Bal: two different worlds

Love

*as promised Ben returned later that day, expecting to find Mal in the nursery with Mason but that was not what he returned to, he found her hidden away with something in her hands, she clearly didn't hear him coming because he managed to get all the way up behind her and get a quickly glimpse at what she was holding before she realise he was there and immediately hid it*
Mal: you're sneaking up on me?
Ben: I didn't mean to.....Mal, you don't have to hide that from me
Mal: yes I do
Ben: she's your mother, I'm not going to be angry that you're looking at a picture of her
Mal: what if I can't do this?
Ben: what?
Mal: what if I can't be a mother?
Ben: why would you think that?
Mal: I don't feel like I'm supposed to, I don't know what to do, I don't have a single instinct other than to be sorry, I don't know how to do anything! I....
*she cut herself off, not sure what to say, whether to say it or remain silent*
Ben: what? You what?
Mal: I don't know how to love them....
*her voice barely above a whisper as tears began falling from her eyes, he swiftly lifted her up before sitting in the chair she'd been in and sitting her in his lap, allowing her to lay against his chest*
Ben: oh babe, why didn't you say anything?
Mal: I didn't realise it until earlier, I was sat with him, and it wasn't like it should be and I just couldn't help but think, I don't know how to love a child because I was a child who wasn't loved
*he took a moment to process all her rambling but then it all clicked*
Ben: you learnt to love me, it's not a huge leap
Mal: it's different you loved me first, if you get what I mean, you showed me how, I learnt it from how you loved me, she didn't love me, to this day she doesn't, I have nothing to learn from, I don't know how
Ben: why do you think you're doing it wrong
Mal: the dragons curse
Ben: what?
Mal: have I ever told you the story of my mother sceptre, the dragons eye, when me and the others had to retrieve it from the isle of the doomed?
Ben: I don't think so
Mal: okay well, I'll tell you the full story one day perhaps, but basically, it was cursed, whoever touched it first would sleep for a thousand years
Ben: okayyyyy
Mal: I was going to get Evie to touch it but at the last minute I couldn't, I touched it, I cursed myself
Ben: what? But you're not asleep for a thousand years
Mal: is blood of the dragon remember? Therefore I'm immune to the dragons curse, by it did knock me out, while I was out I saw it, what happened the day my mother cursed Aurora, the only time I've ever seen a mother's love for her baby, the way Aurora's mother couldn't look away from her daughter, the way she looked at her, you could see the love she felt, what if I wasn't just afraid of losing one of them and that's why I couldn't attach, what if I just didn't want to? And now I can't connect with them like I'm supposed to because I didn't want to before?
*it was a very extravagant explanation, he was rather confused just hearing it, although he did understand what she was saying, he didn't agree with it, he understood it*
Ben: Mal not every mother is the same
Mal: I know but I just feel so underwhelmed, it's like I'm supposed to feel so much more than I do and I'm scared that that makes me a bad mother
Ben: not everything happens immediately
Mal: I've said I love them and I want to mean it but I don't know if I do, because I don't know what it feels like
Ben: I know you mean it
Mal: how?
Ben: because of how much everything we went through with them while you were pregnant broke you, and the desperation and frustration you had when they were born and we couldn't see her, you may not know how to show your love when you're thinking about it baby but you're a natural? You just don't realise when you're doing it, I imagine your mother wouldn't have cared if something bad had happened to you, the thought of it happening to one of ours even before they were even here was destroying you, if that's not a mother love for her child then I don't know what is
Mal: I want to love them with everything I have, I just don't know how, I don't know what it feels like
Ben: in time you'll know
Mal: I hope so
Ben: I know so
*she looks back at the picture prompting him to as well, it was a picture of maleficent holding a baby which he presumed was Mal, she didn't seem to be aware the picture was being taken, that might be why she looked almost happy, it looked as though she was holding back a very small smile, he was convinced that somewhere deep down in Maleficent's heart she cared for her daughter at least a tiny bit, he just could never understand how a parent could not, it was an innocence Mal both loved and envied about him, she hoped her children would only even know that even though she was almost certain that would not be the case, he however had just had an Indra that might give Mal some more confidence or solace or at least something....he hoped*

----------------------------------------------

Sorry it's been so long guys, I was a little stuck and working on a new book which kept me busy but I've been rereading the isle of the lost for like the 10th time and it gave me some new ideas to tie in with some old storylines from the book, as I speak I've just had a rather dramatic idea lol so perhaps I'll try and slot that in somewhen xoxo