Insane (COMPLETED)

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

LOUIS' POV

As soon as Harry was under anesthesia, I was escorted out of the room so they can take Harry up to the operating room. I sat down in the waiting room, fiddling with my thumbs in my lap. I know Harry's going to be okay- I don't know why i'm worrying so much. Why didn't I take him to get it checked out sooner? I knew the cuts on his chest were getting bad, but I never realized how bad they would actually get. This is all my fault, i'm sure of it. I'm the reason why he started cutting himself in the first place. It's a good thing that he doesn't do it on a daily basis, though. I hope so, anyway. If he does, it's not in a noticeable place. Okay, I need to stop. I'm making myself more scared than I need to be. It's just so painful to me that he's so sad and mentally destroyed that he wants to ruin his body as well. I still can't get over the fact that he carved the word 'insane' into his side. I'm the one who called him that in the first place, so I should have been the one to have gone through that pain, not him.

I've been thinking a lot about the other day when I found him lying on my couch when I told him to leave. I was wrong to handle the situation like I did. I shouldn't have threatened to kill him, that was probably the worst thing I could have done. And when I accidentally cut the skin on his neck, I suddenly realized how wrong I was to be doing that to him. He wasn't going to hurt me.

Harry needs someone to help him get rid of the demons in his mind, and I now know I am the only person that can help him. I am going to help him get better if it's the last thing I do. It's my responsibility now.

Soon enough, I found my eyelids getting heavy and I fell asleep.

-

"Sir?"

"Sir?"

I was gently shook awake and my eyes opened, exposing a woman in a white outfit trying to wake me up.

"Yeah?" I slurred, clearing my throat.

"Are you Mr. Tomlinson?"

"Why?"

She rolled her eyes and placed her hand on her hip. "Harry isn't awake yet but you may go see him. The surgery is over."

"How'd it go?" I asked, almost jumping out of my chair. I can finally go see Harry!

"It was a success, obviously," she huffed. "just follow me before I change my mind."

She motioned me to follow her and I was apprehensive, but quickly caught up to her. Why is she so bitchy?

She led me down the hallway and stopped at a door, looking me in the eye before opening it. I felt my hands become clammy as I saw him lying on the bed inside the room, his body extremely pale. The lady closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with Harry. I slowly walked over to him, scared to get too close to the bed he is on. Should I touch him?

I bit the inside of my cheek and grabbed his hand, careful not to hold it too tight. I focused on his face, taking in the sight in front of me. His lips were slightly pursed, creating the dimple on his cheek. His eyes were gently closed, dark eyelashes almost touching his cheek. Small beads of sweat covered his forehead and I used the bed sheets to wipe his face clean. Looking down, two huge white bandages covered his chest, and the 'insane' scar that i've gotten to know so well was visible on his side. I'm curious if the doctors thought anything of it.

I ran my free hand through his hair, getting it out of his face. I tucked the hair on the sides of his head behind his ears and slightly smiled, knowing Harry hates his hair like this. I could imagine him playfully scolding me, messily flipping his hair back to how it usually is.

"Harry," I began, knowing he couldn't hear me, "i'm so sorry,"

I stopped talking for a second and listened to him breathe, the heart monitor at a continuous beep.

"I know we've both done some pretty terrible things," I continued, "but let's make this a valuable lesson to get better, yeah? You can't keep harming yourself like this, baby."

The doctors have undone the top of his gown so they have access to his chest, but left the bottom covering his legs. Still holding his hand, I grabbed the top of the gown, pulling it up to cover his chest. I don't want to see the bandages anymore. But as soon as I did that, I accidentally pulled it too high and it exposed the top of his thighs. I went to pull it back down but stopped when I noticed what he's done to himself.

Bloody cuts completely covered the tops of his thighs, and my heart completely sank to my stomach when I realized what he had spelled.

'Louis' was carved into his left thigh and 'I'm sorry' was carved into the other.

"Harry, I-" I started.

"How could you?" I yelled, louder than intended. "You were getting better! You- I can't believe you! You knew I would see these one day! I can't believe you're still hurting yourself. We were past this!"

I knew he wasn't listening to me, but that only seemed to wind me up more. Since he couldn't hear me, he couldn't fight back. We were over this! We were getting better!

I looked down at his thighs again, tears stinging my eyes. Most of them were new, probably from this morning or yesterday. They weren't big enough to kill him though, which I'm thankful for. They were all just skinny cuts, most likely made from a razor or knife. But there were so many, too many to easily count. None of them seemed to need stitches, so that helped me calm down. I was so convinced that Harry was actually getting better.

I angrily let go of his hand and sat down in the corner of his room. I shouldn't be mad at Harry, really. I'm just mad that I suspected this and didn't do anything to stop it or ask him if he's harming himself. Maybe I was scared.

I quietly laughed to myself. When am I not scared anymore?

After a while of me zoning out in my chair, Harry turned in his bed and my breath hitched when I saw his eyes open. He roughly wiped his hand over his face and quietly groaned when he felt the pain coming from his chest. He slightly sat up, but froze when he saw me looking at him.

"Hi Louis," he weakly smiled,

"Uh, hi Harry." I tried my best to look happy but couldn't bring myself to put on a realistic smile after what I just saw.

"Come here."

I slowly got up and walked over to him, keeping my distance from his bed.

"Louis, what are you doing? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine,"

"Then come kiss me, god dammit." He pretended to be mad but he was given away by his goofy smile.

"Okay."

I walked over to him and placed my hand on his warm jaw, running my thumb across his cheek before leaning down and placing a small kiss on his lips.

I quickly moved back away from him and he looked at me like I was crazy. "That's all I get?" He asked.

"Harry, I thought you were getting better," I sighed.

"What?"

I raised my eyebrows at him and he completely froze, his eyes staring at the wall behind me.

"I saw your thighs."