I'm sorry I never loved you the way you loved me. I thought I loved you that way, but I realized I only loved the thought of you rather than the actual you. Your fingers once intertwined with mine, and I swore I felt something, but how could I really have felt something when I never showed you the real me? Of course, you know the little things about me, but you probably never knew that I am now more suicidal than ever. That's not love. Love is being able to show the real you, whenever and wherever. Insomniac nights like these leave me here, thinking of how I only hurt you, rather than loved you. I remember that morning. I swore I felt something, I really did, but it wasn't love. No, it couldn't have been because I don't love you like that. As a friend, yes, but I could never love you as a lover. You only filled some of the emptiness in my soul. I know I hurt you because if I didn't I wouldn't be so afraid of talking to you again. I don't want you to break down because I won't come back and be yours. I simply can't. I never loved you that way. I'm not partner material. I only want us both happy, and I know that I wasn't happy with you. My mind knew I wasn't putting myself first. It took advantage of me and the thoughts were so terrifying all I wanted was for them to stop being so cruel. It was a selfish move. I'm conceited because I didn't truly see any best interest for you. You didn't fight for me, so maybe you didn't really love me either. We just weren't meant for each other. There weren't any sparks or fireworks. Only late night breakdowns and wondering why I wasn't ever good enough in this world. I know one day you'll be happy again, even if that day isn't today. I'll always love you, as a friend.
YOU ARE READING
To Feel
PoesieJust a girl putting her feelings into words. From poems to unsent letters, I pour my soul into each piece. Many of the pieces are about the dark parts of my mind, and wanting types of love that I'll never be able to have.
