me? There are so many questions that I have for Emily that I don't really even know where to begin too. Some of these questions aren't going to be easy to talk about either. But if I want to see where this goes and potentially foster a lasting relationship, these things need to be discussed. The healthy, confident side of me knows this needs to happen. The guarded, insecure, scared part of me also knows that she'll expect the same from me. I don't know if I am ready to expose myself like that. So much has happened to me that it's difficult to let anyone else in. My heart wants to let her in though. My heart just has to override the cautious voices in my head.

"What has you so pensive?" asks Emily from across the room.

"Oh just some stuff. Emily, can we talk?" I say with a serious tone.

A look of worry overcomes her face and she plops herself next to me on the couch. "Alison, what's wrong?" she says nervously.

Taking a deep breath, I say, "I've just been doing a lot of thinking. And well, I have questions for you. I also feel like I need to be more honest with you".

Emily grabs my hand, encouraging me to continue.

"I'm just going to be honest with you and tell you that the night I came home from Central Park, my curiosity got the best of me. I Googled you to learn a little more about your work and more about you as a person. I have to admit that I read nothing but article after article of things that weren't so flattering about you. There were pictures and videos too. You were either really drunk or angry and you were all over slutty looking girls".

Emily's face turns red with anger and she pulls away from me. "Well if you're just going to sit here and judge me for my past behavior and be self righteous about it, then you can just leave" says Emily in an ever increasing angry tone.

I reach out for her hand but she pulls away even further and gets up from the couch saying, "No! Don't touch me!" I can see her walls building up inside her.

"Emily, please sit. Let me finish what I have to say. Don't get angry. Please" I say hoping she'll calm down and hear me out. Thankfully she sits back down.

"What I'm trying to say is, I know the media can't possibly tell the whole story. There's a reason you behaved like that. I guess I'm just confused. Because clearly I don't look like those girls. I'm not skinny, wear revealing clothes, or throw myself at you. Am I just another conquest to you? A challenge from the usual type of girl you go after?"

Emily gets up again with an angry look on her face. Yelling now, she says, "See. There you go again sounding judgy and making assumptions about me when you have no idea who I am or what I've been through!"

I'm feeling a little angry and hurt at the sound of her voice and the anger that she's showing towards me. I feel tears welling up in my eyes and I look away from her in an attempt to hide my hurt feelings. "Maybe I should just go" I say as I pick up my purse and head for the door. My hand is on the doorknob, ready to turn it and open the door when I hear Emily say in a soft voice, "You mean something to me".