band aids ↠ joshler ✔

n i n e

1 year and 6 months

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"what if i do like tyler, huh? what if- if he likes me too, and we do start to date? i don't have to explain,"

"josh," schizo cut him off, "you-"

"i know! i know what i did! and i don't regret it, alright? she was abusing tyler. she deserved it. but if tyler and i do, you know, date or anything, maybe i just don't have to mention that i was the one to... you know."

"and you wouldn't feel any guilt?"

"not if it was for his own good."

"elaborate."

"what d'you mean? if i tell him, i think- i think he would take it too hard, and it would hurt him. he didn't even realize he was being abused, he just thought it was discipline. he wouldn't understand why i did it."

"you would have no problem keeping this big of a secret from tyler, who you'd like to be your boyfriend?"

"didn't we have this conversation already?" josh asked, annoyed, "aren't we supposed to be here to talk about my murderous tendencies or something?"

schizo adjusted her tie, "would you rather talk about that?"

josh groaned, "i'd rather not talk at all."

"well," schizo said, "we do have about twenty minutes left."

"the perfect amount of time for a nap, then."

"joshua,"

"fine. what, then? and it's just josh."

"you need to talk. we have twenty minutes left, tell me how you feel."

"feel what? this place drains you of any emotion whatsoever."

"is that why you're clinging to tyler?"

"... what?"

"you just said it, this place drains you of emotion. tyler brings you emotion. is that why he's always on your mind, or is it because he's the only interesting thing in your life as of now?"

"what? no, that's not why i like tyler- you don't get it. you don't live like we do. you actually have a family to go home to, and a house, and you're off on fridays and tuesdays."

"true, i don't live like you," schizo agreed, "but i know what it's like to be mentally detached."

"because you look at a pen and hear f sharp?" josh said, annoyance present in his tone.

"no-" she stated, lowering her clipboard, "that's synesthesia. i have schizophrenia."

"oh." josh mumbled, embarrassingly re-adjusting himself in the chair. "i always confused those two."

"that's alright. joshua-"

"it's just josh."

"joshua, i'm on a lot of medications, and carry out a lot of self-help strategies." she explained, "i'm working to fix my problems. you're not. you're making up excuses."

"what are you even talking about! that doesn't even have anything to do with what we were-"

"joshua, stop yelling."

"i'm not yelling."

schizo raised an eyebrow at him.

"what problems do i even have, huh? yeah, i killed a few people,whoo, but is my brain really so messed up i need daily therapy?"