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To Tell You the Truth

When I first awoke, the sun was peeking through clouds that were leisurely rolling around in the sky, flying high and leaving particles of each one for the next to pass through. Sometimes, the clouds even went through one another, allowing them to become one larger cloud to carry on.

It was soft, and gentle, as the wind blew through the open window. It was mildly chilly with it still being deep in the winter. However I felt a sense of warmth from beside me, one that I hadn't quite actually recognized until just that moment. I turned from my side, now on my back to get a glimpse of what- or who, rather -was next to me.

My breath seemed to catch in my throat as I seen this man, my now so called husband, asleep on his back with his head lightly propped up on a pillow and a book laying page down on his stomach, his hands still gently gripping it. His soft breaths coming out in synchronization with his chest rising and falling. His rather unkempt hair was kindly falling over his eyes. I involuntarily smiled softly as I gently pushed a strand away from his eyes.

Why was my heart beating so loud? Why did I feel all jittery inside by him being here? What happened to our discomfort by being even in the same room? Now, I wake up to him checking to see if I've got a fever, or if I'm thirsty or hungry. And today, waking up next to him sleeping peacefully.

He stirred, for a moment, before his eyes fluttered open softly and looked to me, his feature staying the same soft ones he had when asleep. Oh god, I thought, what is going on with me? The corners of his mouth tilted up ever so slightly into a soft smile that was nothing but kind, pure, and full of truth. Why were we so contradictory over all of this? A month ago, we couldn't stand one another. A few weeks ago, we could barely have a conversation without someone having a breakdown of tears or anger. And now, I couldn't look at him without my heart trying to fly out of my chest and my stomach erupting into a million earthquakes and volcanoes.

"Good morning." I said softly, wanting nothing more than to just reach out and caress his cheek, maybe even kiss him just once. His soft, sleep ridden eyes seemed to tell a story that his features never could. I searched them until I was afraid I would drown in them. The only thing I could see in them, was me. His eyes sparkled with a light that had never been there before.

I remembered back to the first, and only, night that he and I were physically intimate with one another. He seemed to be so gentle with me, as if I would break if he touched me the wrong way. And yet, he was strong. Strong enough to hold me when I needed him too. He smiled at me with that soft, caring smile that I just couldn't get over.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked me in his sleep filled voice, heavy and course. I probably just looked at him for a good thirty seconds before answering.

"I'm okay, how about you?" I asked quietly, afraid that the feeling would be ruined by my carelessness. He chuckled quietly.

"I'm fantastic. Are you feeling up to going somewhere?" Kaname asked as he sat up and stretched his muscles, only then allowing me to realize that he was wearing a thin button up shirt that was half unbuttoned. He could make anything look good I swear.

"Sure? I didn't think royalty had travelling business trips." I stated plainly, figuring that the only reason we would go anywhere would be for business. He just chuckled at me and shook his head.

"It's not a business trip, you goof. I wanted to take you somewhere." he informed me as he leaned closer to me and gently cupped my cheek. I involuntarily leaned in closer and connected our lips, even just for a second, and I swear my heart melted at the sensation. He smiled at me again after we pulled apart and got up, leaving me very dissatisfied. "You can shower and take your time. We've got all day." he walked out of the room before I could say anything else.

~

Nearly two hours later, we were riding in a car with Kaname driving and us sitting in a comfortable silence. I had long since given up on trying to get him to tell me where we were going, but I found myself not particularly caring. It had become something unspoken, something that he and I had non-verbally promised one another that as long as we were with one another it didn't matter where we were going or what we were doing. Lately, I felt as if I were failing as not only the next in line for the throne, but also as a husband to him. He never said anything and he never acted as if it were a bother, but I felt like a burden constantly. However, some part of me told me that it actually didn't bother him for all of this to be happening.

As he drove, he gently reached over with his right hand and grasped my left hand, our fingers interlocking naturally as if it was supposed to be done like this. Like we were supposed to be together like this. Taking a nice ride out into the scenery and holding hands with one another like the happy couple that we were supposed to be. Shivers went up and down my body at the contact.

They say that when you're in love with someone that you are supposed to feel a way that is like no other that you have ever experienced, that is why they say that you cannot truly fall in love twice. With Kaname, I feel something that no one has really made me feel. A way that only family could give before now. A sense of safety, calmness, relaxation, everything to make me an actual person rather than just the shell of one. 

"You're an asshole, you know that, right?" I simply said, looking over at him after a moment to see him smiling slightly as he looked over at me briefly, and then back to the road. 

"Really? And why is that?" he asked me, and I looked at him as if it weren't obvious.

"Seriously? Have you not seen me lately? I'm fat, I eat like everything, and my mood swings are just terrible." I said jokingly. 

"Your mood swings were awful before now, dear." Kaname said and I feigned offense, lightly smacking his arm. He just chuckled and I couldn't help but savor the sound. I wanted it to always be like this. No royalty, no businesses where he was being pulled in every direction at once, no training and meetings, nothing like that. Just him and I, the baby, a small house on a nice piece of land, and road trips where he and I could hold hands like this and make memories for the years to come. God, I was becoming a sap, wasn't I? Either way, I wasn't sure I would ever be quite ready to give this kind of day up for anything waiting back at the palace. Sure, they treated us well and I knew that they only meant good fortune, but I had never been able to experience what a normal life was. Cross was as close as I had ever gotten to a parent raising me after my parents departure. 

"I don't want to go back." I said, my thoughts being thought out loud rather than just in my brain. Kaname slammed on his brakes, stopping the car almost immediately. His hands were clenched around the steering wheel as if for dear life, his knuckles turning white and his entire body tense. "What is it?"

"You don't want to go back?" he asked, repeating what I had just stated. "Are you not- are you not happy with me? Is that it? Are you still not okay with all of this?" his voice was wavering, uneven, and questionable. I unbuckled my seat belt so I could turn and look at him better. 

"That's got absolutely nothing to do with it. I just don't want to go back to all of the royalty shit. I want to be able to do this kind of thing all of the time with you, come back home to a small house and our kid. Have normal lives instead of busy ones. I never got much attention from my parents because my brother was always sick and my parents worked a lot as vampire hunters-"

"Your parents were vampire hunters?" he asked with a snort and I playfully rolled my eyes.

"Kaname, I want to live a life with you that doesn't involve the stress." I added lastly. He looked at me for a moment, before smiling softly again and grabbing my hand and kissing the back of it. 

"Whatever you want. Whatever you want, I'll do it." 

And that was when I knew, that truth be told, I was in love with Kaname Kuran.