Snake Eyes [boyxboy]

                “MEOW.”

                “AH!”

                I flailed my arms wildly and sat up, smacking my head on the wall and wincing. I threw my arms up to defend myself against my vicious attacker.

                “Jude! Not cool!” I cried as my cat watched me through his brilliant yellow eyes. He meowed at me again before lifting his leg up and licking his privates.

                “Just what I want to see at 5.30 in the morning,” I grumbled and shoved him away from me. He came over and licked my face.

                “Ah! Your tongue just licked your naughty place!” I cried and shoved him away from me. “Get out of here Jude! I AM NOT AFRAID TO BEAT A PUSSY UNTIL IT BLEEDS!” I shrieked at him.

                Realization of what I had just said struck me and I clapped my hands over my ears and shook my head violently. “Ah! Dirty thoughts! Get out of my virgin head!” I cried desperately.

                Jude cocked his head to the side and meowed twice more before jumping down, landing gracefully on his feet. He went to the corner of my room and curled up to sleep. Oh sure. Jude gets to sleep without anything waking him up!

                I opened my mouth to reprimand my cat for waking me up, realized I didn’t feel like getting taken away in a straight-jacket this morning, and pulled the covers over myself as I laid back down to sleep a little longer.

                I was about 2 seconds from being back in a deep sleep when my alarm decided that it was jealous of the close relationship I was sharing with my bed. It began to scream at the two of us and I groaned and slapped around for the damn snooze button. No such luck.

                “You jealous butthead!” I whined. “You can have a relationship with the floor!”

                And with that, I smacked the stupid alarm clock onto my bedroom floor. It bounced just out of my reach and continued to scream at me to get my lazy bottom out of bed and into the shower.

                Groaning, I sleepily rolled off my bed and thumped to my floor painfully. I finally managed to unplug my alarm clock, shutting it up. I pushed myself to my feet, aware that Jude was watching me, probably amused. Gosh. My cat was such a jerk!

                I stumbled and smacked my face on the door. “Ow! I forgot I can’t float through solid objects. Please don’t hit me again Mr. Door,” I mumbled and gently pet my door despite the fact that it had just so rudely hit me in my poor face.

                I grabbed the door handle and slowly turned it. The door flew open and spilled me back onto the ground.

                “Ow! If you wanted to let me know I was fat, you could’ve just said so!” I whined and glared at the door. Stupid door. I’d turn it into fire wood. Ha ha! That would show that jerk who was boss! And maybe I could cook Jude over it while I was at it. Dumb cat!

                I got back to my feet and slapped my hands on the wall to slowly guide myself to the bathroom. I stripped down and got in the shower, keeping the water to a temperature that could just barely be called warm. If I fell asleep in the shower again, my mom would kill me.

                I got out of the shower and grabbed my towel. I felt around for my clothes and groaned. Aw dip! I left my clean clothes in my bedroom! Way to go, idiot.