Insane (COMPLETED)

Chapter 20

Chapter 20

HARRY'S POV

You may be wondering what's been going on in my mind. Or maybe not, I don't care either way. There's sometimes when it's fun, sometimes quite morbid. I see humans physically, but mentally, I see monsters. I believe everyone is good at heart but they hold so much anger. We may live in a cruel world, but it is truly very beautiful. Just like the devil. He's very beautiful; the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Everything you've ever wanted. But, he's also waiting to rip you to pieces and fuck you up mentally. You start smoking not to enjoy it but to die. You become heartless and cold. The things that were beautiful to you last week are no longer beautiful. The sunsets that symbolize the end of a healthy and productive day begin to be nothing more than a few reflections in the sky. The singing of a bird in the morning is nothing more than an annoying noise. But lately, what I've been crying about is myself. The person I used to be is completely gone and I have no idea where or how to find him. I miss being my happy, carefree self. But here I am, in the present with no clue about my future. I just know I won't be here much longer.

This dreadful car ride to my mother's house is honestly putting me to sleep. I can't think of anything else but going home and ending all this pain and put the evil voices in my head to sleep. But here I am, going to my family's house where I'm supposedly going to get better. I don't need people worrying about me all the time. I just want to be left the fuck alone. I don't want help and I don't want to talk to people about what I'm feeling. Life isn't a fucking therapy session. Louis has tried talking to me several times about my home and asking if Gemma will be there. I haven't replied, he should know the answers to all his questions. That may be rude but I don't care. It's been an hour out of this four hour car trip and it's been a good thirty minutes since he's tried to start a conversation with me. I guess he's finally caught on that I hate that he feels like he needs other people to try and heal me. I only want him.

I've been thinking of ways to tell Louis how I'm really feeling deep down, but I'm never able to fathom the words. I guess I'm just afraid that he won't care. I'm almost positive Louis would have left me a good month ago if I hadn't tried to kill myself. I bet he feels stuck with me. Like if I finally commit and he's not there to stop me, it's on his hands. But I don't see it like that. He should be glad I'm finally out of his life. That's one less weight on his shoulders. I'm only weighing him down and stopping him from doing what he wants to do. He could life his life to the fullest without me.

"Are you hungry? I know I can't force you to eat but I can tell you're hungry." Louis asked, his eyes scanning over my body.

My stomach has been growling for a good week now but I never eat anything. I ran my hands over my stomach and cringed when I felt my ribs. I've gotten really fucking skinny.

"Come on, sweetie. I'll pay." Louis continued. I shook my head but Louis motioned me to follow him inside the restaurant. Whatever, I'll eat just this one time.

-

"Does this hamburger taste good to you?" I questioned to Louis, the last couple bites making me want to throw up. It tasted okay at first, but now as I continue eating it, my stomach is beginning to hurt like a bitch. I forced Louis to eat in the car because I just want to get to my mom's house already. My ass hurts from sitting so long and I just want to sleep.

He took the burger out of my hand and took a bite out of it.

"Tastes fine to me, babe," Louis spoke.

I shook my head, wrapping the food back up and throwing back in the bag it came in.

"Not feeling it?" He continued.

"It's hurting my stomach really bad. I can't eat anymore of this. I'm about to throw up,"

"If you don't mind me asking," Louis began, swallowing a bite of his burger, "How long has it been since you've actually eaten?"

I eat little snacks every once in a while but not enough to sustain a healthy lifestyle. I would say I eat less than one hundred calories a day. But I didn't want Louis to worry about me so I lied. "This afternoon. I had a sandwich."

He raised a brow at me and I gave him my most convincing smile. I let out a sharp breath as soon as he dropped the subject and continued eating.

Soon enough, Louis began driving again and I fell asleep.

-

"Wake up, beautiful. We're here," Louis whispered in my ear, waking me up.

"I don't want to be here. Let's go back home," I mumbled, opening my eyes slightly.

"You know we can't do that, Harry. This is the best for you. Come on," He patted my shoulder and I slowly got out of the car. I wasn't in any rush to see anyone. Louis handed me my suitcase and I gasped at the weight. What the hell did he pack in here? Bricks?

We carried our things to my mom's front door and Louis gently knocked. Not even ten seconds later, my mom's familiar face came into view.

"Harry! I've missed you so much!" She said as she pulled me into a hug. Her tight arms wrapped around my sore torso and I cringed but didn't let her go. Her smell made me smile and I nuzzled into her neck to smell it even more. Gemma came around the corner and after she finished hugging Louis, she gave me a turn.

"You look like absolute shit," She told me.

"Asshole," I laughed as our hug ended.

I guess I missed home more than I expected.