Begin Again

Chapter 19

"So bears are your thing." I ask him as we pay for our tickets at the gate.

"Yeah they have just always been. It's amazing how they could look so cute and cuddly the one moment then you make them angry and boom they are this vicious animal trying to rip your throat out." Laughing at him I just shake my head.

"Trust you to choose the cute, cuddly and dangerous animal."

"What I chose you as a friend and even tried to date you once." He says

"Are you saying I'm just like a bear?" I ask as I take my seat in the arena where the show was to take place.

"Yeah that's exactly what I'm saying." He says with a laugh in his voice "The one moment you are cute and cuddly and then the next someone pisses you off and you go all bonkers on them. And don't try and deny it. I saw it happen with my own two eyes."

"When?" I ask all innocently

"Well let me see. O there was that one time where I kissed you and then I couldn't walk without wincing for a week after. You had John so scared of you if he knew you were going to be at some place he will make sure he is not there."

"You and John had it coming."

"What about Kimberly?"

"She had it coming" I say with a pointed look "And if you don't watch it I'm going to turn into that bear you claim I am and make you wince for another week."

"Wow down boy. Calm down. I was just joking with you." He says holding up a piece sign.

Bursting out laughing he looked so cute I wanted to kiss him.

*

"Can we please see the lions now? I have been looking at these bears so long I think I'm starting to see double."

"Fine we can go see the lions. But the bear cubs are still so much cuter than your lions."

"Yeah yeah whatever just come on. And I'm driving this time."

"You are a terrible driver." He says

"Not worse than you."

As we drive to the lion sanctuaries we banter on about who is the better driver. And me being who I am make sure to drive extra slow and like an old lady just to bug him.

"Finally" he exclaims "I thought I will only arrive here alongside the Grimm reaper at the speed you where driving."

"Hey you are the one that said I shouldn't drive like a crazy person. So I took it nice and slow." I hit back as I head for the lion cages.

I don't know why but these animals are just amazing to me. I have just always loved them.

"So tell me why lions?" he asks as if reading my mind.

"Just everything about them pulls me. They are not the biggest animal on the food chain but they are considered the king. They exert fear were ever they go but they do not kill for fun. They will only kill when it's time to feed and then they do it so majestically."

He was just staring at me like I was insane. He was the one who compared me to a freaking bear.

"Majestically? Is that what you call it when they stalk there pray and then attack it?"

"Yes, I call it majestically. Because you will never hear them coming. So they actually have the ability to disappear and only reappear when they are good and ready for you to see them. In high school I wished I had that ability. I wished I could disappear when I felt like it and only make myself know again when it is needed."

He looks at me a long time before he speaks.

"You mean with Kimberly?" he says it so quietly that I barely heard it.

"Yeah" I whisper back. My mind already drifting back to all the times Kimberly tormented me.

Because of her I was screwed up a long time before my family went crazy. Looking at the lions parading around in there cage I felt sorry for them. I knew how it felt to be caged in. even if it was only emotionally

"Then I got one chance at a surprise attack and I think I executed it amazingly." I say trying to break the tension from bringing up the past again

Brandon stayed quietly standing next to me for a while longer before he slowly pulled on my shoulders forcing me to look at him. I knew what I would see in his eyes the moment I faced him and I knew what he would see.

The moment my eyes locked with his I saw the hurt in his eyes from remembering what Kimberly did to me and not just her but him as well. I saw all the guilt he felt over it and I couldn't help it. My heart just broke a little to see him still feeling guilty.

Before I could control it I felt the first tears escape my eyes. I tried turning away to hide it but he would have nothing off it. Slowly lifting his hand he uses his thumb to wipe away the tears. First the left side then the right side.

"I'm so sorry Sam." He whispers to me

"I have moved past it. It just sometimes catches me off guard. I have forgiven and the hurt is much less. I don't know why I'm such a blubbering idiot right now. I haven't cried over this in years."

He just keeps staring into my eyes the guilt so visible it was tearing at me. I knew what I was about to ask him was going to pull at old wounds but it needed to be asked.

"Brandon are you blaming yourself for my suicide attempt?" I ask barley above a whisper.

As the words left my mouth his eyes tear up and the guilt just explodes. Without thinking I link my arms around his head and pull his lips down on mine. Hoping the kiss will tell him how he is not to blame one bit for my stupid, cowardly decision.

He lifts his other hand and places it on my other cheek keeping me in place as he deepens the kiss. It took my mind a minute to long to realize what we were doing again. His mind kicked in before mine and he suddenly pulls away from me.

Taking a few steps back, putting some much needed distance between us. Even though my mind was telling me what he was doing was the right thing my heart couldn't help but scream 'NO!' at the loss of his touch and his lips.

Breathing heavily I look at him

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I just wanted to make you understand you are not to blame for what I did. That it was me, all me, for being so cowardly trying to take –"

But the words where pushed back down throat as he suddenly grabs me around the neck pulling me into him again and crushing our lips together, this time with much bigger force than the first kiss.

His lips were moving against mine hungrily. Like he was finally satisfying a craving he has had for months. His other arm had folded around my middle and he was pulling me into him like he couldn't bare a single breath of air between our bodies.

It took my brain a few seconds again before it pushed my heart back into its place and took control of me again. Pushing away from him with as much force as I could it was me who took a step back this time.

"Brandon we can't" was all I could get out as I was trying to catch my breath and calm my racing heart.

"Fuck" he cursed as he looks over to me.

He was still looking at me with that hunger in his eyes and before I could stop myself I said the one thing I knew would kill that look.

"You are marring Claire. You cannot go around kissing me."

As the words left my lips I could see the hunger being replaced with a look of utter shock. So I turned on my heels and headed back to the golf cart forgetting all about the lions.