When the demons are screaming at you, just know that I'm screaming your name at the top of my lungs.
-Anon
*****
I lay in my bed watching the sunlight trickle though my window. It's been 2 years since Demi had adopted me and nothing has changed. "Breakfast!" Demi called, I got up slowly and reluctantly because I knew I had to eat-if I said I wasn't hungry then she'd suspect something... So I let it pass, ready to purge later on if I needed, which I would.
All through the meal Demi stared at me, watching me eat. Bacon, eggs and toast stared at me from my plate, "You okay?" Demi asked, snapping me out of my daze, "Yeah... I'm.. Um, not really that hungry."
Truth is, I was hungry, I was f*cking starving, and have been for God knows how long! "Salad?" Demi asked me, "Nah, I'm good." I said, trying to wriggle my way out, but Demi had me good and proper, "You need to eat." She said, giving me a sympathetic look, "No I don't." I said, I was 14 now, and gaining attitude. And if Demi made me eat, attitude wasn't going to be the only thing I would be gaining. Demi ignored me and got up, coming back with a plain piece of white bread, "Eat." She ordered.
Fat.
Calories.
Weight.
Those 3 words rotated their way around my mind whilst I took tiny bites out of my bread.
Fat.
Calories.
Weight.
Fat.
Calories.
Weight.
They wouldn't stop.
I eventually finished the bread, I would've thrown it away if Demi hadn't have been watching me like a hawk. I immediately ran to the bathroom to throw it all up.
"No." Demi said simply, grabbing me round the waist. I forced a smile onto my face, "I really really need a pee Mum!" Yep. I called her Mum often now, except when I was pissed at her, those times I would call her Demi. "Bullocks." She stated. I needed a way out, so I danced around, "Please Mum, let me go I'm desperate!" She let me go. Big mistake Mum. I wasn't desperate for a pee, I was desperate to throw up. I ran up the stairs singing, "Pee pee pee!" Just so Demi would believe me.
As soon as I got into the bathroom, I ran over to the toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat, the bread popped up to say hi, which I was happy about because that would mean that I wouldn't get fat. I sighed in content. "Good work, Jessie! You know you can rely on us!" My inner demons spoke, "Yep, I know it!" I said to myself, swilling my mouth out and flushing the toilet.
I turned swiftly around to go back downstairs, only to be greeted by Demi standing outside the door, tears in her eyes but a look of disappointment spread across her face. "Going for a pee?!" She said, "Drop it, Mum." I said a bit too harsh, "Stop that attitude with me." She said to me, she was getting angry. "What attitude?" I asked, "You know what one." She said, I did know what 'attitude she was talking about, but it was me! "It's me, don't like it?" I asked, "No, I don't. That isn't the Jessie that I know!" Demi said to me, I was getting really pissed by now, and I just shoved past her into my room, locking the door.
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So that's the first chapter in this book, I hope you liked it!!
Samara x
