DREAM ACADEMY (COMPLETED)

Chapter 32: DÉJÀ VU

I can't even move. I was dumbfounded. Hindi 'to totoo diba? Nananaginip lang ako. Someone slap me. Someone wake me up! I must've fallen asleep.

But this pain that i'm feeling in my chest is just too painful to be a dream.

I shut my eyes tightly then pinched my right arm. I'm not dreaming. It's real and it's really happening.

I turned around. I walked as fast as i could. Away from them. Away from the hurtful truth. I never really thought that joao could do this to me. He made me imagine being married to him. He actually told the four other boys that he wants to marry me. Papunta na nga ng kasal 'di ba? Tapos ganito? Ano 'to? Anong nangyayare? Hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi ko gets eh.

Déjà vu?

I've been cheated before. It's not a nice feeling. It's deceiving. It will make you question a lot of things about yourself.

Am I not enough?

Not pretty enough?

Did I love him enough?

Anong kulang?

Kasi kung may kulang, he should've told me. Ibibigay ko naman eh. He should've asked for it.

May mali?

Kung may mali, sana sinabi niya para naman naitama ko.

May nakasulat ba sa noo ko na "cheat on me?" Kasi kung meron, buburahin ko.

This is the second time. Alam yun ni joao. That raymond cheated on me. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he need to repeat the fvcking history??

I've been betrayed by the one i trust the most. The one person that i least expect to hurt me.

Ano yun? Mahal niya ako pero hindi ako sapat? That boys will be boys? That it's their natural nature na mambabae? 'Di ba lagi nilang sinasabi yan? Na kahit mambabae daw sila, iisang babae lang daw ang mahal nila.

Tanginang yan! Hindi ko kasi magets yan. Cheating is cheating and it should not be tolerated. Nobody deserves to be cheated on.

Nobody ever deserve to feel this low.

Hindi ko na maintindihan. I don't understand anything anymore. Things just don't connect. The puzzle pieces are scattered all over the place. Nothing seems to make sense to me.

I am in deep pain right now. My heart has been torn into pieces. It has been smashed. Hammered. Burned into ashes. It hurts. I just want to disappear. To wake up from this bad dream.

I don't even know where i'm going. My feet are just dragging me somewhere as if they have a mind of their own.

I leaned against the wall. I suddenly feel so weak and tired. Lahat ng pagod ngayon ko naramdaman.

Nakakapagod masaktan.

Bawal ba talaga ako sumaya? Bakit sa tuwing sumasaya ako binabawi din agad?

Ayaw ko na. Tama na. Hindi pa ba sapat yung dati?

Heartache naman eh. Tantanan mo na ko. Hayaan mo naman akong sumaya.