Project 1975

/ dont you mind

It had been a whirlwind of occassions. First was Lilian's birthday, which we celebrated along side few of work mates from hers and from mine and also from Wes' work. Another, which is happening this coming Saturday, was the small gig for The 1975. I was thrilled actually..

I havent watched them live. Remember I ditched the festival a month ago. And now was my actual chance to see them perform live. It wasnt a very big performance, just a small one for this old music pub they used to play in regularly. Of course Lily wanted to come, in which Matty agreed to.

I was nervous this time. I may have loosened up a bit, making friends with the whole band and all.. but the fact that maybe his girlfriend would be there makes me feel uneasy. She seemed like a really nice person, but maybe there's something about me that she doesnt like.. or whatever. I looked at myself in mirrors more often lately and I sort of flinch when I see myself.

No, Im not ugly. Or am I pretty. I just see myself as someone who's so basic and so.. normal. I didnt seem to fit into any status quo. I was plain and boring. I myself, bore myself.

*

The night came faster than expected. I was inside Lily's room, as she dug through her closet for something "nice" for me to wear. She doesnt normally do this, but she told me to dress for the occassion. I repeatedly declined her, but she got through and I shrugged it off.

I told her I was only there to take photos and nothing more, and Im sure the boys dont mind me wearing jeans and a shirt. But she insisted in me wearing something else besides shirts and jeans. It didnt matter to me now. Or so I thought. Deep down inside it did matter. I didnt want to look plain infront of them this time. I wanted to look decent and maybe, just maybe.. pretty.

We settled for this dress, where I wore some thights underneath and my usual footwear. I didnt feel too bad about it. It was black, it's not trashy, and it seemed to fit me very well. So I gave myself a final twirl infront of the mirror and started off.

*

The bar, was packed. It was just how I imagined it. We didnt go thru the front though, it was so crowded in that area. Matty gave me passes the day before, and I was glad he did because I am not going through heaps of people carrying my cameras. Me and Lilian were greeted by the ever so charming Adam in the back, together with George who was gearing up for their performance tonight.

You know that feeling when they're all getting worked up, fixing things and getting dressed. People just running around to fix everything and have everything good to go when they go up that stage and perform. It was so thrilling. I love the adrenaline this event is giving me, I could feel the excitement running through me like bolts of electricity.

But that all went downhill when Matty emerged from no where all clad in his usual ensemble of black, and a very beautiful Gemma by his side. They looked so adorable together. It drives me mad inside, the envy that burns through me is insane. I didnt want to stay for too long around him. I made it clear to myself I would only take pictures, edit them and finish this.

It was too late though, as he once again smiled and stalked towards me. His arms dislatching themselves away from Gemma. His hand reached for my shoulder and he tapped it. "good to see you, Jamie" he smiled at me and there goes my goosebumps. I didnt dare look at him straight in the eye so I looked elsewhere. "I should set up" I said and he tapped my shoulder again in recognition.

Gemma bumped shoulders with me and I was almost stunned when she did. It wasnt like she did it to hurt me, but she did it as a gesture for me to look at her. She smiled and my mouth almost hung open "good luck" she said and with that she was back to Matty who was lighting a cigarette. I dont know what it meant but I shook it off.

*

The live music was so different. So amazing. I swear it felt like I was in a high. I stood just a few meters away from them, and I took so much shots. I smiled whenever Matty would bob his head to their music, whenever he sways his body to the beat and when he turns around to give me a quick glance. I was happy. I would never imagine myself to be here but now Im here.. taking pictures for them and jamming to their music live.

Lilian had been screaming along with their fans. It was such a crammed bar. I could never imagine that so much people could fit inside this small building. I had to take shots of them too. Im so glad people are finally recognizing them, people actually get this.. The 1975.

*

Their gig finished late that same night. Lilian was still high in adrenaline and chatted with Ross and George. I however was busy rolling up some of the negative film I used up. Adam helped me with it, which was really sweet of him. I declined his offer at first, because Im pretty sure his fingers are so tired from all the adlibs he did.. but he insisted.

We were finishing up the last piece of roll when someone wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I felt goosebumps all over my body as I felt his breath on my neck "had fun tonight?" Matty asks and I nodded my head almost robotically. "yea.." I sqeaked and he laughed almost enchantingly. He released me from his grasp and looked at me "you guys should probably come with us.. we always have beer after a gig." he invites and Lilian was fast to catch up and jumped in excitement.

"yea! we prolly should, that sounds absolutely great." she says and Matty smiles "but we gotta make sure Jamie here doesnt drink to much.." he said and I almost forgot about that encounter. I cant believe he still remembers that.

*

We arrived in George's flat. Jessie was there with the drinks and everyone was having a really good time, talking and laughing. I felt so happy. To be in this environment, surrounded by my favorite band and friends. Its such a great experience. I dont mind this happening to me all the time if I get to be with them and get to know them better, behind the camera and all.

George was a great cook, he cooked us some amazing late dinner and Ross was something different. He wasnt so quiet after having a few more drinks and threw jokes here and there. Adam as well. Matty was his usual self, together with Gemma that entire night until she needed to go and he drove her home.

The night was coming to an end when Adam insisted that he would drive us home, and we happily accepted it. The drive home was quiet and I almost fell asleep if it werent for Adam shaking me violently like he was mad. He and I ended up laughing however and he wished us a good night and he drove off into the night.

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sorry not so much happening here but I will try updating regularly >< x pattyy