I Don't Even Know Your Name

We Need You

*Shawn's POV*

With both hands on the wheel, I drove in a daze to St. Mary's hospital. Every negative outcome was running through my head. I was afraid I would never see Lavender's first steps, her first day of school, or see her graduate college.... I wanted to see our daughter grow up.... I should have never told Ruth that our daughter was going to live a long, healthy life. I should have never planted that hope in our heads. Who am I to know weather we will have a child after today? Ugh, I need to stop bottling up my thoughts.

"Babe, I'm really scared." I spoke, meekly. I had been trying to stay strong for her, but I couldn't keep it in any longer.

"I know Shawn, I am too. But whatever happens, we'll just make the best out of it. We will come out stronger parents either way."

Ruth always knew how to look on the bright side of things. Even if she didn't believe what she was saying, it helped me to keep going. I guess were both similar that way.

"I know, I just- I want-" I completely lost it. Dozens of tears began flowing from my eyes, I could barely see the road ahead.

"Shawn, pull over, I think you need a second." Ruth stated, motioning to the shoulder of the lane.

I pulled over, then Ruth crawled onto my lap in the driver's seat. She cradled my head in her arms, while I wrapped my arms firmly around her waist.

"I know this is hard. But we are going to get through this." She cooed, as I cried into her shoulder.

"I'm sorry babe, I've been trying to hold it together for you."

"Shawn, you're allowed to be upset, you're allowed to cry. You don't have to have it together all the time." She explained.

"But you're so strong, even though you've gotten upset about things, you take any bad situation and and always see the positives..... I just can't stand the thought of us losing our baby." 

Ruth gently urged my head away from her body. She looked at me with sympathetic eyes, then kissed me softly. She tangled her fingers in my hair, while I cupped her cheeks in my hands. All of a sudden, an overwhelming calm inundated my senses, as our lips moved together. I took a deep inhale, letting Ruth drown me in her affection. She brushed her lips across my cheek, leading her warm breath to my ear.

"We'll be okay, I promise." She whispered.

"Okay." I breathed out with a sigh. "I love you so much."

"I know, now let's go see our baby."

~

"She's in critical condition." Our new doctor, Dr. Williams informed us.

"How critical?" I asked.

"We don't even know if she'll make it through the night."

"No... No she can't- we need her." I stuttered, my breath cutting off. Ruth hugged me from the side, leaning her head on my chest.

"This isn't fair!" I sobbed in distraught.

"Shhhh, Shawn." Her voice, nearly to the brink of shattering. "Thank you, can we have some time with her?"

"Of course. I will let you know as soon as I have anymore news." He grabbed a couple chairs and pulled them up to the ventilator which held Lavender. Now she had twice as many chords, and valves hooked up to her. You could barely see her tiny little body underneath it all.

We sat down in our chairs, pushing them as close to each other as they could go. We interlocked our fingers, and remained there in silence. We listened to the inhale and exhale of the machine, putting life into Lavender. We stayed there for hours, anxiously awaiting for good news. We became so exhausted from crying, and from being up for half the night. Finally, Ruth laid her head on my lap, and we both fell into an aching sleep.

~

"Shawn, Shawn wake up!" I heard an innocent voice call, from a distance. I felt a rocking motion, making me feel like I was on a boat.

"SHAWN!"

I instantly flinched, awaking me from my slumber. Ruth's blurry face became clearer as I blinked. Her freckled nose was only inches away from mine.

"She's breathing!" She squealed with excitement.

"W-what?" I stammered, still trying to come to my senses.

"Lav is breathing again!"

"R-really?" I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Yes! Dr. Williams just told me!" She pointed to the tall, blonde-haired male standing a couple feet away.

"We have been checking on her while you two have sleeping, and she has started breathing on her own again. We're still going to have to monitor her for a few more days, but you should be able to take her home soon." He expounded.

Those words were music to my ears. Finally, after a month of waiting, we were going to take our child home.

"Oh my God, that's amazing! We're finally going to get to take her home!" I exclaimed, picking Ruth up and twirling her around in my arms. She giggled while her arms enfolded around my neck, he legs bent in the air. But I began to become confused, how did Lav just start breathing again?

"Wait, how is she able to breathe by herself again? I mean, how did she get better so quickly?" I questioned, setting Ruth back on her feet.

"Sometimes with premature babies, complications can happen like this. They're bodies don't always know how to handle stress. They're bodies react in different ways, but I assure you she is going to recover well."

"Thank God." Ruth gasped, placing her hand over her heart. We both felt a huge weight lift off of our shoulders. Finally no more worrying.

"Did you hear that Lav? We get to take you home soon." I spoke, as I went over and put my hand through the glass box. Ruth came up behind me, admiring our precious little one. Lavender grabbed my finger with her itty bitty hand, and squeezed it tight. Now there were two girls that were the love of my life.