Royally Arranged

Chp 10 You're not sorry

Bella's POV

And here are we, next to me, who is fidgeting with the hem of my skirt while watching ' Falling In Love with My Best Friend' - to Rosalie's delight-.

I tried not to wince I saw Eleanor glancing at her ex-best friend and her boyfriend nervously.

Her boys wanted her to be happy. But she can't have both of them. That selfish. Too selfish. She's making her decision right now. Who will she choose? The best friend, or the boyfriend?

The scene moved fast, blurring my eyesight while I put myself in her shoes. At last, she lost both. She tried to care both of her lovers but hurt them instead.

I peeked a glance at Edward who is watching the romance movie boringly. Will I hurt this wonderful man next to me? Does he deserve it? No. Either I let loose of Edward... Or I Jacob. But will I see Jake again? No.

I can't fell on love with two men in the same time. Well maybe not same. To be fair, I should be with Jacob. I was with him first. But it changed, doesn't it? Maybe he had found his true love. Picturing him with another girl by his side hurts me deeply.

But that doesn't mean Edward will be happy if I leave him for Jake. It's not fair. Life isn't fair.

Either one of the boys get hurt or... I get hurt, to save them. Letting them both go free. Will I sacrifice myself for love? Maybe, or maybe not. I clawed my head out for a conclusion. Nothing works. I can't love both men together!

It isn't fair for them, they don't deserve it.

Can't take this anymore, can't take this anymore. I chanted to my head before I could burst into tears. Throwing my pillow to Rosalie out of my lap before dashing upstairs to my room.

" no, no, no. Don't cry. Don't cry. Stay strong. Plea-se... Don't- don't cry." I burst into tears, pulling my knees to my chest after locking the door.

It's so hard to choose. Now I am lost in the distant. I am scared of the danger in front of us. For a minute, I thought the world was mine.

I am prepared to lost everything I got... If I can.

I heard poundings and muffled screaming behind my door. No, I won't let them see me like this. Never. But I am only human.

Now I know the chase is on.

Taking a deep breath to steady my lungs, I got up. Grabbing a wet tissue and wiped the blacken mascara out of my eye bags and reapplied them. Dump both of them. My evil mini-me snickered in my head. I flinched again and walked out of the cosmetic room.

The poundings behind my door stopped eventually as I climbed to bed slowly and tiredly. I flicked off the lights with a small weak clap and covered the fluffy blanket up to my forehead, trying to escape away from the nightmares I usually get after comparing Edward to Jake.

I ran away in my sleep to my paradise.

~*~

I felt guilty. I should tell Edward about it. No, that's too risky. What if he leaves me? If he chose to leave me, I'll pick Jake right? No, I can't let Jacob be my part time. It isn't fair.

Life isn't fair. These three words appeared in my mind for the hundredth time about comparing my boys. No, they are not mine...

I am too selfish. I want it all, I want it bad.

Little did I know tears were streaming down to my chin profusely as I sat beside Carlisle for a too early breakfast. Too quiet for my ears, Carlisle got down from his wooden chair and sat next to me. To my surprise, he hold me. He hugged me, soothing me as I cried my heart out.

" Sh... Cry it all out, honey. Tell me everything. I'll be your ears. Daddy loves you," he cooed, brushing his fingertips fatherly across my forehead.

I cried because I need to make a choice between my lovers. I cried because I will have to lose one of them to be with another. I cried because I was hurt. I cried because I was broken. I cried because Carlisle is my daddy. I cried because he loves me.

Slowly, I calmed down, gasping for air. Carlisle stayed. I tell, he listened.

Everybody got a dark side, nobody is a picture perfect.

" We will be by your side whoever you choose, Bella." he murmured after the small story of mine. " No, Carlisle, Edward won't! I will hurt him by choosing Jacob. And I will hurt Jake if I choose Edward." I stared at Carlisle's green fatherly eyes, begging for a answer that won't hurt anyone.

" Don't worry child. He's got a plan for you. I am sure god will help you. Don't worry now." he soothed, tucking my hair back to my ear like Edward will always do.

I wish I could believe him. Daddy loves you. These words are unfamiliar to my ears. It's soft and alluring. No one ever said that to me before, not even Father. I hugged Carlisle back tightly. " I love you too, dad. I love you." I murmured against his neck. He was surprised, but hugged me back, stroking my hair in a very fatherly way.

" Please, don't tell anyone about it, Carlisle." I begged after pulling back. " yes, I promise I won't, Bella." he smiled wrinkly at me. Infected me to smiled, too.

" Uhm... Are you guys good? I am starving." I heard someone mumbled uncomfortably behind us. Carlisle chuckled and put me back to my chair. " Yes we are, Rose. Come in." I blushed and Rosalie and Esme walked in. " Yeah, we don't wanna disturb the father and daughter moment. It's rare." Esme giggled and took a plate to place her omelets.

I felt warmth. They thought me as they daughter, as their sister. I smiled and continued eat my soggy cereal. Rosalie found a bowl and joined me for cereal.

" Where's Emmet and your siblings, Rosalie?" Carlisle asked after getting a quick peak from Esme. " Uhm, as usual, Emmet is still sleeping, Alice making up. Jasper library, coming down in a minute. I think Edward is emo-ing in his room." his name gave me butterflies to my stomach and I squirmed in my seat.

" What's emo-ing?" Carlisle asked. " That's not a cuss word right, Rosalie?" Esme asked, with a dangerous tone. Rosalie's eyes widen and shook her head furiously.

" Emo is like..." she tried to explained with her hands as gestures. I came to save her. " unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who dont smile," I sighed and Rosalie grinned at me. I grinned back and gave her a small punch fist under the table.

" oh, " they went back to their breakfast. Emmet and Jasper came down in the same time I went up. We greeted each other simply and I walked passed the green door.

I froze on my tracks and automatically turned to it. I pushed my ear to the door and heard classic music blaring inside. Claire De Lune was on and everything was quiet.

Well, he's not emo-ing. I pushed my ear further when the sing ended, desperate to find out the next song was. River Flows In You by Yiruma, my favorite.

" Busted," someone snickered and I fell to the blank space. " Woah, " he caught me and steadied me on my feet. We stood awkwardly, staring at each other. " Uhm... I heard you are emo-ing inside." I sighed and he shrugged. " No, just listening to music." he leaded me inside to his room. The music changed again, Chopin's.

" You got like so many pictures." I breathed at the huge posters above my forehead. He shrugged again, flopping back to his bed. " Well, your room looks good. I thought every boy has a pig stable." I joked and he laughed.

" Not me, mom takes it strict when it comes to cleaning. " he rolled his eyes dramatically. I laughed along with him and sat knees folded beside him.

" We... We need to talk, Edward." I said nervously. He snapped up straight, tensed. He turned around and looked at me. I stared back seriously. It's now or never. " I-I am sorry. I lied." I breathed. " About what?" he asked slowly, breathe ragged.

" About my pass, Edward. Once upon a time I fell in love." I confessed, waiting for his reaction that will decide my future. My mind when forward to the future, he leaves me, I went back to England, married the stupid Russian prince and never see him again.

I am so fucked up.