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Where is Home?

Stepping into my old home felt strange. It was like I was in a totally new place and I didn't really recognize my surroundings. There wasn't much left, seeing as how I took most of my clothes and I didn't own a lot of pointless things anyhow.

The surfaces were dusty and my plants were dying. Yuki would have my head for letting the plants die. I felt bad for them, seeing as how I had been too busy to take care of them and allowed them to be neglected. I wondered if anyone else felt that way with my recent absence.

Of course, when I thought of it, there weren't too many people that were commonly seeking my company. I was normally by myself when I wasn't working under his majesty. I found it quite humorous myself to know that if I went through with this whole thing, it would be me that would be above him.

But did I really want to be above him like that? It scared me to death, in all honesty. Pride be damned when it came to that because I was in no way cut out to be royalty. I had a feeling that I would fuck up majorly in the first ten minutes and then have my head cut off.

I shook my head, tired from all of the constant nagging going on recently and sat down on my couch. I loved my couch because it was soft and comfortable, but now even it felt foreign. My home didn't feel like a home to me anymore. My pictures, the very few of them, all seemed out of place and wrong. The stack of papers on my coffee table made me feel like I was in someone else's home. My home wasn't my home.

I didn't understand what it was that I was feeling, but it scared me. I expected to have that feeling of relief that you get when you've been away on a trip for a while and then you're finally home. I expected to be put at ease, but instead I was actually put more on edge about everything.

This place would no longer be considered my home in a short period of time. I would no longer be a normal person floating through life until I reached my final days. I would never live a life that I seen myself living. It's been a long time since I've felt out of place at the one place I wanted to be.

"Are you okay?" a voice asked as I stared out of the window above my bed. I turned to my left and seen someone that could almost pass as myself rubbing his eye sleepily. I simply nodded and looked back to the winow where the soft white was falling to the ground gracefully.

I felt him crawl onto the bed beside me and he laid on top of me in the most overdramatic way possible. I couldn't help but smile as he nuzzled his head under my chin and sighed contentedly.

"I could tell you weren't sleeping because my dreams weren't very good. I didn't have you to fight off the bad ones." he said softly and it made my chest tighten up painfully to hear him say that. He was the one person I would do anything for, no matter what.

"I'm sorry Ichiru, I couldn't sleep with the snow falling." I said distractedly. I never did like when it snowed. It meant that he couldn't go out to school, and I hated trying to walk through it all when it got deep.

"I know, but you shouldn't worry with it. Maybe I can get ma to let you stay home tomorrow since it will be cold. She knows how you are about leaving me." He said, looking up through his long hair. His was always longer than mine to keep us apart a bit but everyone always knew who was who due to his sickness. I pulled him close to me.

"I'll be okay, it's just a few hours." I told him and he frowned. "Get some sleep. You don't feel good when you don't sleep." I told him as his eyes started getting lazy. He hummed and I leaned up for a moment to fix my pillows, being careful to not make him uncomfortable.

"You're the best, Zero. I love you."

I couldn't entirely remember what I had said after he told me that, but I knew that was the very last time I was able to have my brother sleep next to me. Even now my heart ached at the thought of him being harmed by that bloody vampire. Part of me kind of felt as if that I didn't hate the vampires because of what they did to me, but rather what they did to my other half.

I heard a soft knock at my door and it opened a bit, Kaname peeking around the door to see if I was in there. He waved awkwardly. It felt almost as if I was in a friends house waiting for them and someone else I didn't know showed up so we were both trying to dance around conversation.

"How are you?" He asked finally, walking over to the large glass wall that I had looking over some of the smaller buildings in the city. I shrugged.

"I'm fine I guess. Can't really complain." I said, although I really wanted to complain about something. It was strange how my uneasiness was put to rest all of a sudden. I kept thinking back to that book he had at his office. He scoffed and flopped down on my couch beside me.

"That's bullshit. When I walked in here, you were staring at that stack of mail so intently that I thought it would catch on fire. What's bothering you? Not that I care of course, I'm just curious." he said with a small smirk at the end. I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm fine, the feeling I had is gone now for some reason." I told him and he looked at me skeptically.

"You're so fucking complicated." he stated and I raised a brow at him. "I mean, I never know what you're thinking. One minute, you're fine with me and I think you like me and then the next you hate me. It's so confusing, and I just want you to figure out which one you feel so I can prepare for this bullshit of a marriage coming up soon." he said and I sighed.

"I think we've had this conversation before." I told him and he narrowed his eyes at me.

"Then why the fuck am I having to have it again? Just fucking fix it. Do you like me? Do you hate me? Are you in love with me? What is it?" he asked and I just sat there for a moment. Did I hate him? No, I didn't hate him. Did I love him?

"I mean, I don't hate you, but I don't particularly like you either." I informed him and he nodded slowly. When I told him that I didn't like him, my chest seemed to tighten up and my body tensed and was nearly fighting me. I didn't know why, but it was scary. He stood up and my heart started racing.

"Okay, that's all I needed to know." he said and then saw himself out. Once the door closed, that feeling came back. Where was home?