Issues

Mess

Emily's POV

I took a deep breath and threw the grenade right at two of the terrorists. Before they died, they managed to shoot me again in the same shoulder. At this point, the pain was starting to kick in and I began to bleed even more. But the threat wasn't over, there were still some of them left. I pointed my weapon in their direction, ready to shoot them. My gun had a different plan though and jammed on me. The terrorists just started laughing at me and slowly started walking towards me as I feverishly tried to fix my gun. Now only steps away from me, completely oblivious to Chris and Dave behind the rock, they pointed their guns at me and ordered me to beg for my life and kiss their feet. I of course refused. All I wanted was for a chopper to swoop in and take these guys out or some other vehicles to roll up and save us. But that just didn't seem like it was going to happen. I began to pray and accept the fact that I was going to die because there was nothing left that I could do to save myself. I was too badly injured, out numbered, and out weaponed. I closed my eyes and prepared for them to shoot me when all of the sudden I heard two gun shots. I thought they were for me but I realized that nothing hit me. I opened my eyes again, just in time to see the terrorists falling to the ground, lifeless, with bullets through their head. I was so confused at first until I saw Dave standing behind them, lowering his weapon. He regained consciousness and saved my life just in the nick of time. After I realized what happened, I just completely lost it. I started crying uncontrollably, even when the choppers came and picked us up. I made sure they brought back Maya and the others we had just lost. Once on the stretcher in the helicopter, I lost consciousness from the blood loss and sheer exhaustion from the ordeal. I woke up in the medical unit at the base later that night. They had to perform surgery to remove the bullet and repair some muscles and vessels. The doctors also sedated me because of what I experienced out there. Even with all the medication, I still felt empty inside. I had just lost someone that my life depended on on a regular basis. I lost someone that I was close with and had real romantic feelings for. The future that I saw ahead for us was now completely gone. I cried myself to sleep for many nights after that. Once I was medically stable, my commanding officer came to visit me and told me that I was being relieved of duty and would be awarded by the President for my bravery once I got back to the United States. I guess the story got out about that day and what I did. The media was going nuts over the entire situation and were aching to interview me. I quite frankly didn't give a damn about what the media wanted and just wanted to be left alone. But my commanding officer said that I had to at least do one interview and go to the award ceremony held by the President. To be honest Ali, I was surprised you didn't recognize me from the news based on how plastered the story was a over practically every news station whether I liked it or not. Once the press had enough of me, I returned back to a life of solitude. However this life of solitude was what got me into trouble. I started drinking way too much in order to just numb my mind and my body. I started sleeping around with a lot of women because I hated being alone, especially at night. The nighttime was when the flashbacks and the nightmares were the worst. Over the following months, I developed a real anger problem as well. I also started having panic attacks and problems with large public crowds. My life was a giant mess but I didn't want to do anything about it. Wallowing in my misery was far easier and safer rather than addressing what happened to me and trying to move on in a healthy way. I wasn't working after I came home and my bank account was quickly becoming nonexistent. Then one day, I got a call from a modeling agency to come to LA to take a few photos for them. They had seen me and my story on the news and potentially wanted to sign me as a model for them. I needed the money, so I said yes. I guess they liked what they saw because they signed me and got me a job at a fashion house in Milan. Modeling was nothing that I was ever drawn to as a kid or thought I was even good at. Apparently I was good enough because they signed me. Over the next couple of months, I started getting more and more exposure and higher ups in bigger modeling agencies started calling me. That's when I decided that I needed to get an assistant. That's where Hanna came into the picture. She helped me get control of my future and helped me figure out who I wanted to sign with fulltime. The money was great and it was no longer a worry on my mind. The fame and the perks started getting to my head though. The new found resources only fueled my problems with alcohol and women. As my irresponsible and destructive behaviors increased, my PTSD only skyrocketed. I was out of control and my anger and PTSD began to run my life. That's when the media started focusing on me and highlighting my drunken nights at clubs, my endless stream of women, my angry outbursts, and fights. The things they said about me were all true, but that doesn't mean that it didn't hurt any less. I went from a national hero to just another ungrateful, privileged celebrity. I lost the real me. This reality put me in a very dark place and I even contemplated suicide. That's when I told Hanna that I needed to go away somewhere and get some help. The media thought it was for alcohol abuse but in reality, I went away to get professional help for my depression and PTSD. I was in treatment for 90 days. I went on some anti-anxiety and antidepressant medications. I also did a lot of talk therapy with a therapist that was a former solider. I felt like he really understood what I was going through and he helped me tremendously. I'm not saying that I'm completely healed from this by any means. You've seen me when I have nightmares and when loud noises send me right back to the battlefield. But one things for sure Ali. Being with you is helping me heal these wounds. I feel so safe and comfortable with you and I'm not afraid to be vulnerable with you. I find myself wanting to get better for myself and for you. I want to be a better woman and do right by you as a partner. I'm incredibly appreciative of your kindess, gentleness, and loyalty. I honestly don't think that I'd be this happy at this stage in my life if it weren't for you. So I know this is a lot to throw on you, but I feel like I wanted to share this part of my life with you. Feel free to take some time to think about what you want to say. I understand it's a lot to process".