Selfish Love [On Going]

CHAPTER SIX

"But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you

Not even close

Not even a little bit

Not even at all."

10 Things I Hate About You

Halos dalawang araw na akong di pumapasok. Pinipilit ako ni Raven at tinetext ako ni Bree pero hindi ko sila pinapakinggan. Hindi ko sila sinasagot. Parang gusto ko na lang ikulong ang sarili ko sa apat na sulok ng silid na 'to. Ayokong magpakita kahit kanino. Ayoko silang makita.

Nakahiga ako sa kama habang nakabalot sa kumot. For two days, my bed became my companion. And the music was my knight in shining armor. It could somehow liberate me from this torture.

I was listening to Maybe by Up Dharma Down while my face is buried on my pillow. Coz this damn tears won't stop. Dalawang araw na akong umiiyak. Halos hindi na ako makakita dahil magang-maga na ang mga mata ko. Pagod na rin ako pero hindi ko kayang pigilan ang sarili ko. Hindi ko kayang sabihin na magiging okay din ang lahat, magiging okay din ako. Kasi alam kong hindi ako magiging maayos, hindi ako babalik sa sistema ko hanggang alam kong hindi niya ako kayang mahalin, hanggang hindi ko siya nakikitang sakin.

Natigilan ako saglit sa pag-iyak ng biglang tumunog ang phone ko.

Aubree Santiago

Lyke, you need to come here. Baka hindi mo na abutang buhay si Gunner.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang mabasa ko ang message na yon ni Bree. Hindi na ako nagabalang sagutin ang text niya. Dali-dali kong inayos ang sarili ko at nagtungo sa school.

Halos atakihin na ako sa puso sa sobrang kaba. Anong nangyari?

It was just a ten minutes' drive away from home but it feels like forever. Parang ang tagal-tagal bago ako nakarating ng school. Kung kailan talaga nagmamadali ka saka bubungad ang traffic sa'yo.

"Manong, pakihintay po ako dito ha." Paalam ko sa driver namin bago ako tumakbo papasok.

Hindi naman ako nahirapang hanapin sila Bree dahil bumungad agad sakin ang dami ng mga estudyante. Nakapalibot sila sa kung ano mang meron sa lugar na yon. They we're shouting, screaming and cheering all at the same time. It seems like they we're watching some kind of a Manny Pacquiao fight. Lalo akong kinabahan.

"Sige, suntukin mo pa!"

"Wag kang papatalo!"

"Ang gwapo-gwapo nagbabangasan ng mukha!"

I pushed myself to get through. At nagulat ako sa nakita ko. It was Gunner and Fox. And they were fvcking fighting. They we're both aggressive and I don't see any mercy on their faces anymore. Dumudugo ang labi nila pareho. Pero mas maraming dugo at galos si Gunner kaysa kay Fox. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari, kung bakit nangyari yon at kung anong gagawin ko.

"Fox!" Sigaw ko dito.

Lumingon siya sakin. He stared at me for a second. Gunner took that chance to hit Fox right on his jaw. Napaatras si Fox pero pinilit niyang huwag mawalan ng balanse. He looked back at Gunner and stared at him furiously. Tumakbo si Sofia palapit kay Gunner saka niya ito niyakap sa baywang. Kaya hindi ito nakalapit agad kay Fox para sundan ang suntok na binitawan niya dito.

"Ano bang nangyayari sa inyo?! Ano bang kademonyohan ang pumasok sa isip niyo para magsakitan kayo ng ganito?!" It was Raven. She ran into the middle. And she was screaming on top of her lungs. But they just ignored her.

I ran to Fox. At nagulat na lang ako ng iyakap niya sakin ang isang braso niya. Mahigpit yon. Naramdaman ko rin na nanginginig ang kamay niya habang madiin na nakakapit sa braso ko. Then he pointed his finger to Gunner. "You stay away from Lyke or I swear to God, I'll kill you!"

"You don't have to make a scene just to tell me that, Fox!" Sagot ni Gunner sa kanya. "You could just simply say that without even laying your fingers on me!"

"That's for your fvcking guts, you son of a prick!"

"Tama na!" Awat ni Raven sa kanila. "Please tama na!"

Tumingin lang si Fox kay Raven saka niya hinawakan ang kamay ko. Hinila niya ako at inilayo sa lahat.

"Fox! Bumalik ka dito!" Narinig ko pang sigaw ni Raven. But Fox didn't give a damn. He raised his middle finger instead.

Fox could be disruptive sometimes but I've never seen him so rage as this. I didn't expect that he could hurt his bestfriend as much as he can hurt his enemy. I felt a bit scared and worried.

"Sakay." Tipid niyang sabi ng buksan niya ang pinto ng kotse. Hindi na ako nakatutol dahil ayaw ko ring sabayan ang galit niya.

Nang makasakay na siya ay bigla na lang niyang hinampas ang manibela. "Damn it!"

Hindi ako kumibo.

Maybe he was feeling a little bit guilty of what he did. He lit up a cigarette then he rolled down the windows. Isinandal niya ang katawan at ulo niya sa upuan. Magkasalubong pa rin ang kilay niya habang hinihithit ang sigarilyo sa kaliwang kamay niya.

"W-why did you do that?" Lakas loob kong tanong sa kanya.

"Coz I am allowing myself to get hurt while he did nothing but to hurt you." Kinapa niya ang pumutok niyang labi. Napangiwi siya, marahil sa sakit nito. "Is this what I'll get for loving you too much, Lyke?"

Huminga ako ng malalim. "I don't know, Fox. I don't know. I didn't ask you to love me and get yourself hurt."

"And you know what upsets me the most? It's when Gunner could still make you fall for him after all he has done to you. And you are still concern as fvck."

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita agad. Hindi ko kasi alam ang sasabihin ko kay Fox. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko pabubulaanan ang lahat ng totoong sinabi niya. But this is me. I can't change what has been embedded on my heart and mind. I still can't let go of Gunner. I didn't lose hope, not even after he dumped me, not even once.

"K-kasi hindi ko na kayang magmahal pa ng iba. Kahit paulit-ulit niya akong saktan at balewalain. Siya at siya pa rin ang pipiliin kong mahalin." Oh Lord, I hate this tears. It started to run down my face again.

"That's bullshit!"

"And so as your feelings for me, Fox."

Bigla siyang natahimik. Hindi ko na mabawi ang sinabi ko dahil huli na. Nasaktan ko na si Fox. Siguro kagaya ng sakit na ibinigay sakin ni Gunner. O baka mas malala pa do'n.

"Alright. If that's what you really want. I'll make him fall for you. Just give me a week to do it." Aniya.

"And? Do I still have to pretend as your girlfriend?"

"Yes." He slowly stared at me with blank expression on his face. "I just want to make you feel how much love I could give you before I let you go."

Bahagya akong natigilan sa sinabi niya. Pero yun naman ang gusto ko di ba? Yung mawala na siya sa buhay ko.

"Deal."