Bal: two different worlds

Darling

*he rushed to get to his car, one thing he'd made sure to do himself was install the car seats, with a bit of aid from people who actually knew what three were doing of course, he hadn't even thought there was a point to doing it, where would they be going? But it was one of those things he felt like father's were supposed to do, normal fathers anyway and that was what he strived for, he desperately wanted to be normal despite knowing he was everything but, this was all flooding back to him in a torrent of memories as he attempted to get both twins into their car seats, it was times like right now he could see being a problem when you had two young children, he managed it get them in as hurriedly as he could while still being careful, they were fast asleep very soon after he started driving, which was nice, but it left him to contemplate what he may find when he arrived at his grandfather's home, he could only imagine the worst, he understood why she'd run but he couldn't help thinking all this had been a bit excessive, it left doubt in his mind about how this would go, they'd been working together to get to a good point for so long, he looked through the mirror to the two infants who were both sound asleep in their car seats, the beauty of their peacefulness, they deserved to never understand any of the suffering their parents had endured, when he finally arrived the apprehension he maintained, not wanting to see her in a state, it hurt him to see her like that and it worried him to know she would be broken that easily, he knew they'd face many more challenges in the years to come and if she would be broken now then he feared how she would fare in the future, earlier that day she'd told him how lonely she felt sometimes but right now he felt more lonely than ever, she'd isolated herself so much throughout the whole time he'd known her, it was lonely for him as well, he loved her but he hated being shut out all the time, the truth was that had been why he'd been so detached from her during the pregnancy, it had all become so disjointed and he hadn't known what to do, but now he had two beautiful kids with the love of his life and every single time he looked at heir children he fell more in love with her just by looking at the kids they had made together, that grew inside her for all those months, that she brought into this world for him and everything in between, that made it worse, that the daughter who more his love for her grow had just inadvertently caused her quite a bit of emotional hurt completely by accident, the infant had been scared by someone unfamiliar to her, that was no ones fault, but Ben suspected that may also be a part of it, she felt guilty that she, in her mind, hadn't been present enough in those first days of her daughter's life, again not of her own accord, he just hoped this could be sorted out and they could put all these things to bed so they could just settle into parenthood as simply as possible, he arrived to be greeted by his grandfather who helped him take the kids inside before even a word was said, they finally had everything settled Maurice said nothing but just gestured to the stairs and Ben immediately knew where he'd find her, Maurice nodded to Ben to signal that he'd watch the twins and that was all Ben needed, one deep breath later and he was heading up the stairs, then across the hall and then standing outside the door to the room that had once been his mother's which Maurice now kept for his grandson to stay in when visiting, he knocked on the door but after receiving no response he decided he had to just go in, at first glance he couldn't see her but then he noticed her purple locks just sticking out above the far side of the bed that they had shared all that time ago now, he walked around slowly, not trying to just rush and throw himself at her, he knew his wife well enough to know how to approach her, he came around the bed but she didn't look up so he just sat down against the wall, now he could get a better look he saw her sat with her legs as close to her chest as she could get them, her arms resting against her knees and her hands gripping at her hair, she was visibility upset but he knew he had to wait for her to be ready to speak to him, they sat in silence until she finally looked up at him*
Mal: you weren't supposed to follow me
Ben: well I wasn't just gonna leave you to run off was I?
Mal: why?
Ben: you know why
Mal: why do you even care? I don't get it? What's the point? Why do you bother with me?
Ben: because I love you, because you're worth it
Mal: how?! I just keep screwing up! I'm a mess, I'm useless, I just keep leaving people in my wake
Ben: maybe you're right, maybe you're a total mess, maybe you've screwed up
Mal: what?
Ben: but we all screw up you know? You're a frustratingly confusing and perplexing girl, even now you're still a complete mystery to me, you're so complex. Every time I think I've got the measure of you everything I know is turned upside down and I find a completely new level to you, every wall I tear down I seem to find ten more being built around you, your defence mechanisms to push me away drive me insane but for some reason all of this leaves me more and more in love with you, it's maddening, you're maddening but I keep on needing to come back for more

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WHY THIS TOOK SO LONG IS BEYOND ME BECAUSE I WAS SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS?! WHAT EVEN IS LIFEEEE, but also if you don't read that last line and hear rock bottom by Hailee Steinfeld then idek what to say about that 😂😂 xoxo