You're Driving Me Crazy - Phan

Chapter 15

At home, Dan sat patiently waiting for his so called boyfriend to come home. Or maybe ex-boyfriend now, he hadn't quite decided yet. The house stood still with him almost as if it was trying to be comforting. Brick buildings aren't particularly known for being comforting for a reason. Inside he felt cold and alone. Phil, the man he had entrusted his life with had been kissing another man and didn't even seem to care. He let Dan walk away so he could stay flirting with a stranger. There Dan was thinking their relationship could get back on track. After about forty minutes of sitting in silence, Dan heard the front door opened softly followed by gentle footsteps then the kitchen door being opened. Time to confront Phil.

Phil walked cautiously through the apartment in a futile attempt to stay hidden. He'd never felt so scared in his life but who's fault was that? His stomach growled loudly at him while he shut the front door. As silently as he could, he walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. Apparently, it wasn't quite quiet enough. "Phil, are you home?" Shit. Phil just had to stay calm and apologize responsibly. Who was he kidding? Dan was going to kill him slowly and painfully in his sleep. Plucking up the courage to speak, he walked in the direction Dan's voice had come from.

"Hi," Phil muttered.
"Hello." Well, at least Phil wasn't getting the silent treatment.
"I, well I-" Phil stuttered. Dan ran his hand over his face.
"Phil, what happened last night?" For a brief moment, Phil thought that maybe Dan had been too drunk to remember. Lying would be hard but if he looked convincing enough maybe, just maybe Phil could make the whole thing disappear. Phil prepared himself to lie before he saw Dan's face. He looked at him properly. Dan remembered what happened, he just wanted Phil to tell him his side of it. "Dan I don't know what else I can tell you."
"You can tell me exactly what you did last night and why the hell you thought it would be appropriate." Tears were building up in the corners of Dan's eyes but Phil didn't want to say anything.
"Please, let's not do this. We both know what I did. I'm not proud of it, in fact, I hate myself for it. I let down the one person who means something to me, the person I love but I've ruined everything and I know that. Please, Dan let me leave with some dignity."
"Leave?" For a split second, Dan's face drifted from angry to confused.
"Aren't you going to kick me out? I had sex with another man!" He cried.
"Stop, I don't want to know." Dan began to look scared. He took a step back from Phil as surreptitiously as he could.
"You were eager for me to tell you a moment ago," Phil said questioningly.
"Yeah? Well, I've changed my mind. I don't want to know and I don't want you in the flat for a while." Well, that was a bit sudden.
"Dan, can I explain? Please let-" He was cut off by Dan's pleading again.
"Phil I don't fucking care anymore please just stop." The tears finally left Dan's eyes in order to trickle down his red cheeks.
"Dan please just let me speak! I got drunk Dan! I thought you know what, for once I'm going to lose control for a while and I did. I got drunk and I kissed a guy and he took me home." Both Dan and Phil had slightly erratic breathing but they still stayed there watching each other. "Dan?" Before Phil had the chance to say anything more, Dan hit him. It wasn't a gentle thing, it was definitely going to leave a bruise.

His cheek stung but was only acting as a background to what just happened. Phil wasn't exactly sure how to react. Backing off slowly, he gave an apologetic look toward Dan before leaving for his room. Why he did that he'd never know but it seemed right at the time. Phil sat in front of his bedroom door and breathed heavily. "Okay, okay calm down Phil. Did that really just happen?" He sat contemplating it, pressing his hand to where Dan had hit him. It wasn't that much of an issue if Dan never did anything like it again but Phil saw Dan's expression afterward. He looked... cold. If Dan never did it again Phil would forgive him but he was scared. Knowing about Dan's dad didn't put his mind at rest one bit. What if Dan was like him? "Stop it Phil. Dan isn't like him. I love Dan and he's not going to hurt me. I hurt him. I hurt him and he was angry. That is all." But Phil couldn't help it. Something in the back of his mind was telling him to run.

Shit. Tears silently slipped down Dan's cheeks. Now they'd both completely messed up everything. What scared Dan the most though was how much it reminded him of someone. "No, no I'm not like him. I'm not I promise." Dan began to cry properly. He sobbed, coughing and crying, generally looking and sounding like a mess. He was just like his father. He had hit Phil and there was no going back. "No, Phil no, please. Please just wait please." Dan leaned back against the door and repeated the same few words over and over again. His mind was flying. Everything was coated in a layer of tears and he couldn't think straight. Phil clearly wasn't going to walk back in but Dan kept repeating the same words over and over anyway. Unfortunately, he was right. Phil kept himself hidden in his room and as time passed, Dan had convinced himself that Phil would never leave his room again.

As tears continued to fall, Dan saw a familiar face approaching him. It was definitely not the right time."You're such an idiot Dan. I told you that you couldn't have Phil and I was right. Daniel, you are incapable of holding a relationship with anyone for more than a day. I must admit though, I am very very proud of you for lasting so long with Phil. I might even get you a prize." He smiled warmly at Dan.
"Don't bother Lewis, I have more important things than you to worry about"
"Give up Dan, you've lost him. Just accept that and move on. You still have me and that's all that matters right?"
"I've ruined it, Lewis, I'm just like him."
"Don't be so nice to yourself. your father would never start crying afterward. He wasn't weak like you are."
"Thanks for the support."
"My pleasure."