Issues

Limbo

Alison's POV

It's been a little over 2 hours since Spencer left my apartment to talk to Emily. I've been a nervous wreck since she left, biting my nails, pacing, and anxiously awaiting clarification. Aria and Hanna have been trying to keep my mind off of things by making breakfast, play with Moose, turning on the TV, you name it.

Suddenly Spencer walks through the door with a pensive look on her face.

"What did she say? Please tell me you have something that can help me understand why she's done this" I say pleading with Spencer.

We all sit down in the living room and wait for Spencer to finally speak.

Looking at me finally, she says, "She's gone".

"What do you mean she's gone" I ask confused.

"She left a note for me saying that she was basically going off the grid for awhile. She even left her phone in her apartment. She said she'll be back eventually and asked for me to not hate her" Spencer replies.

Continuing on she says, "I looked all over the apartment for her.... even the studio.... I looked in her closet and saw her travel bag and some clothes and shoes were missing. Her passport is gone too. I continued my search all over the apartment, trying to figure out where she might have gone. I came up with nothing. I'm sorry Ali. She could be anywhere".

"Why would she leave? If anything, I should be the one that leaves to have some time to think. For fucks sakes she broke my heart... not the other way around" I say raising my voice.

Aria gently places her hand on mine, attempting to calm me down and says, "Maybe she's afraid of the ramifications of what we'd say to her once we found out".

"She better be" Hanna yells. "I'm gonna kick her ass the next time I see her! She's being such a bitch! For God sakes Alison and Emily were perfect together! They were literally made for each other and she goes and does this?! I don't think so" she says sounding flabbergasted and pissed all at once.

"Okay I realize you're pissed Hanna and trying to help, but talking about how perfect they were together probably doesn't help Ali too much" Spencer replies shooting Hanna a dirty look.

"I'm sorry Ali" Hanna replies. "I don't mean to upset you".

I take her hand and say, "It's okay Hanna. I know what you mean. And honestly. I think I'm all cried out. I'm just predominantly sad and confused at this point".

"So I guess there is nothing we can really do until she contacts one of us" Aria says somberly while gazing off into space.

Now all of us are off in our own world. Her words so true, so simple, and so hauntingly painful. We're all just going to have to live in a state of limbo until Emily decides to show her face again.

Snapping back to reality, I suddenly say without thinking, "And of course I work three nights in a row starting tonight. Then I get a day off. Then I work three nights in a row again".

Spencer replies, "Maybe that will help you keep your mind off the pain and confusion. Do some good and get away from it all ya know?"

"You're probably right" I reply. "I can't live like this forever. I can't just allow myself to feel like this all the time".

"But I don't think you should sweep your emotions under the rug. You need to feel these things and process the situation the best way you can" Aria says smiling sweetly.

"Yea or else you'll be in the grocery store one day, accidentally chip your fingernail and just have a complete meltdown in the middle of the store" Hanna says sounding concerned.

I laugh at the imagery of that. "You're so right" I say after a good laugh. "I promise I won't repress my emotions" I say looking at all of them.

"Are you okay with being by yourself or would you like us to stay" Aria asks me.

"Yea we'll do whatever you want us to do" Spencer adds.

Looking around at all of them I reply, "You guys are so kind to me. Thank you for being such wonderful friends to me in my time of need. To be honest, I think I'll be okay. I have a few things I can do around here before work tonight. Just promise me something. If you hear anything from her, you'll let me know as soon as you can" I ask them nicely.

"Of course Alison. We want answers for ourselves and more importantly for you" Hanna replies rubbing my shoulder.

"Okay guys let's let Alison have some alone time" Spencer says while standing up with her things.

Congregating at the door, I smile, give a big hug to each of them, thank them, and wave them goodbye.

Now I'm all alone again. "Well doesn't this just feel great" I say sarcastically to myself.

I really should take a shower. But I can't seem to make myself walk into that bedroom quite yet. It's still too perfect from my last night of bliss with Emily. The moment I walk into that room and start functioning in it again, the memory will forever be tainted.  I'll be officially moving on from Emily and on with my life. God I don't want to do that. "But you have to shower. You stink. Come on Ali, you're a grown ass woman. Walk in that damn room, take a shower, hold your head high, and move on. Take one step at a time" I say to myself.