Bal: two different worlds

Forgive

*as Ben had hoped Mal found herself in the place she'd been avoiding until now, she was so nervous and couldn't figure out why, this kid had no idea about anything that happened and unless she and Ben chose to tell her she probably never would, even if it ended up coming out, what difference would it make? Her daughter wouldn't hold it against her, why couldn't she just let it go?, it was the past, everyone was okay, but it was still one of the most nerve wracking things she had ever done to walk through the door hat lead to the room where she found Bella, small and perfect just as she'd remembered, a beautiful little angel, but then she looked past her daughters precious little face to all the wires surrounding her, the IV, all the other ones which she was at a loss to explain, the incubator she was in, it hurt her, she couldn't help but feel responsible, Bella was so tiny and helpless, she was her mother and she couldn't protect her, she turned quickly when a voice came from behind her*
Belle: she's really beautiful
Mal: oh uh, thanks
Belle: how are you?
Mal: uh, I'm okay
Belle: now how are you really?
Mal: ummm
Belle: it's okay to not feel great about it yet, no one will judge you if that how you feel
Mal: I don't know how I feel
Belle: that's okay too, it's new, you've never been a mother before, if you knew what you were doing or how you were feeling right now I'd be rather shocked
Mal: how did you do it? How did you know what you were feeling?
Belle: I didn't, for the first few days with Ben I had absolutely no idea whether I was up or down or what, I was so lost in everything
Mal: but you figured it out
Belle: I did, in time
Mal: I can't see that
Belle: you mean what's around her?
Mal: yeah
Belle: why?
Mal: I don't know
Belle: really?
*for a second Mal thought about it, she knew full well what the answer to that question was but she felt like she couldn't say it, like admitting it was wrong*
Mal: I feel guilty, it's my fault, she was relying on my and I didn't do enough
Belle: there was nothing you could do, you did your best in a bad situation, you got through it and she's safe
Mal: but what if there was something more I could've done?
Belle: Mal, what do you see when you look at her?
Mal: a beautiful little girl
Belle: what else, what does she remind you of? It's why you can't look
Mal: I put her there
*now with tears in her eyes Mal could finally release everything she'd built up inside herself which was trying to break her, Belle pulled her into her arms and the hug was the most reassuring thing she'd had, she couldn't figure out why but something about the fact it was Belle telling her all this made it feel so much more comforting*
Belle: you didn't put her here, it was just one of those things that happen, I know it's hard not to blame yourself, when it's your child you feel responsible for everything but you have to learn that sometimes things are just out of your control
Mal: how can I deal with that?
Belle: I'm still trying to work that one out, but I do know that you cannot keep blaming yourself, she needs you, all that matters is you being there
Mal: thank you
Belle: I'm always here if you need to talk, just remember, if it feels a bit strange right now it'll settle down, you'll get there, it's all new to you, just hold onto every second, before you know it they're all grown up
*that was when Mal began to truly understand why she and Belle always seemed to be at odds, the twins were days old and she already didn't want to share them with anyone*
Mal: he'll always be son
*clearly caught by surprise belle is taken aback for a moment before finally composing herself fully once again*
Belle: thank you for making him so happy
Mal: thank you for letting me
Belle: you gonna get your fire back?
Mal: I'm working on it
Belle: he loves your spunk
Mal: I can't figure out why
Belle: they've always said he's like me, I guess he likes that in you just as much as I do in his father
*she noticed she'd lost Mal's attention as she'd be caught by her daughter waking up, Belle couldn't help smiling a little*
Belle: I'll leave you two alone
Mal: thank you again
Belle: of course
*Belle gave her one quick hug and then left Mal alone with her daughter, who she found she could finally look at and not see her own so called failure*

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I have two more chapters finished and ready to post because I wrote this bit in the wrong order cuz I was so excited to write the next bits 😂😂 xoxo