Why Do I Love You? (Riren, Ereri)

Chapter 9: What would happen if...

Self harm is included in this chapter. I do not encourage self harm! Also, there is sexual act in this chapter. Please, read it with caution! <3
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Levi's Perspective...

I woke up with a throbbing pain in my head; my stomach felt horrible and I felt nauseated. The thing is, I was in the guest bedroom, which made me feel immediately horrible. I had done the stupidest thing last night, and all the memories had flowed into my head, making it throb in pain. The boy forcefully kissing me; being drunk; it all flowed into my head. This caused me to cry and feel even more sick. I ran straight for the bathroom, barely making it, and I started throwing up. It didn't stop until a minute later and I felt an emptiness in my stomach and head. I've made the worst mistake of my life, and wished that taking it back was an option. In this case, it wasn't even an option since this is the real world-if only the real world had fairy tales...

Eren had walked into the bathroom and I didn't notice. He starred at me, "here; take these fucking pills."

Eren's voice made me flinch. "O-okay; thanks..."

Eren slammed the water and pills down on the counter right next to me. This made flinch and look away from Eren when he was leaving, until he spoke up.

"I am packing up my stuff and leaving; you can go make out with that boy from the party in this house. I won't be here anymore."

With that, he left; I broke down right there. I didn't care if the floor was dirty or not-being the clean freak I am, it was surprise to me. But I didn't honestly care right now, all I cared about was thinking what my life would be like now without Eren. What I've done had made this all happen. If I didn't go to the damn party, I could still have Eren in my arms, being mine. Reality had struck me hard his time; it really has. What am I left with now, nothing? What will I do with my life now; stay in Sina? ...maybe I should just live my life in Sina with my friend...that would be the best. No; I couldn't. Sina is too far away from Eren if I ever had another chance. Plus, I should keep this house since it is very beautiful...maybe make this the bedroom instead of the other one.

What am I going to do? I felt like shit now; what have I done...I screwed up big time this time. Eren is going to be gone from me, forever most likely. Why would he take someone like me back...all I did was mess up his heart and made him feel pain. ...he's already had enough of pain. I didn't want him to have more than he had already experienced...but now he is like me when I was serious. He isn't smiling; he isn't laughing; he isn't telling me he loves me; he isn't mine now... What do I have left in my life anymore? Nothing. That's what is left in my life; nothing at all. I hated my life now; I hated myself. 

This house felt empty-Eren was already packing last night-he left just an hour ago. I felt lonely; I felt like every part of my life had gone...I felt like I was nothing...Eren will not be with me anymore, not after what I did. Breaking down in front of the door made me seem pathetic, but I really wasn't pathetic. I needed Eren, but now he was gone-nothing in my life will matter now. Why...why did I have to be so stupid and screw shit up. Why the fuck am I such an idiot that I had to screw everything up!

I ran to the bathroom after my breakdown had stopped, but not my tears. My hand was moving on its own as it guided its way down to a newly sharp razor. My hand held up close to my wrist and started to tear away at the skin. Tears stung my eyes, but I felt no pain-no emotion. Blood stained the tiled floor but my hand kept going, leading to my other wrist. Then I decided this wasn't enough, so I brought out a knife that I had always kept in here and aimed it at my stomach...what was I doing? My mind didn't knew anymore. My hand had scraped the knife along my stomach-making me bleed anymore. Blood stained all over the floor; my clothes; my body. It dropped everywhere.