The new MockingJay

And so it begins

It was a day like any other. The crickets chirping the wind howling and the moonlight shining down on the land. It was a normal night for most people but not for me. Most people don't have post  dramatic stress or horrible nightmares that leave them screaming, but Finnick never leaves and always makes me feel better. Annie and Finnick live in an extension built off of our house now knowing that I shouldn't be left alone. "How'd you sleep?" He asked as he always did the morning after I had a nightmare. "Horrible as always." I replied. I hated my life I was never the same after the reaping. It was time for my victory tour in the morning and that meant not seeing Finnick for 12 whole days which meant I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep. I wanted to spend as much time with him before I left. "Would you like to go to the creek?" He raised an eyebrow and answered as he stuck out his arm. "I'd be honoured." I giggled as we walked to the soft blue creek with the long green grass bed behind it. This is where it all started with Finnick and I only almost a year ago we sat here right before the reaping but it feels so much shorter. Like it was just yesterday that I got nervous about the games and made a new friend or got reaped for the games. I always wondered if Finnick would ever leave me. That I was to much to handle or something. That I was like a responsible not the girl he loved. Thinking about this made tears well up in the corners of my eyes.
"Whats on your mind." He looked at me probably seeing me staring off into space and the glimmer of tear beginning to come out of my eye. "Oh it's nothing." I said trying to cover up my tears. I decided to walk away I never really understood why I did this. Why I would distance my self and shut everyone out when ever I felt like this. I didn't understand why Finnick liked me. I'm unbearable he deserves to be with someone who is stable and can learn to take care of them selves and not depend on someone to make all the nightmares go away. Or who shuts him out and is selfish he deserves someone that could cherish his love and not throw it away like I was doing. I heard him banning on the door and I instantly felt bad. I opened and looked down to my feet and apologized for my behavior. He always told me. "Oh it's ok." Or "You shouldn't be sorry." When in reality I should he didn't deserve this. I sit on my bed regretting all the decisions I've ever made. I never wanted this I knew life was unfair but I never thought it could get this bad. I decided to tell Finnick how I felt today so he could think about it when I was gone. "Finnick?" He turned to me. "Ya?" I frowned. "Do you ever think that I'm just not right for you? That I'm too much work. That I'll never get better and I'll only drag you down." He cut me off and started to speak. "I promised you something I would stay with you forever always." I wanted to smile but I was still frowning. "Did you say that because I'm a damaged young woman. Or because you meant it." He hesitated to answer and I knew it I was just being treated for being as fragile as I was his whole love for me was an act and I didn't know how I didn't see it before. I grabbed a pice of paper and a pen and before I knew it I ran out of the house crying how could of this have happened I wanted to go to the creek but I couldn't it reminded me of Finnick. I decided to run to the meadow a place I hope would calm me. I write the note and stuck it to the door and ran back to the meadow it read. "Dearest family I have decided to leave for a while if not forever I don't know if I'll ever be coming back. I know you might miss me but this is for my own well being. I'm so deeply sorry for leaving so soon without telling you. I will be going on the victory tour but will be skipping district 12. After that I will find my own place and live on my own. I'll be ok don't worry. Love -Prim." I cried and went to the train. I was the first one on wanting to avoid seeing them at the train station not wanting to change my mind. Effie and Haymitch pile in along with Gale and it was almost time to leave. I saw them my parents, Jay, Annie, and even Finnick in a dark blue blanket with sunglasses on at the train station looking for me but I didn't want to say goodbye. "Arn't you going to say goodbye to your folks or your boyfriend?" Says Haymitch with a cocky look. "He's not my boyfriend and he never will be." I add waking in to my room.