You're Driving Me Crazy - Phan

Chapter 7

In his unthinking haze his brain still knew not to cut his wrists in case his sleeves failed him. Beginning to feel uncomfortable with how well he knew how to hide cuts, Phil looked sadly at his forearm. Unfortunately, cutting your forearm also happened to have a downside. It was in the exact grabbing area for the 'fuck dude you were about to walk in front of a car' situation which, in Phil's case anyway, was normally swiftly followed by the 'wait, why did you wince? Should I confront you or let it slide?' situation. Self harm seemed to cause more pain then it was worth. Sighing at the way his thoughts worked, Phil lifted himself off the bed which in response let out a chuffed creek.

"Morning dear, sleep well? We didn't see you at all last night!" Still faffing around the kitchen, his mum smiled sweetly at him. Phil's mum was far from stupid and Phil himself was bitterly aware of that. He tried to look innocent and sweet as he lied through his teeth, "I was just really tired last night, it was a long day and I just fell asleep straight away." It wasn't entirely false but it was definitely a terrible lie surrounding the part truth. Phil had never been amazing at lying as once you noticed his telltale signs of lack of eye contact and a twitching smile, he was easy to catch out. "Alright then love." His mother gave him one of her best I'm-your-mum-of-course-I-know-you-are-lying smiles. Phil nodded gratefully at her, pleased she hadn't pressed the matter further. Standing over the kettle, Phil happily made tea for himself before sitting at the table. He was extremely aware of the myriad of questions he was about to be pelted with. As he expected, five minuets later his mum sat down opposite him with her own cup of tea and two bacon sandwiches. "I know it's hard Phil but you must try and eat dear. There's sauce in the cupboard." Listening to his mum, Phil got ketchup out the cupboard and ate his food. Of course, not without pain and effort but he knew it would never be easy though. His mother sat opposite him, staring him down in the politest way possible. "You should speak to him sweetheart. You know he's not particularly good on his own but you, without something or someone to occupy your time you can be very, well, not particularly good either." At least the woman was being gentle with him. In all honesty Phil was expecting to be told how stupid he had been then asked a lot of questions about what exactly the stupid thing he had done was. He looked at his mother then back down at his plate. Everything around him felt familiar yet he felt oddly out of place. The situation wasn't too unfamiliar but he had definitely never ran off from Dan before. That's when Phil realised the problem. He wasn't supposed to be at his mum's house, it wasn't his own and it certainly wasn't where he belonged. He had his own flat with his own bacon, his own ketchup but most of all his own human to hassle him with sensible ideas while cooking said bacon. He needed to go home. Screw mums and their logical, caring ways, why couldn't they just been wrong for once. After a few more moments of silence and even less bites of his sandwich, Phil knew he had to go home. "Thanks mum, I should really message Dan now though." He smiled at his mum before excusing himself and walking back to his old room, mustn't live in the past. The stairs sensed his realisation and creaked in agreement. The door did the same, but that could possibly just need oiling. Next came the hard part though.

After ten agonizing minuets of trying to come up with what to say to Dan, Phil gave in. Instead of going off on a rant with seemingly meaningless apologies and sugar coated letters, he settled for a more simple and casual approach. As good as sugar coated letters may sound, they can be extremely dangerous.

Im sorry that i ran off sulking. Coming home now though. How r u?

It was straight to the point, short and simple. Phil read it over both in his head and out loud until he'd convinced himself that it was the right thing to send. He just had to wait for a response. He didn't have time to sit and stare at his phone like he wanted to do as his mum had (rather cleverly) bought him train tickets already. Still though, he was looking at it for long enough to start thinking the worst. Dan hadn't replied. It wasn't that unusual but they'd had a fight and Phil had walked out, he'd expected Dan to be jumping at the chance to talk again. Maybe it was just proof that Dan s isn't need him.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

A train. Trains have many problems like all public transport but yet there is something so calming about them. The quiet little trains that chug along for miles with out an interruption. It's rather calming and a great place to think. All the best things happen on trains like the origins of Harry Potter, being solemnly written but holding no hint of the future those words held. People find love on trains, they are taken to their love by trains, they are robbed at gun point by people on trains. Well okay, maybe not the last one but everything has a bad side. Back to Phil's journey. One point really rang true, he was being take to his love by a train. It's much less dangerous then a plane anyway but more importantly, cheaper. Soon Phil would be with Dan and Phil would shuffle off the train among businessmen and angry single parents. He wouldn't bother look around for Dan, knowing he wouldn't be waiting for him but then someone would catch his eye and they'd run into each other's arms surrounded by the same businessmen and angry single parents but none of them would matter. It would be only Dan and Phil in the world. Or, Phil would simply shuffle off the train into a cab, stop off to collect a takeaway then arrive home soaking wet because the cab driver hadn't waited for him to collect the takeaway. Slightly less romantic but much more British. See, trains are clearly the best place to think.

As it turned out, the second thought came true. But luckily, Phil was soon walking into his (and Dan's) apartment dripping wet with a white carrier bag in one hand and his travel bag in the other. "Dan!" He called out optimistically. That's when Phil was knocked out of his own world and hit by reality. Someone was screaming. He dropped the bags in the corridor without giving them a second thought. Running into the lounge Phil saw the unexpected. Actually, that's a lie. He saw exactly what he was expecting to see, a broken man trapped in his own reality.

"Dan? Dan! Oh fuck. Um. Dan? Look at me okay? Shit. Shit shit shit. Alright hang on, sit up for me. It's me, Phil. Dan focus on me." Dan continued screaming for some time before even the snivelling paused and Dan's breathing settled.

Looking in at the scene at that point, anyone would think it to be adorable. Yet beyond a young man holding his sleeping partner on the settee was a much darker, sinister scene no one else could imagine.